The Art of Forgiveness
by ggfan78
Summary: A year after the night Lorelai demands elopement. Alternative scenario to her running to Christopher
1. Chapter 1

_This is my first attempt at a GG Fan Fic. Hope you guys like it. Feedback is highly encouraged and greatly appreciated!_

"So what do you think?"

April asked as she pushed the food around her plate. Just as Luke was about to answer he thought he caught a glimpse of someone in the corner of his eye, passed the gazebo. Without answering, Luke walked around the counter and headed out the door.

"Luke!"

April called out to him in confusion. As quickly as he had seen her, the image had evaporated into thin air, as through his imagination was playing tricks on him.

"Great, now I'm hallucinating." He grumbled to himself.

It had almost been a year since Lorelai had fled Stars Hollow. The last anyone had seen her was at the Diner that evening she had begged Luke to elope with her. By the time Luke reached her house that night her jeep was gone along with most of her belongings. She had gone without a note, without a word, to anyone. Luke was frantic with worry, crazy with guilt and overwrought with the impact of his loss. He hounded Sookie who had very little to share as she was just as surprised to hear what had happened the previous night. Between the two of them a full scale panic swept across the town. When Luke had called Rory the next day he was careful not to panic her too in case she did not know what had happened the night before.

"Luke…" she answered hesitantly

"Rory, is your Mom with you?" he asked. Rory hesitated before answering.

"She's not with me no."

"But is she ok?"

"Would you be?" Rory replied quietly.

"I have to go Luke." Rory felt terrible for being short with him, but he wasn't her priority at that particular moment.

Luke hung his head and he put the phone down. There was an edge of worry and panic in Rory's voice that did not go un-noticed. After years of knowing her, he knew how to read her well. A few days later, Rory had left a message on his answering machine. He noted that she had left a message timely, knowing when he would not be at his apartment.

"Luke, it's Rory. Just letting you know I'm with Mom now. We're not at home, or Yale. We're off for a little road trip. She asked that you not contact her. Sorry Luke, will keep you updated."

Luke played the message over and over again, hearing the distance that Rory had put in her voice to cover the emotion she was trying to bury.

It broke his heart that Lorelai flat out refused to see him. Luke was more than aware of the part he played in what had erupted. He played the scenes over and over again in his head, and it drove him crazy, for each time he played it, it always ended without her.

The message that Rory had left him was that she could leave him. As much as Rory hated doing it she had asked Sookie to fill Luke in when she could. Even then Luke knew that Sookie was choosing her words. Every time he asked Sookie where Lorelai was, the answer was always the same.

"She won't tell me." And they both knew why Lorelai wouldn't tell her.

Less than an hour later the door to his diner opened. There she stood like a ghost from his past, smiling hesitantly, and hedging by the doorway uncomfortably.

"Rory Gilmore, get over here." He barked as he walked towards her with his arms open. Rory grinned and practically knocked him over as flew straight into his arms. How she had missed this man that stood before her, the man that was more like a father to her than her own. Luke felt the impact of her embrace, and held her tightly. This was Rory, Stars Hollow's Rory, his Rory. The first kid her ever loved. How she'd grown, he noted.

"Look at you! You've grown kid!" he stated somewhat tearful. Her beauty haunted him as it reminded him so much of her mother.

"Yeah, well it happens to the best of us. I'm sure April has grown a foot." She answered. Realising as soon as she said the word April it ripped the band aid off a wound. She almost apologised.

"How are you doing?" he asked.

"Pretty well. I graduate from Yale at the end of the school year."

"Rory that's great." He said proudly giving her another hug. Rory almost chuckled to herself, having a daughter in his life had certainly trained him for the hugging.

"I'd love it if you were there for my graduation. It's only appropriate for you to be there. You're like a father to me Luke, always have been. Luke…" she began. Luke knew she was about to apologise but he stopped her.

"I understand Rory. It's ok." Luke shifted his gaze and Rory watched him refrain from asking the one question he wanted to ask. The one question that led to many questions, the one he wanted answered more than anything.

"She's doing ok Luke, better to use the term loosely." Rory whispered answering his silent question. Luke nodded in acknowledgement.

"Much better that she was in the beginning."

"Listen Luke, I came for a reason." Rory pulled out a picture from her wallet. As his eyes fell on the picture his head jerked up to meet her gaze to which she only nodded in response. Within moments Lane had walked in with an infant in her arms. She carefully handed him to Rory who handed him to Luke.


	2. Chapter 2

"Luke, meet William Ezekiel Gilmore Danes, your son." Tears fell from his eyes as he held his son. He had his mother's striking blue eyes, Rory's nose, April's crazy hair and his lips. He was beautiful.

"She wanted you to meet him, not for her, or for the possibility of getting you back. This isn't what this is about. She wants to give you the opportunity that you never had with April, to get to know him. She's willing to make arrangements for you to spend time with him. Sookie and I have both agreed to bring Zeke here when you want him. If you wanted to visit him at home, we can arrange that too. Sookie or I will be there."

"And your Mom?" he asked carefully.

Rory dropped her gaze.

"She'd rather not see you just yet, she's not ready. Luke, that night that you called…" Rory took a deep breath.

"She was in the hospital. That's where I found her. They called and she had driven herself there when she started to feel discomfort, and she almost lost the baby. She developed a condition I can't remember the term, something with her blood pressure that was really dangerous for the baby. We had a few scares, and she spent most of her pregnancy with Zeik chained to her bed. Which as you know she would have loved."

"Why didn't she call me?" As he said the words, he knew the answer.

"Has she been staying with you at Logan's?" he asked. Rory shook her head,

"Don't you think you would have found her there?"

"Grandma had bought you guys a house as a wedding present." The look of surprise in his face was hard to miss.

"Grandma had taken her to estate agent that night she didn't come home, and she spent the night at Sookie's. That was the night that she realised that you were never going to get married."

"Which is why she wouldn't see me?" he concluded. Rory nodded again.

"And by the time she did, she was so over it which led her to the eloping thing. Anyway, Grandma and Grandpa insisted she take the place, and at her condition she couldn't really fight them. Either that or live in the pool house, and well, which would you choose?"

"And the Inn?"

"It's still part hers. She works from home. She and Sookie agreed that splitting up was not an option. It was their dream. So Mom pops in every so often, for major staff meetings, mostly Michel and Sookie meet Mom at a café near home. Sookie was only allowed to tell you what she did. Otherwise she knew Mom would pull the plug, so don't be mad at Sookie for withholding certain parts." Rory could see the direction his thoughts were going and Luke nodded.

"So that's it she just cuts everyone out of her life, just like that?" he asked angrily.

"She did that for you?" she whispered.

"What?" he asked confused.

"If she had stayed, it would have divided the town. This town is your life Luke, and she just wanted to leave it with you. It's where you grew up. That and she feels humiliated Luke. You don't know what happened at Lane's wedding do you?"

"She got drunk and sang endless love?" he answered.

"The drunk part was the only accurate information that was circulated from that evening. She was a mess Luke, she got up on stage and made a toast to Lane and Zach, she then went on about how lucky they were to find each other at such an early age, how she was probably never going to get married, that she was going to be alone forever…it wasn't her finest moment, and Patty was sweet enough to try and protect her reputation, and make sure you never found out. She never fully recovered from that, and after they way you reacted after April's birthday party, she just couldn't handle it anymore. She actually thought that after April's party you would have made room for her, but when you told her about what Anna had said, and seeing how upset you were about it, she knew that there wasn't room for her, and it spiralled from there."

"I'm so sorry."

"I know that, and I know you never meant to hurt my mother, she knows that too, but she's coping the very best she can, and if that means not being this town, so be it. Luke, if you had seen her that night, at the hospital, I was so scared. All I wanted to do was call you."

"I'm sorry I took that option from you." He said genuinely draping an arm around her shoulder and planting a kiss on her head.

"See Zeik, I told you your Dad was pretty amazing." Rory said to her baby brother who gurgled happily in Luke's arms.

"He's amazing Rory."

When Rory arrived home from Luke's Lorelai was on the couch reading.

"My babies!" she greeted enthusiastically. Rory bent over to kiss her mother and she handed her Zeik.

"How'd you go hon?"

"Okay. It was good to see him. I felt so bad for what I said to him that night on the phone."

"Thanks for brining Zeik hon, I really appreciate it. I just couldn't, you know face him. Not now, not yet."

"Sure Mom, but you do know you can't hide from him forever. You owe it to yourself to face your own demons. Otherwise you'll never be at peace, you'll always wonder."

"I never denied the fact that you were the smarter and more mature one out of the both of us." Lorelai said with a small smile. Rory placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed.

"He misses you too Mom."


	3. Chapter 3

It took awhile for Luke to digest what had unfolded that afternoon, it took all his strength not to follow Rory home and demand that Lorelai speak to him. He had a son. They had a son, and she named him after his father.

For the next few weeks Sookie or Rory would drop Zeik over to spend time with him. April loved him immediately and enjoyed the time she had to play with him. Luke had set up a nursery for him in his apartment, and built Zeik his very own cot. It didn't take long for the town to find out who Zeik was. They had stopped enquiring after his mother after that first week seeing the look on Luke's face.

Luke was grateful for the opportunity that Lorelai was giving him despite everything that had happened between them, but it was one of the main reasons he loved her so much. How she wished they could be a family, but for the meantime he was making the most of his time with Zeik. His time with Lorelai will come.

Rory had slipped back into his life as though no time had passed. The more time she spent with him the closer they became, and it was different this time, he saw her as an adult, but more than that, he was still protective, and he still saw her as a daughter, for which Rory was grateful.

It saddened her that they couldn't be like that as a family, but she understood her mother's hesitations. For so long it had only been the two of them, and their whole world was their own. Lorelai had always only had herself to depend on and she had opened up her life to include Luke in there. He was the most stable person she had ever known, and when he checked out on her, she lost a part of herself and that scared her.

"How she doing?" he often asks.

"Keeping busy, just like you. She has her hands full with this little tiger, which is good for her. At least she's not, you know."

"Yep, I know." Luke answered placing his lips on Zeik's head.

"Do you think she'll ever talk to me again?"

"Luke, you were best friend for almost a decade. It may take a while, but I'm sure she will. She loved you a lot, and she's coming to terms with the consequences of that."

"Past tense there Rory."

"You know what I mean, and we both know that she has never and will never stop loving you. Why do you think she won't see you? Why do you think it's so hard for her to see you?"

"I miss her so much."

"She misses you too."

As Rory's graduation approached, Lorelai and Luke had still not set eyes on each other. Rory reminded Lorelai that she had invited Luke,

"As you should have hon. I promise to be on my best behaviour."

"You know that's not what I meant." Rory said looking at her mother. Lorelai smiled.

"I know Kid, I know. It has to happen eventually, why not the graduation of the daughter we shared. I'll be okay. I promise. Now try this dress on already, I may have totally out done myself, if I do say so myself." Lorelai said handing Rory the dress she made for her graduation ceremony.

"Mom it's beautiful." Rory squealed from her bedroom.

"Come on out and show me." Rory ran out of her room and stood at the top of the stairs. Lorelai's eyes began to well up with tears.

"You're beautiful kid." Rory grinned and ran down the stairs and straight into her mother's arms.

"Mom, I don't say it enough, but thank you. For everything, for always putting me first."

"You're welcome honey. I wouldn't change a day we had together."

"I love you Mom,"

"I love you too. Now get out of that dress so I can do final alterations."

On the night before Rory's graduation the phone rang in the Gilmore household.

"Lorelai," Lorelai froze and felt the hair on the back of her neck rise.

"Luke?"

"I'm sorry to call, I know the rules, but I just wanted to make sure that you were okay with me being there at Rory's tomorrow." There it was, the man she loved.

"You have as much right to be there as anyone Luke, and she really wants you there."

"And you?" he asked.

"It means a lot to me that you will be there for her, so if you're worried about me, please don't. Tomorrow is about Rory, and she should have all the people she loves most in the world there. I thank you for asking though." She sounded just as he remembered, maybe a little more subdued and certainly free from the sarcasm that has defined her for so long, but still Lorelai. He couldn't help but hear the tiredness in her voice.

"Thank you. And for Zeik especially. You didn't have to and you did. You could have, but you didn't."

"He's every bit yours as he is mine, some days I think more. I would have never kept him from you. We've been through far too much for that. Besides, it was at Zeik's best interest to get to know his Dad first hand, to know what kind of an amazing man he is. So no thank you necessary Luke. You would have done the same for me."

"I don't deserve it."

"Luke, you and I have gone through hell and back. There are certain things that have hurt us both, and there is a lot we will never get back, but you not deserving good in your life, is something that will never apply to you. You're a good Man Luke Danes, regardless of where we ended up, that hasn't changed."

"I miss this. I miss you."

"It frightens me how easily we can do this, and I don't want to be frightened anymore Luke. It costs too much. I barely survived the last time." Lorelai confessed quietly.

"It frightens me too. I'm not asking for us to go back to what we were, I don't think we could if we wanted to. I just want us to be able to co-exist. People who talk some times, and maybe become friends one day."

"I can't promise you much, but I promise not to run."

"It's more than I deserve to ask of you."

"See you tomorrow Luke. Zeik's looking forward to seeing his Daddy tomorrow,"

"See you tomorrow Lorelai."

When Lorelai had gotten off the phone she hesitated on sharing the conversation with Rory. For one, she didn't want to get her hopes up, and another, it was a moment she wanted to keep in her heart for as long as she could.

"Hey graduate!" Lorelai greeted as Rory walked into the living room with the supplies for their movie night.

"Not yet, but thank you."

"Hellooooo" Emily called from the door.

"Come on in Mom. You're just in time for food you'll never eat."

Lorelai called out from the couch. Emily walked in and shook her head at the junk food that surrounded the two generations of Gilmore before her. It had been a tough road for Lorelai, but she would not have survived it without Emily, who had come through for her in such a way that only rendered her grateful to the woman that gave birth to her. Through all that they had endured, a respect had been built between them. Emily was in awe of Lorelai's strength, and seeing it first hand birthed a deep respect for her daughter's ability to rise from the deepest valleys. She had since become a regular to their movie nights during Lorelai's pregnancy. Lorelai's genuine invitation had weaned her in. She appreciated being included in their rituals and enjoyed their company immensely. She caught a glimpse of what she had missed out on with Lorelai, and with Rory, and they were all making up for it now. When Rory had walked out of the room to take Marty's call Lorelai turned to her mother,

"Luke called me today."

There was a time when Lorelai would rather not drink coffee than divulge such details to her mother freely, now it was almost second nature. Lorelai filled her in on their conversation and prepared herself for Emily's take.

"You have to give credit to the man when it's due. He cares about that little girl in there, and it seems he still loves you. What do you want to happen?" Emily asked. In their time together, Emily had learned the finer points of decorum and dropped her judgement many levels. She began to see a lot of things from Lorelai's point of view, and Lorelai appreciated that.

"I don't know Mom. I can't keep running from him, and I do still love him, but needing him is something I don't think I ever want to be ready for. The consequences are too great and the stakes are even higher. I have Zeik to think of now too. I can't jeopardize his relationship with his father on a whim."

Lorelai too had changed, she had lost the selfishness that Emily often critiqued about her, and she was learning from the mistakes she made with Rory, just as Emily was learning her mistakes from Lorelai.

"Tomorrow is tomorrow. Start from there, one foot in front of the other. Whatever comes after, face when you're there. There's no point in panicking, and we're all going to be there. If you're drowning, Rory, your father, Sookie and I will be there, more than ready to rescue you."

"Shall we come up with signals while we wait for Rory?" Lorelai teased, to which her mother pretended to scold. Lorelai placed her head on her mother's shoulder.

"Thanks Mom, for the last year, for everything." Emily's hand reached over and patted her daughter's cheek.

As Rory walked in she smiled at the sight before her, it looked so much like a scene from the book of Rory and Lorelai, and she loved seeing the Emily and Lorelai chapter evolve the way it had been the last months.

"So what's next?" she said cheerfully as she flopped herself beside her mother. Three generations of Gilmore Women sitting in generational order. It was a sight to see.


	4. Chapter 4

Though it came to no one's surprise that Rory was once again Valedictorian, she had kept it from all of them, as a surprise. It wasn't until the Dean had announced her name for the speech did they find out, and from where Rory stood it was hard not see and feel their pride in her.

"Years ago, I stood in a similar situation, before my peers, my mentors and loved ones, speaking about the journey ahead, reflecting on the journey passed, and highlighting those prominent in that journey that brought me before you today. This speech is much the same…"

Rory paused as everyone laughed.

"The thing is not much has changed, Richard and Emily Gilmore are still my twin pillars, even more so now than ever before. I love you, and appreciate you more than words can say.

But there is a man in my life that I want to acknowledge, whom from the time we have met has been nothing less than a father to me, more a father to me than my own, and that is Luke Danes. Luke Danes has never failed me, growing up he was there to clean the scrapes on my knee, provide me with the food necessary to my existence, despite his distaste for my choice in nourishment, he is a protector, and a man filled with honour. Growing up I had always wished my father was around, what I've to realise is that I had one all along, thank you Luke for being more than I can ask for, and probably more than I could ever deserve."

Luke's eyes began to fill with tears as he listened to Rory. His heart full from the love she poured out and he was grateful. He flashed her a brave grin and mouthed the words 'I love you' to which Rory beamed wider. Lorelai glanced at look and patter his knee as to second the sentiment.

"Lastly, there is my mother, whom despite what she may think is still the strongest person I know and by far the best role model a girl could have. A better best friend I could not have asked for more. She is no means by far perfect, but we are pieces of a perfect puzzle that fits together so well that when there are pieces missing, the puzzle is incomplete, and not as extraordinary. Mom, we've been in this together all my life, and this, where I am standing right now, this moment is yours too."

Emily draped and arm around her daughter's shoulder and squeezed her firmly whispering,

"She's up there because of you. You did that, and I am so proud of you." Lorelai looked at her mother through her tears,

"Thank you Mom."

After the ceremony Rory flew into her Mother's arms.

"You little sneak, why didn't you tell us you were Valedictorian? Rory, I am so proud of you." Lorelai said hugging her daughter tightly.

"Thanks Mom."

Rory turned to her grandparents and hugged them both.

"Grandpa, Grandma, I meant every word up there. I would be lost without you both and I thank you for everything."

"You're welcome Rory. We're so proud of you."

Lorelie took Zeik from Luke just as Rory had turned to hug him. Tears flowed freely from his eyes as he hugged her tightly.

"I'm the lucky one. Know that I will always be there for you." Luke whispered in her ear.

"I know Luke, I've always known, that's why you've been the father I never had. You always cared about me more and I thank you!"

"It's been an honour Rory Gilmore."

Lorelai looked away and wiped the tears from her eyes. She felt her mother's arms wrap themselves around her waist, as if to remind her of their pact from the night before.

"Luke, we have a special lunch set up for Rory at the house. It'd mean a lot to Rory if you were there." Emily offered graciously. Luke was taken aback by the sincerity in her voice. Much had changed he noted, as he noticed the exchanges between mother and daughter.

Luke glanced at Lorelai who gave him a nod of blessing.

"I would love it Emily, thank you for asking."

Lorelai could tell that Luke was curious about Emily's new diplomacy.

"Hey Rory, why don't you and Marty ride with Luke, Jackson you too. Mom is that okay?" Lorelai asked as Rory and Marty had come in with them.

"Of course."

"Thanks Mom, I'll take Sookie. Lane, Zach you jumping in with me or Paris?"

"Paris if you don't mind?" Lane piped up.

"Sweet, Paris you know how to get there right?" Paris nodded.

"See you all there."

Lorelai fell behind in the convoy to Hartford as she had to strap Zeik into to his baby capsule. She also knew the moment they were alone Sookie would interrogate her about Luke. Like clockwork, the moment they were alone in the car park she began.

"How are you doing?" she asked in a rather low key way Lorelai noticed, to which she smiled.

"Okay Sook. Really. It wasn't so bad seeing him, almost comforting even. He's the father of my child, and we have to learn how to co exist, for Zeik's sake as well as Rory's. In all honesty it's all a blur for me right now. Like I'm on medication and I'm numb to my surroundings, which probably isn't so bad. We're not friends, we're no where near even being the annoying woman who wants coffee and the grumpy diner guy, but we are what we are right now, which is unidentifiable."

"Lorelai, you and Luke will never be not friends, you both care about each other in such a way that despite what you have been through, your first instincts are to be there for each other. Grant it that was lost for a period of time, but it has never been erased in your hearts."

"Maybe that's why it hurt so much and why it's so hard to even consider going back, because of the friendship. That we could hurt each other that badly when we were the best of friends."

Their conversation ceased as they drove into the Gilmore driveway. Sookie could see the layers that Lorelai had surrounded herself with. How guarded she was, and careful she was, and though she was still the best friend she loved and adored, she knew that Lorelai had changed. The free spirit that she once was had been tamed.

Rory had requested a very informal Barbecue by the pool, and Emily delivered with her usual flair. There were mountains of food, a couple of waitresses walking around catering for everyone's needs. Everyone had changed into their casual clothing, ready for a pool party. Rory was surrounded by the people she loved most in the world and she felt incredibly fortunate that they were all there for her. Lorelai watched as Rory took Zeik into the pool with her, well equipped in his floating device. Zeik giggled as he hit the water, he kicked his legs and splashed about. Rory laughed at her little brother and walked around the pool with him.

"They're a sight for sore eyes aren't they?" Luke said coming from behind her, handing her a fresh drink. Lorelai smiled somewhat proudly.

"That they are. Rory was a little hesitant at first afraid to break him but it was love at first fight for the both of them."

"With those faces how could it not be?"

Lorelai gave him a thoughtful smile

"Spoken like a true parent there."

Luke grinned back proudly.

"How is April?" Lorelai asked genuinely interested. A smile broke from Luke's mouth and Lorelai could not mistake his pride in his daughter.

"She's amazing. Smart beyond belief, and definitely getting sassy, we get along well. We hang out a lot more these days as Anna has a boyfriend that she is not too happy with. Anna has also loosened up quite a bit so we get a lot more quality time together. It's nice, it's hard to imagine what life was like without her now that she's so much a part of my life."

"That's great Luke, she's a great kid. I'm sure she loves having you around." Luke blushed, before he could reply Emily had wordlessly walked over to them to hand her a cup of tea before taking Zeik from Rory to change him. Lorelai watched Luke raise an eyebrow, to which she gave him a small smile and a nonchalant shrug of the shoulder. Rory climbed out of the pool and headed over to her Mother recognising the distress signal.

"Hey guys! You should really jump in, it's nice in there." Rory said gesturing to the pool. Lorelai threw her a grateful glance before excusing herself. Luke watched curiously as she walked towards the food table and stood over it before walking away empty handed. Emily came out with Zeik and handed him to Lorelai.

"Have you eaten?" Emily asked. Lorelai shook her head,

"I don't really feel like anything. My stomach's all fuzzy."

"You okay? You sure you don't want something in your stomach?" Lorelai shook her head.

"I'm fine. Just tired I guess. I may lie down with Zeik in the pool house when I put him down."

Emily nodded, but the look of concern that passed through her face did not go unnoticed by Luke who was watching them intently as he conversed with Rory. Luke watched as Lorelai wearily walked into the pool house with Zeik.

"Rory, is your Mom ok?" Luke asked worriedly. For a moment he could have sworn a look of panic crossed her eyes.

"What do you mean? Of course she's ok?" It all depends on which perspective you're after, she continued to herself.

"You'd tell me if there was anything wrong wouldn't you?"

"I would tell you what I could. You know that."

"Meaning, there is something but you're not allowed to tell me."

"If there was something she wanted you to know Luke, she'd tell you. Just give her time to get used to having you around."

"Rory,"

"Please…" her eyes pleaded with him, to which he nodded.

A few minutes later Luke found himself standing by the bedroom door in the pool house watching Lorelai peacefully asleep beside their son. Every fibre of his being wanted to walk over to her and stroke her hair with his fingers, to place his lips on her forehead, on her cheeks, on her lips. How much had he missed the woman that lay before him, as though she had sensed him in the room she opened her eyes and saw that he was watching her sleep. She gave a shy smile before sitting up.

"Hey, how long was I out?" she asked.

"An hour maybe. You ok?" he asked. Lorelai dropped her gaze and nodded in response. She pretended to check on Zeik beside her.

"Lorelai…"

"What Luke?"

"What's going on? Why does everyone seem as though they are worried about you, why do you seem worried?"

"They're my family, they love me they worry about me, that's what they do." She replied vaguely.

"It's more than that."

"It's none of your business Luke. At least not anymore, so let it go. I am begging you."

Her eyes looked straight into his and he caught the anger in her eyes. Lorelai stood from the bed after securing the fortress of pillows around Zeik. Luke reached out for her arm.

"We were friends once, I don't know if that means very much to you right now, I suspect it does or I wouldn't be here today, you and I went through things together, tell me what's going on with you. Something's not right."

"So it's okay for you to demand to know right here and right now but it's not for me?" she said looking at him angrily, and in that same moment the anger drained from her face replacing it with sorrow.

"I'm sorry Luke, I promised I wouldn't do this. Let's just leave it ok. There is nothing you need to know right now. All that matters is you and Rory, and You and Zeik. You and I, we had our chance, and we both blew it."

Lorelai looked right into his eyes as she spoke, her palms resting on his chest.

"We can't go backwards to go forwards." With that she reached up to plant a kiss on his cheek and gave his hand a tight squeeze before walking out the door. When Luke had emerged from the pool house his face looked identical to Lorelai's, eyes were red and faces were tear stricken. It pained Lorelai to see the pain that was evidently flowing through the both of them. This wasn't the way it was meant to be between them. They were supposed to be different. Emily had finally seen for herself just how much love was between her daughter and this man she had disapproved of for so long, and it tugged at her heart with such regret.

Luke sat down on one of the pool lounges with a beer in his hand, nursing it, deeply lost into his thoughts. Emily felt a pull towards him and sat beside him. Surprised Luke looked up,

"Emily"

"Luke, do you need another beer?" she asked making small talk.

"No, I'm fine thank you." He replied before the silence completely took over.

"Thank you for being here. It means a lot to both my girls that you are here. I appreciate that."

"Thank you for the invitation. It means a lot to me to be here. Those girls and that little boy mean the world to me. Despite what they may think."

Emily knew whom he truly meant by the term 'they'.

"It's easier for her to think that than the possibility that you may still love her the way that she loves you."

The shock on Luke's face was almost amusing to Emily. She wasn't quite sure if he was shocked about what she had said, or because it was her that was saying it.

"A lot has changed." She said quietly, answering the question that whirled in his head.

"That they have. I'm glad. It means so much to her that you approve of her that you get along. She always dreamed that you and her would share what she and Rory had."

"It means a lot to me too. I realise now how foolish we have been. She loves you Luke, that hasn't changed."

"Then why won't she let me in?"

"Because she's scared. I don't think you ever fully realised the impact those last few months did to her. She's not blameless and she knows it. She realised that she lost a part of herself during those months that you had shut her out, she became a totally different person, someone who was willing to settle for less, she hoped that you would come around sooner rather than later, and when it felt like you were never coming around, she snapped. She felt like she compromised herself, and for what it seemed. She's scared of loving someone so much that she loses herself again. She knows if there is anyone in this world she would do that for, it's you. Which is why she's so guarded with you. It wouldn't take much for her to run into your arms, and that knowledge in itself scares her to death."

"Why are you telling me this? I would have thought…"

"That I would do everything in my power to make sure she doesn't go down that road again?" Emily said completing his thought.

"…and seemingly for the right reasons this time." He added lightly to which Emily smiled.

"Because regardless of all her fears, you are the one man I know that fulfils her every desire. She has not loved anyone the way that she loves you, and the look in your eyes tell me that the feeling is mutual. I'm sorry it took me so long to see what was so evident."

"Thank you. It means a lot to me to hear that coming from you, and you're right. I love your daughter very much, and I will do my very best to convince her of that if it takes the rest of my life."

"Good to hear. Just don't wait too long. She's stubborn that one."

"Don't I know it, and I won't."


	5. Chapter 5

Luke knew it would take more than a grand gesture to get Lorelai back. That it wasn't about grand gestures. They both knew that they loved each other, and there was no doubt in their minds that they were it for the other, but he also knew what a huge part he played in Lorelai's distrust in Love and in him, and if there was any chance for them, it would take a some time, as trust needs to be rebuilt and their friendship needed to be restored and redefined.

In the weeks that followed Luke made himself visible to her in every way. Instead of Rory or Sookie dropping off Zeik, he had asked to pick him up. Reluctantly Lorelai agreed. That first morning he came to pick up Zeik he had brought her coffee and Danish. Somewhat taken aback by the gesture Lorelai thanked him and placed the goods in the kitchen. He watched in surprise as she turned back to grab Zeik from the other room without so much as taking the lid off the coffee. Once upon a time nothing could come between Lorelai Gilmore and her coffee.

"Now his supply of Milk is in the cooler bag and the nappy bag should be filled with enough nappies and change of clothes. His blanket and favourite toys are also in there." She instructed as she walked around the room picking up things that Zeik may need. Luke allowed his eyes to take in the house that could have been theirs. It was larger than any house he would have imagined himself to be in, but despite of it's size, Lorelai had somehow managed to make it as cosy as can be. He glanced at the room that was opened, seemingly the office in which she worked from. There was a cot in the corner of the office which he could picture she placed Zeik when she worked on the days when he didn't have their son.

"Got it thanks."

"Enjoy your day. Call if you run into any issues. Other than that you'll both be fine. Have fun." Luke nodded as she ushered him out the door.

"Thanks Lorelai." He said with such sincerity and meaning that she felt a piece of her armour chip a little.

"Sure, no biggie."

As she closed the door behind them, she leaned back on the door, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. The aroma of the coffee he brought filled her nose, and as it did, It triggered a billion memories from the life she once had, the life in which she fled from. Lorelai walked into the kitchen and drained the cups he brought into the sink and opened the kitchen window to allow the air to depart from the house, unable to cope with the memories that began to invade her thoughts. She took the box of danishes from the table and placed them in the fridge for Rory who was coming that afternoon. She knew that if Rory wasn't coming, she would have gotten rid of those too.

Luke never knew what she did with his offerings, for all he knew she consumed them in his absence, but she did not. For Lorelai it was a sense of control. If she could keep away from things that reminded her of him, it would prevent her from falling into his arms again. Even Rory had no idea as to what extent her mother took to keeping her distance from Luke.

As time passed, Luke had gradually stayed in the house for longer periods of time, till he started taking Zeik back earlier in the afternoon and spent time with him in the house while Lorelai worked from her office. There are moments of weakness where Lorelai would close her eyes and listen to the sounds of Luke and their son, and for a moment, she could almost convince herself that all was well, and they had gotten married on the 3rd of June those years ago. That they had not spent a day apart since that day she proposed. But just as quickly as the thoughts entered, she pushed them away.

"Hey Luke, where's Mom?" Rory asked as she came through the front door and found him on the floor with Zeik playing.

"Getting changed. Where are you girls headed off to?" he asked. Lorelai had called him that morning and had asked to baby sit Zeik.

"Hartford, Mom has a few errands to run and I promised her I'd drive her. You babysitting the munchkin are you?"

"Yep. Sookie got called into the Inn, and your grandmother had something she couldn't reschedule apparently." Rory nodded un-commitingly. Truth was, they were to pick up Emily before they headed off to their destination.

"I might go check on her and make sure she's ready to roll." Luke nodded and watched her curiously as she ran up the stairs. He felt that something was just not right.


	6. Chapter 6

"Mom, I know you don't want to hear this, but you need to talk to Luke. He needs to know what's going on. He needs to be a part of this."  
"Rory, I appreciate what you're trying to say, I do and I understand your reasons, but I can't. More, I won't. It's not fair to him, and quite frankly, I don't want him to be a part of this. I have no right to ask him to do more that what he's already doing."

"But Mom, he is a part of this. Regardless of what you say he is a part of your life, because he is a part of our lives. Not only that Mom, he loves you! You're not asking him to do anything, you're merely keeping him informed with what's happening with you. He deserves that at the very least." Rory argued. Lorelai closed her eyes for a moment and chose her words carefully.

"And I deserve to hold on to my dignity."

"Mom…"

"Rory, your mother has her reasons. We need to respect that. There's more to this than what we see or what she tells us. Only she can gauge what she is ready for, and obviously she's not ready to share this with Luke." Emily intercepted. Rory opened her mouth but shut them again and continued to drive in silence, for which Lorelai was grateful. Though she understood Rory's point, she wasn't willing to open that door for Luke, for her sake much as his. Emily placed a hand on her shoulder and gave it a gentle squeezed. Absently Lorelai placed a hand over her mothers and held on to it tightly before letting it go, appreciating the support she offered.

"Ms Glimore, Dr. Reed will see you now." Lorelai and glanced at her daughter and her mother. She locked Emily's gaze and her lip quivered. Emily gave her an encouraging nod.

"Let's go." She said taking her hand.

"Rory, we'll be right out." Rory only nodded and sat back down on her chair. As much as she would have loved to have been there for her Mom, she was grateful that Emily had taken over, knowing that she could not guarantee that she would not fall apart if the worst case scenario was presented.

"It seems that the operation was not completely successful."

"What do you mean by that Doc?"

"We have removed most of the tumors. Those visible before and during the operation, but it seems since them a few tumors have come to surface."

"So how do we fight this?" she asked numbly. She thought it would be over by now. The first operation was hard enough, it was right before Rory's graduation. It took her weeks to recover from the first recovery, and she was scared that she wouldn't be well enough to be at the graduation. Between Zeik, the Inn, and everything else, she wondered if she had the strength. As though reading her mind, Emily had squeezed her hand tightly and nodded. The solidarity in her eyes brought Lorelai great comfort knowing that whatever the fight ahead was going to be like, and how hard the battle will be, she wasn't alone.

"We want to go in and operate again. Remove the tumors and immediately put you on radiation treatment, which I know you were opposed to before because you were breast, but unfortunately that is a luxury you cannot afford to have this time around. The tumors are small and operable, but aggressive in their own right. In only weeks they have returned."

"What are my chances Doc?" Lorelai felt herself ask,

"There is a risk with any operation Lorelai. Your cancer is rare, and hard to treat for it's delicate positioning, but it's not impossible to treat. I believe with the operation and the radiation we give you a fighting chance."

It was all Lorelai needed to hear. She was a fighter and she was going to fight. She had too much to lose. Too many loved ones to leave behind. She wasn't ready. She wanted to watch not only Rory get married but also Zeik.

"Sign me up then." Lorelai said quietly, but determinedly.

Rory stood up as her Mother and Grandmother emerged from the double doors that led to the Oncologists office. The look on her Mother's face made her want to curl up into a fetal position, suck her thumb and grab hold on to her mother as tightly as she possibly could.

"Round Two Kid." Was all Lorelai could say. Rory ran into her mother's arms and wrapped her arms around her waist as she did when she was little.

"Mommy…" she cried softly into her mother's embrace. Tearfully, Emily had ushered the duo to the corner giving them little but some privacy.

"Rory, why don't you grab the car dear, and we'll wait for you here." Dutifully, but reluctantly Rory detangled herself from her Mother and nodded. When she was clear out of sight Lorelai sunk to the nearest chair.

"Mom!!!" she cried out grabbing hold of her mother's hand. Emily spun to face her daughter and crouched down to meet her eye level.

"Listen to me Lorelai, we are going to get through this you hear. You are going to fight, and if when you're too tired to fight, I'll be there fighting for you." For the first times in almost 35 years Lorelai uttered the words

"Mommy." Emily pulled Lorelai into her arms and held her close stroking her hair.

"Shh, it's okay. It's okay. You're going to be okay." Emily said determined through her tears.

They were a quiet bunch on the drive home, all three of them were playing out the worst case scenarios in their heads.

"Rory, do you mind if you drop me off at Grandma's? Ask Luke if he can take Zeik with him tonight and Grandpa will pick him up tomorrow. I just can't see him right now. I just need time to think okay?"

"Did you want me to take Zeik back with me to Grandma's?" Lorelai thought for a moment. A part of her wanted to take Zeik and never let go, but she knew that she wasn't capable of taking care of him right then, and that being with Luke would be the best for him."

"No hon, he'd be better off with Luke tonight."

"Mom, can we just call him? I don't think I can face him like this."

"Sure hon. I'm sorry I should have thought of that."

"Rory, I'll call him for the both of you." Emily volunteered.

"Thank you Grandma."

When the Gilmore phone rang Luke hesitated before picking it up. Needless to say he was surprised to hear Emily Gilmore on the other line wanting to speak to him.

"Hi Luke, it's Emily. Lorelai has asked me to call you and see if it wasn't too much trouble if you could take Zeik home with you tonight. She's been held up and won't make it home in time. If it is too much trouble I can always come and pick him up."

"It's not a problem Emily. I can take him home. Is she okay?"

"She's fine. Richard will pick up Zeik sometime tomorrow afternoon. I hope that will be okay."

"Whenever he's ready."

"Thank you Luke."

"You're welcome Emily." Puzzled Luke hung up the phone and looked at his son who was in his arms.

"What is going on around here Little Man?" Zeik merely yawned and closed his eyes while Luke sat there worried collecting his thoughts.


	7. Chapter 7

As soon as they arrived at the Gilmore mansion Lorelai had gone straight to her room. There was so much to process, to consider, to think about. The weight of her responsibilities came crashing down in that doctor's office. The things she still wanted to do, issues she wanted to resolve. Emily had made her a cup of tea and asked Rory to bring it to her knowing that Rory was anxious and wanted to stay close to her mother. When she checked on Mother and Daughter a little while later they were laying side by side on the bed. When Emily had popped her head in Lorelai gave her a faint smile, she moved closer to Rory and made room to her left and and patted the empty space for Emily. Understanding Emily joined them on the bed. The three generations of Gilmore women lay side by side, cherishing their moment together.

That evening when everyone had gone to bed, and Rory was fast asleep beside her, Lorelai slipped a hooded sweater over her pyjamas. She went downstairs to the kitchen in search for food, uncertain as to what, but something. Just as she made it to the bottom step she saw the light of the study glowing from the bottom of the door. Knocking lightly she entered the library to find her Dad in the study, book in hand on his leather armchair, lost deep in his thoughts.

"Daddy?" Richard snapped out of his trance at the sound of his daughter's voice. In her pyjamas, hooded sweater and hair up in a ponytail, it was as though she was a young girl again, the little girl who followed him around and worshipped the ground in which he walked on. His little girl.

"Lorelai, what are you doing up? Shouldn't you be resting?" he asked surprised to see her.

"I couldn't sleep. So many thoughts are running through my head. I can't seem to make them stop. Do you mind if I sit with you awhile, I promise to b quiet." Richard shook his head.

"Of course I don't mind." For the first time since she was little Lorelai sat on the arm of her father's armchair as he read. She brought hugged her knees close to her face and rest her head on her kneecaps.

"Daddy, I think I need to talk to Luke, and tell him how I feel. You know, in case, I don't get a chance to." She murmured quietly. Richard put his book down and glanced up at his daughter beside him and placed a hand on her knee, unable to say anything, for he couldn't quite bring himself to acknowledge what it was she was trying to say. He wasn't willing to accept the possibility that she was going to lose the battle that was before her.

"You do what you feel is best for you." He replied swallowing the lump on his throat.

"You up for a little escapade with me?" she asked with a grin. Richard couldn't help but grin back.

"Sure, what do you have in mind?"

"A drive?"

"Perhaps to Stars Hollow?" he said filling in the blanks.

"Do you mind? I don't think I can drive. I just want to do this while I still have the guts to do it."

"Leave a note for your mother and let's be quiet, we don't want her to catch us. You know if she cathes us sneaking out I'll never hear the end of it." Lorelai gave a light laugh, knowing that he was right.

It was a pretty quiet drive to Stars Hollow, and when they parked in front of the diner they could see that Luke was getting ready to close up. She could see the baby monitor on the counter as he wiped tables and put chairs on the table.

"Go on, I'll head over to your house and read awhile, call when you need me. You take your time."

"What do I say to him Daddy?"

"What's in your heart my dear," he replied before planting a kiss on her forehead. Lorelai smiled gratefully and let herself out of the car. She took a deep breath before walking over to the diner.

"We're closed" Luke said not looking up from the counter as he heard the door open.

"Wow, it seems I still have the best timing in the world." Lorelai teased quietly. Surprised Luke knocked over the salt shakers.

"Lorelai, what are you doing here? I thought you got held up somewhere."

"I did, but I needed to talk to you. The more I thought about it, the more I couldn't talk myself out of it. Next thing you know I've sweet talked my father into driving me here." She rambled.

"What's up?" he aked. Lorelai dropped her gaze to the floor took a dep breath before meeting his gaze.

"I was wrong. I should have told you what I was feeling before it got as bad as it did that I needed you to elope with me to prove that you loved me and that you wanted to marry me. That was my fault. I wasn't honest. I was so scared of losing you that I agreed to live this charade that it was okay with me that we put our life on hold. That it was okay that you lived out a life with your daughter separate to the life you had with me. I denied that we were drifting apart. I refused to see all the things that were going wrong because I didn't want to push you like I did last time…but at the end of it, we lost everything anyway. It doesn't seem worth it now." She paused for a moment,

"I wanted to come and talk to you to say that it's okay. That the anger is gone, the resentment too. That none of that matters anymore. Sadness lingers, but for the most part I just want to say we're okay. We may never get back to where we were once, but that's okay, because we were lucky to have had the time we did have."

"We can still have that…" he interrupted but Lorelai shook her head.

"We can Lorelai, we love each other. I know that there's no one else for me but you, and when I look into your eyes I know you feel the same way. We can make this work. If you don't want to fight for us I will. Because having you around not trusting me is a lot better than this past year of not having you around at all. I'm sorry I blew it. I'm sorry it took losing you to realise how much I couldn't live without you. This past year has been about existing, and surviving the worst year of my life, and here you stand before me, and that's a chance isn't it. We can make this work. I will do anything to make this work. Please let me try."

"No Luke, it's too late for us."

"It's not too late. If we love each other, what's stopping us from giving it another try? Don't you want to?"

"I can't afford to want to Luke… I have Cancer."


	8. Chapter 8

Luke barely felt his knees buckle. He placed a hand on the counter as to balance himself. His face mirrored the grief and regret she bore in hers. He looked at her searchingly, willing her to tell him she was kidding, that it was an April Fool's Day gag, but he knew it wasn't. That it was real, she was sick, and sick enough to not want to start anything with him. In three steps he was in front of her pulling her into his arms and hugging her so tightly and so fiercely that she couldn't breathe, yet it felt like he wasn't holding her tight enough. She closed her eyes and breathed him in. That smell, his scent lingered in her nose and triggered memories in her heart of their years together, not only as a couple but as friends, the very best of friends.

"What can I do for you?" he asked as his voice broke in anguish.

"I need for you to be there for Rory, for Zeik. For my parents even, I need you be another support system for them."

"What do you need Lorelai?"

"This, being in your arms, it brings me great comfort. After everything this still feels like home."

"It always will." He murmured into her hair.

"When?" he asked. Lorelai stepped out of his embrace and sat on the nearest stool.

"Right after Zeik was born I started getting pains in my lower back, I thought it was just because of the complications I had during the pregnancy. It came to a stage where I could barely stand let along carry Zeik. Finally a couple of months ago my Mother made me go to the hospital, they ran tests, found tumors, performed biopsies and they found that I had pancreatic cancer. I had a few small tumors which they took out. When they opened me up they found a couple more that they didn't see in the tests. They took those out. I refused chemo theraphy and radiation because I was still breast feeding Zeik, and on my monthly check up they found that I have a whole heap of other tumors that have reappeared and colonized in my pancreas."

"So at Rory's Graduation?" he asked doing the math,

"I was fresh off the chopping board. Hence the worried glances you kept encountering from my not so subtle family."

"Lorelai," he began could not say anything further. His mind was trying to hard to wrap itself around what she had just said.

"Luke, aside from my family, no one else knows. Not Sookie, no one. I'd like to keep it that way. It's hard enough right now."

"Of course, why did you tell me?" he asked a little curious.

"Because after everything, it felt like I owed you that. If anything happened to me, I didn't want to have this hanging over us, I don't want to regret not telling you that I still loved you. I'm sorry to have dropped this bomb on you. I understand if you need time to digest, because trust me, I am still processing." Lorelai got up, looking forward to the walk home to her house where her father was waiting to take her home.

"Lorelai wait." He said grabbing her both her hands and taking them in his. He looked right into her eyes,

"I love you. We can get through this together. You can push me away as much as you want, but I'm going to tell you to stop wasting your energy and concentrate your energy on getting better. I'm not going anywhere do you hear me. We're going to fight this side by side. You need to fight this so we can have our chance. I am so sorry I screwed up our chance, but I will not believe that that was our only chance. What we have is stronger than any diagnosis. Trust in that, believe in that." His eyes begged for her to hold on to him. Lorelai stared at him wordlessly, all the doubts in her mind were fighting for air time in her head and it made her tired.

"My heart hears what you're saying, but my mind is weary. My mind can't get passed how much it hurt last time. Luke you don't understand, I lost me. I allowed myself to be lost because I was so scared to lose you, and when I did Luke, my whole world fell apart."

"So did mine."

"You let me walk away Luke. You let me go. Don't you know all it would have taken was for you to say my name and I would have stayed, but you just stood there." What he saw in her eyes broke his heart, the pain that she carried from that night glistened through her tears, it haunted her and he could see it as she allowed him to take a peak of her soul.

"I have regretted nothing more than letting you walk away from me that night. I know it isn't an excuse, and I would never try to pass it off as one, but you took me totally left field that night. I had no idea where it came from. I had no idea how unhappy you had become and that is my fault because I allowed myself to be so consumed that I didn't see what it was doing to you, to us. But if you think I am going to make that same mistake again and let you walk away because you're scared, you're wrong. I let you walk away from me once, I won't do it again. No matter how much you fight me, no matter how much you doubt me. Do you hear me?" Lorelai glanced away for a moment unable to look into his equally wounded soul.

"Left field? Seriously Luke that's the best analogy you can come up with? A sporting one? Did you forget who you were talking to?" she replied with a small smile. Luke broke into a grin.

"My mistake, what was I thinking. Kudos to you for understanding it all the same."

"Kudos, wow we have made a lasting impression on you haven't we?"

"You have no idea!"

_**Hope you guys enjoyed that last part. More to come. Thank you so much for your reviews and encouragement. I am glad you're enjoying the series so far. **_


	9. Chapter 9

"Luke…"

"Yeah?"

"I'm hungry!" Luke broke into a grin and got up from where he sat beside her.

"What would you like?"

"Burger and Fries, make that two. I'm going to call my Dad to come."

"Coming right up,"

Richard was absently watching TV at Lorelai's house, when she called to ask him to come and pick her up. From the sound of her voice, he could tell that it had gone rather positively. Lorelai was on her way down from the apartment when Richard came through the Diner.

"Come on in Dad. Luke's in the kitchen. I've just checked on my little man and he's sound asleep."

"How are you?"

"Good, a little tired but good, also very hungry. I took the liberty of ordering you burger and fries, just don't tell Mom I let you eat red meat."

"Bless you my child, you are indeed my favourite daughter. It'll be our little secret." Lorelai chuckled as Luke came out with their orders.

"Good evening Luke."

"Good evening Sir."

"Please, it's Richard. Thank you for accommodating our stomachs at such a late hour."

"I am getting a distinct feeling that her eating habits were inherited." Luke deduced with a raised eyebrow. Lorelai laughed and nodded.

"The one and only Richard Gilmore."

"Come and join us Luke. I don't suppose you would eat a burger at this hour?" Luke sat down and shook his head amused.

Lorelai got up from her chair to grab the ketchup and two bottles of water from the fridge. Luke gave her a quizzical look as she by passed a pot of coffee.

"I can't really do coffee anymore, and Dad here is already having something he shouldn't be having. A little compromise for some balance."

"All right, who are you and what have you done with the caffeine fiend I once knew?" Luke teased.

"I would have thought your curiosity would be surpassed by the relief that I am passing on the, what do you refer to is as 'Liquid Death'?"

Richard watched the banter between the two and enjoyed himself immensely. It warmed his heart to know that his little girl was happy. She and Luke had a long way to go, but a weight that plagued her when she asked him to drive her earlier that evening had evidently been lifted. When they had finished Lorelai grabbed their plates and went to the kitchen leaving Richard and Luke alone together.

"What you must think of me…" Luke said quietly

"I think you make my daughter happy, and that's all that matters." Richard stood up getting ready to go. He placed his hand on Luke's shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze.

"Today's a brand new day." Luke looked up at Richard with gratitude for understanding and not coming between him and Lorelai, as he feared he may, and with good reason. Richard patted his shoulder as he called out to Lorelai.

"Lorelai, you ready to go? I'd like to get back before your Mother realizes we've left. Otherwise I would be without a head."

"Now we don't want that. I've grown quite attached to your head Dad. I believe you insist that is where I get my good looks from." Lorelai teased as she wiped her hands on the tea towel.

"You didn't need to wash up." Luke said getting up.

"It was the least I could do. Thanks for feeding me again. Are you okay to drop Zeik over tomorrow? I was thinking of staying at Mom and Dad's for a few days."  
"Yeah that's fine. Did you want me to pick up his things and some of yours too?"

"No that's okay. Rory picked up a few things for us yesterday, thank you though."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"And remember Luke, you didn't see us today." Richard piped in.

"Let's go 007. Later Luke." She planted a kiss on his cheek before giving him a quick wave.

"Richard Albert Gilmore!" Emily bellowed from the living room.

"Well Cheech, it seems we're busted. Shall we make a run for it?" Lorelai suggested.

"There's not enough time for both of us to escape. You go, there's no sense in both of us going down." He whispered.

"No Cheech, we're in this together. Here have a mint, she'll smell the read meat on your breath." Lorelai said handing him a breath mint as she popped one in her mouth.

"I guess we should enter the lion's den."

"Be brave Gilmore!" Lorelai said chuckling patting him on the arm and leading him to the living room.

"Where have you two been? I almost hard attack when I found you both gone, I thought something had happened." Immediately both Richard and Lorelai sobered up seeing the worry in Emily's face.

"I'm so sorry Mom. I couldn't sleep and I convinced Dad to go for a drive. I didn't think we'd be gone for so long otherwise I would have left a not. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to worry you any more than you already are. We should have left a note."

"Well as long as you're both fine, make sure the next time either of you feels like venturing out in the middle of the night to either leave a note or shake me awake to tell me you're going."

"We will Emily. I apologize for worrying you." Richard said walking over to his wife and wrapping his arms around her and planting a kiss on her cheek. Lorelai watched as her mother melted into her father's embrace, she smiled enjoying the moment.

"Well if all is well here, I might head on up to bed. It's been a long day. Dad you're more than welcome to tell Mom where we ended up, and Mom, I'd be more than happy to fill in the blanks for you tomorrow."

"All right, I will do. Goodnight Lorelai." Lorelai went over to her parents and planted a kiss on both their cheeks.

"Goodnight Mom, goodnight Daddy. Thank you for tonight."

"Good night dear." Emily replied giving her daughters arm a squeeze as she passed by.

As she went up the stairs she heard her mother asked where they had been. Lorelai had taken her sneakers off and slid back into bed with Rory who instinctively moved closer to her mother and draped her arms around Lorelai's stomach. Lorelai hugged Rory's arms and placed a kiss on her forehead.


	10. Chapter 10

The next morning Lorelai joined Richard in the Dining room for breakfast. Emily was in the kitchen supervising with breakfast.

"So Cheech, did you get in trouble?" Lorelai asked as she placed a kiss on her father's cheek before sitting down.

"It was a narrow escape." He replied in a whisper.

"What are you two in cahoots about today?" Emily enquired as she saw Father and Daughter heads close together.

"Just making sure there's no bruises." Lorelai teased.

"Honestly you two!" Both Lorelai and Richard grinned back at her sheepishly.

"Martha, you can bring the breakfast in now please. Lorelai where's Rory?"

"Right here Grandma. Sorry I'm late coming down. I got a call from Paris."

"That's all right dear. How is Paris doing?"

"She's well, she's Paris."

"Hey Mom, I need to get some fresh air, you up for a walk?" Lorelai asked after breakfast.

"I guess, why not. Let me change into more appropriate clothing."

They walked in semi silence, it wasn't till they were a few blocks away that Lorelai spoke.

"Dad tell you I made him drive me to Luke's?"

"Well, not in those words. He mentioned you wanted to go a road trip and he deduced from your conversation minutes before that you wanted to go to Stars Hollow." Lorelai grinned.

"I do believe I have been some influence in both of your vocabularies."

"Heaven forbid!" Emily said rolling her eyes.

"As I was laying in my bed last night, I thought, finally things are going well between you and me and Dad, and for so long that was what I have wanted. Rory's graduated from Yale, and lil Zeik is getting to know his Dad. If I were to go…"

"Lorelai…" Emily interrupted,

"Mom please, this isn't easy for me to say out loud."

"Sorry, go ahead."

"If I were to go the one thing that is unresolved is Luke. I don't want him to live in regret and I don't want to go without his knowing that I still love him, that I forgive him. Because regardless how much it hurt me, I wouldn't trade what we have for anything. On the scale of things, it doesn't really matter anymore."

Emily draped an arm around her daughter.

"I'm grateful for the opportunity we have had to be the mother and daughter I always dreamed of these last months, this past year. I am so proud of you. I am in awe of your strength and powerful love for those in your world."

"Thank you Mom."

"So what did he say?"

"He said he was sorry that he let me walk away that night, that he froze, and by the time he got to the house, I was long gone. He told me that he knew I was scared but he wasn't going to let that deter him or let me use it as an excuse to not give us a go. He knows that I still love him and vice versa, and the only thing that would stop us from giving it another go is my fear and perhaps my pride. He said that our Love was stronger than any diagnosis. I told him that my head didn't want to trust him. That he almost killed me when he let me walk away. We cried, we talked, we cried some more. Now, I think we may just be ready to rebuild. Mom,"

"Yes Lorelai,"

"I don't want to go back to being a couple, at least not yet. Not like this, not when everything is so uncertain."

"I'm sure he'll understand." Emily said patting her arm.

By the time they go back Rory and Richard we're in the middle of a very serious game of Cranium. Emily and Lorela watched in amusement before Rory convinced them to join. The game lasted right before lunch and when Luke arrived before noon the Gilmore's were unidentifiable. The laughing and joking around was definitely new to his ears when these guys were involved. He watched them in amazement, the change in them so evident. Lorelai looked up and saw Luke standing by the door of the study watching them, Zeik in his arms.

"Oh hey, I didn't hear the door bell."

"Well the noise generating from this room would explain that." He teased.

"Well, it's the Gilmore Girls versus the Older Generation of Gilmore's, and the elder Gilmore's have proved to be competitive, dare I even sly."

"Are you implying that we're cheating?"

"Hey if the shoe fits Grandpa!" Rory chuckled.

"This is getting ugly. Hi Luke. Join us for lunch?" Emily said getting up from her chair.

"Sure, I'd love to." Lorelai reached out for Zeik.

"Hey Baby, Mommy missed you." She said giving him a kiss hello and holding him close to her.

"Mom, I'll go heat up his bottle. I'll let Martha know to add another place to the table. Luke sit down and take my place." Luke did as he was told and sat beside Rory. In wasn't long before Luke's competitive edge kicked in. When Lorelai had returned the four of them were engrossed in their game. Lorelai watched Richard's leather arm chair as she fed Zeik. As happy as she was that the people she loved most were in the one room, a wave of sadness swept through her. She looked down at Zeik with tears in her eyes.

"Please God no." she whispered, crying out to the heavens to give her another chance. To live out the life she always dreamed of, with the man that she loved and the family she cherished. Fighting with her Mother all those years ago seemed pointless and a waste of time. She was grateful that they had the chance to make it right. As a sense of habit Luke looked around the room in search of Lorelai and saw her with her head bowed down to Zeik's. There was sadness in her eyes and he knew what she was thinking. Following his gaze Emily's heart dropped to her toes, it broke her heart to think how badly it could all end. What they could lose, just when they were just getting started. Richard placed a hand on his wife's knee.

"Let's have lunch shall we?" Emily looked at him with tears in his eyes and nodded. Lorelai looked up and her eyes met Luke's. The look of love between them was undeniable.

After lunch Lorelai had taken a nap with Zeik. Sensing that Rory needed distraction Luke had asked her to come to Diner with him for a couple of hours.

"You're grandmother can give us a call as soon as your Mom wakes up." He reassured her as she hesitated. He was getting the sense that Rory was afraid to leave Lorelai's side.

"That's a good idea Luke. Rory, I promise you, the moment your mother wakes up, I will give you a call."

"Okay then." Rory said reluctantly.

When they got in Luke's truck, Luke turned to her.

"We don't have to go to the Diner, I just thought you might have just wanted a little time out. I know how hard this must be for you. I think you're doing a great job holding it together for your Mom. I just wanted you to know, that if you wanted to talk, unload, or just be, I'm here."

"I know the Operation isn't for a couple of days and that it'll be more than likely be okay, but I feel like if I leave her presence, I'm going to lose her, you know?" Luke placed a hand over hers,

"I do know."

"Luke, can we do something?" she asked.

"What did you have in mind, a heist?" he replied with a grin.

"No, I think Mom would be mad if we did a heist without her don't you? I was thinking, I know Mom wanted to keep it low key, that she didn't want anyone to know she was sick, but she's going to be out of commission for awhile, and I was thinking wouldn't it be great if we did a Dinner Party for her with all of her favourite food, and maybe we can invite Sookie and Jackson. I just feel like Sookie should be here too."

"I don't know Rory. Normally I'd say it's something that you're Mom would love right off the bat, but she seems really adamant about keeping her condition in the family."

"We don't have to tell Sookie what it's really for. I just think if I was Sookie, I would be really mad at Mom when I found out. Even more mad if I know I never got a chance to really hang out with her before she got too sick. Does that make sense?"

"What do you say we tweak your plans, invite Sookie for a movie night, a girl's movie night here at your Grandmother's. It'd be low key, and it would just be Sookie, so that if your Mom wants to speak to her about what's going on, she can, if she doesn't then no biggie. You said that your Mom and Sookie haven't really had a chance to hang out this past year right? I think tonight might be a good place to start." Rory looked thoughtful for a moment.

"I think that's a great plan Luke, let's do it. Why don't we go to Stars Hollow and pick up supplies, at the same time, we can drop by the Dragonfly to talk to Sookie. Do you think Mom will be mad that it seems I shanghai'd her?"

"I don't think she'll be mad. I think she'll see right through it, and though she may resist, she will appreciate the opportunity you're giving her."

"Thanks Luke."

Luke checked on the Diner while Rory went to see Sookie, who was excited and not at all suspicious of the sudden invitation.

"How'd you go?" He asked as she got into the truck.

"Rather well. It wasn't as complicated as I thought it would be."

"I wouldn't count your chickens just yet, you still have to tell your Mom." He reminded her with a smile.

"That's why we are going to Shoprite first, so we can buy all the junk food of her dreams, in bulk to soften the blow."

"Good idea. Get her all wired up in sugar." Luke said dryly.

When they got back their arms were loaded in bags of things that gave Luke a headache just looking at it.

"Do not tell me that is all JUNK?" Emily said as she opened the door. They had run the Movie night idea past Emily who agreed it would be good for Lorelai to have a girlfriend their that night.

"Close enough, one of the bags are groceries, and I thought if you didn't mind Emily, I would love to cook dinner for you guys tonight. I was thinking of cooking Lorelai's favourite meal."

"You're not serving us a cheeseburger are you?" she asked, knowing full well that with her daughter's stomach, anything was possible. Luke and Rory laughed.

"I guess I deserved that. You'd be proud to know that though it comes second, cheeseburger is not her favourite meal. I was thinking of making her lasagna."

"Ahhh, the famous Danes Lasagna. Grandma, you have to taste Luke's lasagna, it's to die for."

"Well, with that kind of a write up, how can I refuse? Are you sure Luke, I don't want to keep you in the kitchen. You're a guest, you're family. You don't need to go through all the trouble."

"No trouble at all Emily, it would be a pleasure. Besides, it'll give you girls some time together. Rory hasn't broken it to you yet that when Sookie arrives in a couple of hours you guys are doing facials, manicures and pedicures on each other. Richard and I will be in the kitchen keeping our innocence."

"Is there room for one more in that kitchen?" Emily asked Luke.

"Grandma!" Rory exclaimed.

"Well the thought of your mother doing my manicure frightens me." Emily reasoned in an amused tone of voice

"I resent that Mother!" Lorelai cried out in mock offense as she walked into the room. The three of them looked at her sheepishly as though they had just been caught doing something illegal.

"What's going on? Why am I giving my Mother a manicure?"  
"Well I thought we could use a Girl's Day/Night in. We do facials, manicures and pedicures this afternoon, and then tonight we do Movie night. Luke and I got supplies, and not from Doose's but from Shoprite!"

"Oooooh, how much loot did you come home with?"

"Enough to make a vein pop on the side of Luke's head?"

"Nice. What are we watching?"

"Willy Wonka, Casablanca, Hardbodies, St Elmo's Fire, and or course Pretty in Pink."

"The classics, you've pulled out the big guns. Why do I sense there's more to this?"

"I invited Sookie to join us. I told her that we were having a girl's night in at Grandmas and I thought it would be nice if she joined us. It's been ages since you've really had any time with Sookie, and I thought it would be good for you to hang out with your friend, and Luke suggested the girly night in. Are you mad?" Rory rambled,

"No Hon, I'm not mad. Thank you for the sentiment. You're right it would be nice to have Sookie here. I'm not sure if I'm going to tell her though, so can we please keep current circumstance between us till I confirm that I've told her?"

"Of course Lorelai." Emily reassured her taking Zeik from her arms. Zeik gurgled as he looked up at his grandmother.  
"My you are handsome." She cooed.

Lorelai and Luke exchanged a smile as Emily and her grandchildren exited the kitchen.

"Good nap?" he asked.

"Yeah it was."

"Are you sure tonight is okay with you? I think Rory just wanted to do something for you and figured you could use a girlfriend."

"Yeah, it's fine. I just don't know if I'm going to tell her, I mean, what can I say?"

"You'll find the words."


	11. Chapter 11

While the Women pampered, the Men of the family were in the kitchen preparing dinner. Richard was assisting Luke with the chopping and the occasional stirring. Luke bustled around the kitchen as though he had been doing it for years. While Zeik, too small to be of much physical help, laid in his bassinet watching his father and grandfather. It was like being in a live cooking show, and they kept him well amused.

Just before Sookie had arrived, the Gilmore's left Lorelai and Luke to themselves in the Den. She laid in the couch resting on his chest as he held her.

"Luke, I need you." She said so softly that if he hadn't been intently listening to her breathing, he could have missed it.

"I'm here." He said reassuring her.

"I need you to be Luke my best friend, not Luke my boyfriend/fiancé. I can't pick up where we left off like this, not because I haven't forgiven, you know I have, it's just, I don't want us to start something again while I'm in the middle of this. It makes it more complicated." Luke let what Lorelai had said sink into his heart, and wrap it around his head. He pulled something out of his shirt and Lorelai saw him take off a chain, and gasped as she recognized what hung from the chain.

It was her engagement ring that he had found on the table by her door that night he came to her house, as though she knew he would eventually find her. He recalled the pain he felt when his eyes fell to the ring that sat on it's own in her empty house. Luke took the ring from the chain,

"Luke…" she whispered unsure of where he was going with his thoughts. Without saying a word he took her right hand in his left and slid the ring into her ring finger.

"I'm here, in whichever and whatever way you need me to be. I don't need to be your fiancé/boyfriend. I am here. Having you in my life on any capacity is enough for me. But this ring, is a promise, and I want you to see it as one. When you're better, and you will get better, I will slide that ring into the other hand, and we WILLl get married. Your Mom and Dad will walk you down the aisle, our daughters will be your bridesmaids, our son will be our ring bearer. It will be a simple but elegant wedding. It will be ours and ours alone. It will be the beginning of the best that is yet to come. I want you to keep that ring on your finger, so that when you're tired and you feel like giving up, I want you to look at that ring and see what I see, which is our future." Lorelai couldn't help but sob in his arms. All Luke could do was hold her tighter, burying his face in her hair as the tears flowed from his own eyes. Not long after Rory knocked on the door to announce that Sookie's car had come through the gates. Luke wiped his face while Lorelai ran to take a quick shower. She couldn't let Sookie see her face at that moment, as she would see right through her.

"You okay there big guy?" Rory asked lovingly sitting beside him on the couch. Luke draped an arm around the young woman who he loved as much as his own daughter and gave her quick squeeze,

"Yeah, thanks kid. We should go and greet Sookie."

"I'll greet Sookie, go to the bathroom, wash your face, take a moment. Grandma and I can handle Sookie on our own till you're ready. " Luke dropped a kiss on her forehead before heading to the downstairs bathroom. Just as he was coming out of the den he came face to face with Emily who took one look at his face and uncharacteristically wrapped her arms around him with such maternal force that his tears began again. He was scared of what he could lose, and he was reminded of what he had already lost. As grateful as he was for that moment with Emily, it made him miss his Mother more than ever.

"We'll get her through this, all of us. As a family."

"Thank you Emily, for allowing me to be a part of this."

"Thank you for who you are in my daughter and my grand daughter's life."

They broke apart and Luke went straight to bathroom just as the door bell rang. Emily called out to Rory who joined her at the door to meet Sookie.

"Richard if you're happy to stir the sauce every so often I'm just going to run this to the girls." Luke said holding a bowl of his special popcorn in his hands.

"Trying to tide over the vultures?" Richard joked.

"Well God forbid your daughter and grand daughter get hungry, I for one, do not want to suffer those consequences."

"Smart man! Whipped, but smart all the same."

"This coming from the one that is wrapped around Emily Gilmore's finger ever so tightly, who at the bat of an eyelash has him driving his daughter to another county in the middle of the night, who's resolve softens at Rory's pout?" Luke countered good naturedly.

"Okay, this is becoming very ugly. Let's be friends again. Allies if you will."

"Sounds good to me. Keep stirring, and I'll be back. Zeik look after your Grandpa. Let's hope your Mommy's cooking skills didn't come from him."

"I heard that Lucas." Luke grinned as he slipped out of the kitchen.

Luke laughed at the sight of the four women in the Den, all with masks on their faces, painting each other's nails.

"You so did not just laugh at us." Rory said warningly.

"Me? I would never!" he cried out feigning innocence.

"He comes bearing food." Lorelai yelled excitedly from across the room.

"Just as well," Rory mumbled in mock annoyance.

"Luke's famous popcorn." Sookie observed taking the bowl from him and inspecting it closely, taking the occasional sniff, which amused Luke to no end.

"Sookie, you will never know what I put in my popcorn." He stated simply before giving them all one last wave as he exited out of the room.

"That man has a lot of food he's famous for." Emily observed kindly.

"His food isn't all he's famous for."

"MOM! Dirty!" Rory said throwing popcorn at her Mother.

"What? I was talking about his coffee. I can't help it if you have a filthy mind." Lorelai retorted throwing popcorn back at Rory.

"Both of you behave, and Lorelai, where do you think she inherited that mind from?"

"Mother, I hope you're not implying me?" Lorelai said outraged causing Sookie and Rory to break into giggles. Emily merely smiled, till Lorelai caved,

"Okay, okay. So I've passed on more than my eating habits. What can I say, the kid's a sponge."


	12. Chapter 12

"Luke, this is absolutely delicious. You have excellent culinary skills." Emily complimented.

"Thank you Emily. Most of what I learned how to do came from my Mom, and you know, experimenting. Your daughter and grand daughter are my guinea pigs, and have been for years." Luke added with a smile.

"Ouch. So harsh." Rory said wounded.

"Mine too." Sookie piped up.

"Nice, can you believe these two?" Lorelai said out loud.

"Its not a bad thing." Luke said trying to reassure them. Richard chuckled in amusement. Luke was backed to a corner and there was no way of getting out.

"So Sookie, from what tells me you are expecting again." Richard said looking at Sookie attempting to help Luke out. Luke threw him a grateful look.

"I am sir." Sookie answered feeling as though she was a teenager again at a friend's house for dinner.

After dinner, the boys had insisted on cleaning up while the girls started their movie night. Luke was going to go home when they insisted he stay the night.

"The guest room is ready for you."

"Thank you Emily."

"Well Luke, what do you say we head on to my study and play a game of chess my grand daughter tells me that you're quite good. That you taught her how to play when she was younger."

"I can hold my own."

"Shall we?"

"Lead the way."

Lorelai and Emily watched in fascination as Richard and Luke headed to the study.

"Who would have thought they'd end us such boyfriends." Lorelai said in observation.

"It frightens me a little." Emily said with a smile.

Despite the amount of sugar they had consumed, Emily called it an early night. Rory had fallen asleep halfway through the second movie, leaving Sookie and Lorelai alone. Lorelai glanced at her best friend, unable to form into words what she needed to say. She knew that she needed to tell Sookie what was going on, had the shoe been on the other foot, she would be furious if Sookie didn't tell her what was going on.

Lorelai and Sookie were sitting side by side slouched on the couch watching Pretty in Pink when Lorelai decided to bite the bullet.

"Hey Sook, can we talk."

"Sure honey, what's up? You and Luke seem to be doing better."

"Yeah, much better. What I have to tell you is nothing about Luke, at least not entirely."

"Okay," Sookie said getting worried.

"Sook, the reason why Rory asked you to come over is because in a couple of days, I go into hospital for a major operation." Lorelai began to tell her about what happened after Zeik was born and what the latest prognosis was. Lorelai watched as Sookie tried to keep it together throughout the whole conversation, eerily aware that Sookie had not interrupted her once throughout her explanation, which in itself was a phenomenon. She knew that just as she finished Sookie was going to lose it.

"Honey, are you okay?" Lorelai asked worriedly.

Without a word Sookie threw her arms around Lorelai and sobbed.

"I thought losing you last year was hard, not having you at work every day, but Lorelai, I don't think I could cope if you weren't around at all. You're my best friend. I love you."

"Oh Sookie, I love you too. But it's not like I'm dying. I'm having an operation, getting radiation, yeah it's going to suck, but for as long as I breathe, I will be fighting, I promise you that. I have too much to live for."

"Is there anything I can do for you?" Sookie asked.

"There is honey, and it's a huge favor to ask."

"Anything,"

"I need you to keep this to yourself. The last thing I want right now is a town full of people at the hospital. I know they mean well, but this is a private matter, and I'd like to keep it family only. When you tell Jackson you have to get him to swear on his crops okay?"

"I promise."

It wasn't long after that Sookie fell asleep. Lorelai draped a blanket over her daughter and best friend and made her way up to her room. Just as she was headed upstairs she heard Luke come out of the library.

"Do not tell me Richard Gilmore has been challenging you to a game of Chess for the last six hours?"

"Uh, no. When your Mom went up she came to grab him. He said if I wanted to hang around I could. He gave me the remote to the hidden TV and I've been watching baseball dozing in and out. I also wanted to catch you and find out how you went with Sookie."

"It went as expected. She cried, she was hysterical. She's Sookie. I made her promise not to tell anyone and she seems pretty determined to keep her promise. Though she has to know the moment she tells Jackson it's going to sweep through the town of Stars Hollow like gossip never has before. Well, I'm sure my standing in front of your diner demanding for you marry is up there somewhere."

Lorelai and Luke walked back into the library so that they weren't standing in the Gilmore foyer. Lorelai collapsed into her father's arm chair. How she loved that chair, and it's ability to make her feel like she was so small and so safe, like being in her father's arms.

"So what's the plans for tomorrow?" he asked.

"I was thinking of picking up stuff from the house. I'm going to stay here with Mom and Dad after the operation and during the treatments. We talked about it, and I really want to be home for that. Funny huh? To hear those words coming out of me. After so many years of rebelling against this house, here I am in my forties wanting to be near her Mommy and Daddy. If that isn't regression I don't know what is."

"It's great to see you with your folks like this, I know how much it hurt you being so estranged from them. It's been good for them, and good for you too, to be where you are right now. I think you wanting to be near them is in some way making up for all the lost time. I'm going to leave the Diner with Caesar and Lane, I'll check in with them daily, but I want to be there, for the operation, for the treatments. I spoke with your parents before they went to bed, they offered my staying here in the guest room for those times. I wanted to check with you, but I really want to take them up on that offer. I want to be here."

"Are you sure? Are Lane and Caesar going to be okay by themselves? What about April? Luke you can't put your life on hold while I do this."

"Lane and Caesar will be fine, they mostly run the show these days, I just stand there for the ambiance. As for the April, I thought if you were okay with it I could bring her here so you guys can get to know each other better. Give you the chance I took away over a year ago. Obviously not every day, once a week or so depending on how you're feeling, for all the other times I can just meet her at the diner or take her to the mall around here. I'm not putting my life on hold, I'm going on with my life, and you're a part of that in every possible way. I told you, I'm 'all in'."


	13. Chapter 13

Emily awoke early unable to sleep to find Luke in the kitchen getting breakfast ready. Luke glanced up from his batter when she walked in and looked at her sheepishly.

"I couldn't quite sleep, so I thought I'd make everyone breakfast."

"Is there something wrong with the room?" she asked, though she could guess that it had nothing to do with the room. Luke merely shook his head.

"I'm guessing my reason for being up is the same as yours?"

"More than likely, my head is finding it hard to comprehend and it won't stop whirling in there and it's been keeping me up since I found out."

"I wish I could tell you that once your head wraps itself around the undeniable facts your brain allows you to sleep. It doesn't. If you do sleep, you end up with nightmares. Hence I am here." Luke grabbed a cup and made Emily a cup of tea as they sat there in semi silence. Emily was lost in her own world. Luke placed a hand over hers breaking her trance.

"Sorry." She apologized, but Luke waved her apology off.

"It's alright. I just wanted to give you this." He said handing her a cup of tea.

"You strike me as more of a tea person than a coffee fiend like your daughter and grand daughter."

"Yes, that particular gene came from Richard."

"As apparently their eating habits,"

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that because I'd hate to find out how you know that." She said suspiciously. Luke grinned,

"It was purely by heresay." He replied innocently, not wanting to get Richard into trouble. Emily smiled back realizing that Richard and Luke had developed quite a camaraderie, which she quite enjoyed watching.

"What are your plans for today?"

"Well Lorelai said she wanted to pick up a few things from her house. I think she wants to close it down for the duration, so we're going to be bringing back her stuff here as well as the kids things."

"I can have Richard's valet close up the house, if you want to just pick up what she needs, the valet can do the rest. I don't want to tire her out."

"Sure. After that I was thinking of taking her out for a picnic, and be back here in the afternoon. Seeing as she can't eat tomorrow before the operation I'd cook dinner tonight. Though if she says she wants a Cheeseburger Emily, you're going to have to suck it up. I think watching you eat a Cheeseburger would make her happier than eating her own burger." He teased.

"My daughter the sadist!" she replied laughing.

Richard awoke from the smell that was wafting through the house despite its enormity. He found Emily sitting on the stool by the island in the kitchen whilst Luke flipped pancakes and turned bacon.

"Emily, can we please keep him?" Richard begged with a grin.

"Only if you're good Richard." She replied without batting an eyelash. Luke shook his head at them both

"Crazy family!"

One by one each Gilmore made it into the kitchen, and for the first time in history, they were served breakfast in the kitchen instead of the dining room.

"Luke, I believe you have been a bad influence on these two," Lorelai said waving over to her parents.

"A meal in the kitchen, in our dressing robes no less. My my, what has the world come to?"

"What can I say? I am a rebel."

It didn't take them long to pack up Lorelai's things. To his amazement, everything was in order.

"Don't look at me, that's my Mother insisting on sending the maid over here." She stated when she caught the raised eyebrow.

"It got tiring arguing with her about it."

"Ah, she is persuasive."

"That she is."

Luke took her by the lake and set up a blanket for them and the picnic basket he had prepared. Lorelai's appetite wasn't in its true form and she just wasn't up to eating. Luke packed up the food and put it back in the truck. When he came back he laid on the blanket and patted the space beside him. Lorelai smiled and pay beside him and snuggling close to him as he wrapped his arms around her. She lay her on his chest and closed her eyes.

"This is nice." She murmured. Luke hugged her tighter and placed his lips on her head silently.

"Luke, I'm scared."

"I know you are Sweetheart, so am I. But we can do this." Lorelai laced her fingers through his.

"Luke, what if…"

"We'll cross that bridge if we get to it."

"We need to talk about the possibilities Luke," Lorelai felt him tense up beneath her. He held his breath for a moment before speaking.

"Okay, shoot…"

"If I, you know… I want Zeik to live with you but I want him to be close to his grandparents, just like Rory is. I want him to spend the night there whenever he wants, maybe one weekend a month he can stay there with them. I want them to have unlimited access to him. It would mean a lot to them."

"Done, you know I would never keep Zeik from them."

"I also want you to look out for Rory. I know you already do, but you need to be me in her life. I know you're not sisterhood girlfriend material but I know you're the best friend I have, and I want her to have that too."

"What else,"

"My parents have grown to love you, my father adores you and my mother thinks the world of you. Who would have thought, the Gilmore's huh, but they do. After I'm gone, I know it would mean a lot to them to be a part of your life too. I want you to go to them, and though they can never be your parents, know that they're at your disposal. If you need help with Zeik, Rory, or anything at all, they're there for you. I want you to look out for them. My father is going to rely on the friendship that you have built with him. My mother will cling to you because of your connection to me, please be there for them."

"And…" he prodded knowing she was getting to something big,

"I want you to go on. I don't want you to duck your head back in your shell and hide. I want you to live life, fall in love."

"No."

"Luke,"

"No Lorelai, I will look after Zeik, make the best of his life. Make sure he stays close to his sister and grandparents. I will look after Rory and be there for her every step of the way. I will be there for your parents, I will live my life to the best of my ability, but you cannot deny me the solitude I need to endure your absence. You cannot ask me to fall in love with someone else as though it's the easiest thing to do. It took me a lifetime to admit how much I loved you. It's not easy, you cannot ask me to let go of you as though you were just someone who was in my life once. You are and have always been the love of my life, you can't ask me to fall in love with someone when you're going to be taking my heart with you. Don't you understand that if my love for you is not strong enough to keep you here, it will never work again. I won't do it Lorelai, you can forget that now. You can be mad at me, I don't care, but don't you dare deny me holding on to you when it's going to be the only thing aside our children that will enable me to wake up every morning and get out of bed." Luke was so upset that he worked himself to a rant. He sat up and looked away.

"You can't ask me that." He whispered. Lorelai sat up and wrapped her arms around him.

"I love you Luke Danes. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. All I am saying is that I need for you to move forward to not hold on to the memory of me. To not shut yourself out from the rest of the world, Zeik is going to learn everything from you and I want him to learn how to love, how to survive, that despite the love we lost, that you're open to all life has to offer, and if someone comes along, I want you to be open to that too. Who I am doesn't die just because you move on. Your love for me doesn't diminish because someone else comes along side you, to partner with you. You have so much love inside you Luke, and I have been blessed to be on the receiving end of that for over a decade. I feel incredibly lucky to have had that, but that's who you are and that certainly doesn't stop if I'm gone. Iif you think that being a hermit is going to honor my memory, it won't. I may more than likely have to come back and kick your ass." She saw him resist a small smile.

"Please Luke, I want you to be happy."

"Then you fight Lorelai. You fight. If you think I am going to sit here and plan a future without you you're mistaken. I've heard what you had to say, and I will take it on board, but you listen to me Lorelai Gilmore, allowing you to vocalize your last wishes is one thing, but if you think that means I am going to let you slip into that frame of mind of defeat, you're mistaken. You're going to fight, you hear me." He pleaded with tears in his eyes. Lorelai brought her forehead against his and held his face with her hands.

"I promise you!"


	14. Chapter 14

"Mom, we're home." Lorelai called out as she and Luke walked in. Emily came from the living room to greet them.

"Hello you two, how was the picnic?"

"It was nice." Lorelai answered. Emily caught the look of sadness in Luke's eyes and could tell that there was a major discussion during the picnic.

"If you're all set up here, I might drive to Stars Hollow and check on the Diner?"

Lorelai glanced up at him and nodded, understanding that he needed room to digest what she had asked from him. Lorelai reached over and kissed him on the cheek.

"See you soon"

Luke barely made it to his truck when the flood of tears over took him. His shoulders shook uncontrollably as he covered his mouth willing himself to be silent. In his state he did not hear the door open. He jumped in surprise as Richard draped an arm around him.

"It's okay Son, let it out." Luke looked at his through his tears and bowed his head on the steering wheel and wept. A few minutes later Luke's sobbing had subsided.

"I can't lose her." He said in such despair that it tore Richard on the inside. Luke and Lorelai loved each other with such intensity and passion that one could only envy it from afar. When Luke had calmed down, he looked at Richard with renewed gratitude,

"Thank you Richard."

Richard insisted on accompanying Luke to Stars Hollow, mainly because he wanted to make sure he was within the right frame of mind to be operating a motor vehicle.

"She asked me to move on with my life, to love again, after she's gone." Luke said breaking the silence in the car. Richard inwardly gasped, unable to find the words to comfort Luke or himself. Had Lorelai really entertained the idea that she wouldn't make it? His daughter Lorelai, the fighter. The mere thought frightened him.

They weren't gone too long. Luke was pretty much in and out. He just stayed long enough to see that Diner was still standing and packed clothes for himself. Force of habit had him dumping doughnuts in a box for Lorelai and Rory. He offered one to Richard who smiled mischievously before taking it, knowing it would be off limits to him once they reached home. In compensation Luke reached for a bottle of water from the fridge and handed it to him.

"Bless you!" he said happily as he munched on the doughnut. Luke couldn't help but shake his head, the more time he spent with Richard, the more he realized how alike he and Lorelai were.

Meanwhile Lorelai was lying down on her parents bed while Emily was sorting our paperwork on her desk.

"Mom?" Lorelai said absently,

"Yes Dear."

"I asked Luke to raise Zeik, if anything happened to me. I know you'd be happy to raise him and I think you'd do great job with him, but I thought he should get a chance to grow up with a father." Emily froze, she had guessed that Lorelai had been thinking, and exercising each avenue and making sire she had covered her basis, but hearing her say it out loud almost broker her heart.

"Lorelai, you know whatever your wishes we will honor."

"Luke has promised you full access to Zeik and weekends with him too." Her attention to detail frightened Emily. As if reading her thoughts,

"I don't want to think this way Mom, but I have to make sure it's all settled if something were to happen."

"I understand."

"Mom, I need you to do something for me."

"Name it,"

"I need you to look after Luke. If something does happen to me, he'll shut down. He'll hide himself away from the world and I can't have him do that, for him or for the kids. They're going to be looking to him for strength and I need him to be strong, which he will be, but I need him to not be so shut down that he's like a rock. As tough as he is, I think he's always longed for a maternal/paternal figure and I guess I'm asking you to treat him as the son in law he could have been."

"If I have learned anything these last few days, is that Luke will never be anything less than a part of this family. He has earned his place and deserves it wholeheartedly. Rest assured that God forbid something happens to you, he will be well taken care of."

"Thank you." Lorelai got up from where she was lying down and walked over to where Emily was and wrapped her arms around her shoulders and looked at her through the mirror.

"I love you Mom." Emily's eyes filled with tears as she held Lorelai's arms close to her.

"I love you too"


	15. Chapter 15

Rory found her mother asleep in her grandparents room, she lay down next to her as she read. When Lorelai had felt her presence she had woken up and wrapped her arms around her daughter's waist and pulled her closer.

"Hey Kid, how long have I been out?"

"Not long, Grandma came down about an hour ago?"

"Dad and Luke back?"

"They're on their way. Luke called just before they left the Diner. They're going to the supermarket to pick up ingredients for dinner. Seriously Mom, cheeseburgers? You really want to see Grandma eat something with her hands. You are talking about a lady who ate a frozen pizza with a knife and fork." Lorelai grinned at Rory.

"That's the whole point."

"Evil!"

Lorelai considered what to say to Rory, in case something happened to her, but she couldn't find the words. Rory was one of her best friends, and if anyone knew exactly how she felt, it was Rory. There was not a shadow of doubt in her mind that Rory knew that she loved her with all her heart.

That night Dinner was held in the kitchen again and the six of them, including Zeik in his bassinet laughed and joked around throughout dinner.

"Seriously Mom, pick up the burger with your hands. Just as the Chef from long ago intended it. I promise, everyone in this room is sworn to secrecy. It will not leave this room that Emily Gilmore dared to pick up food with her bare hands."

"Oh, all right. If it gives you that much joy." Emily relented picking up the cheeseburger with both hands and took a reluctant bite. Luke, Lorelai, Rory and Richard watched in anticipation.

"While I may not order it every day, I must say I can understand my daughter and grand daughters deep love for your cheeseburgers Luke, they're amazing." Emily complimented. Lorelai and Rory looked at each other as their jaws dropped. Richard and Luke just watched in amusement.

"Thank you Emily."

After dinner the five of them retreated into the den with Cranium on hand, resulting to another couple of hours of family fun. It had started innocently enough, Boys vs Girls. What erupted instead was a highly competitive game of Cranium.

"Grandma, what is that?" Rory asked as she picked up the play dough in which Emily had attempted to mould into something that none of them could quite figure out.

"It's a chef." Richard, Luke, Rory and Lorelai looked each other for a moment before bursting out into hysterical laughter.

"Emily, I'm no chef, but I'd hate to think I was your inspiration for this creation." Luke said in between breaths, causing more laughter from the Gilmore's, Emily who could have been offended replied with a huff,

"Have you never heard of Artistic License? Any of you?" Emily feigned annoyance as the rest of her family tried to contain themselves, wiping the tears from their eyes.

"Oww, my stomach hurts, stop." Rory said slouching back down on the couch beside her Mom. Lorelai threw an arm around her daughter and pulled her close. She brought her lips to Rory's head as she gave her a quick squeeze. Rory snuggled closer to her mother and did not let go. At this point Luke had suggested they watch a movie, and everyone agreed. As though they were all wanting to stay in the same place together, afraid to separate. Luke had put Willy Wonka into the DVD player knowing that the girls had not been able to watch it the previous night.

Lorelai, Rory and Luke chuckled as Richard expressed his disbelief of the existence on Oompah Loompah's.

"Careful Grandpa, one of Mom's dreams is to marry an Oompah Loompah." Richard spun around to look at Lorelai hoping that Rory was joking, but the look on Lorelai's face told him that she was very much serious.

"What, they made chocolate." she declared as though that explained everything.

"I'm not quite sure how I'm feeling right now." Luke muttered to himself. To which they all laughed.

It was tough saying goodnight, and it seemed as though everyone was waiting for someone else to make the first move. Lorelai looked over at each of them, with their eyes dropping and she had to smile.

"Guys, why don't we go to bed. We have an early start anyway." She watched as they all reluctantly agreed and got up from their positions. Lorelai noted that Luke did not make a move.

"Go on ahead hon, I'll be right up." Rory wrapped her arms around Lorelai and gave her a quick hug before following her grandparents out of the den.

"And then there were two." Lorelai said softly looking at Luke. She laced her fingers through his and he grabbed her hand.

"Luke, it's going to be okay."

"Shouldn't I be the one offering you the reassurances?" he asked.

"Well, you looked like you needed the reassurance more than I did. Seriously, it's just an operation, and I'm tough. It's going to take more than an operation to take me down. I have too much to live for." She said it with such certainty that he couldn't not believe in it. He had to.

"Let's get some sleep shall we? Or at least try?" he suggested. Lorelai nodded standing to her feet and holding out a hand to him. As Luke got up he pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly. Lorelai buried her face into his chest. Luke breathed scent in as brought his lips to her head.

"I love you." Lorelai said so softly that he had almost missed it. Luke lifted her chin to meet his gaze,

"I love you!" he replied with such passion and sincerity that in resonated through her heart.

Lorelai stood outside her parent's door after saying goodnight to Luke, hesitantly she knocked, hearing her mother's voice welcome her in she proceeded to come in. As she looked at her parents on their bed, it was as though she was transported back to when she was 4 years old, which was the last time she had knocked on their door like this. No matter how old she was, her parents bed always looked so humongous and still did. Without a word Emily had lovingly patted the space between her and Richard. Lorelai broke into a grin and climbed in between them, just as she had back then, back when her parents were her world, before their expectations of her grew into something she felt the need to rebel from. Lorelai snuggled into her father's arms and held onto Emily's arm as it draped across her stomach. Emily stroked her hair and within minutes, Lorelai was fast asleep. Rory had come looking for her mother and found her in her grandparent's room Emily reached out to Rory as she walked in and made room for her between herself and Lorelai. Rory wrapped her arms around her mother and fell straight to sleep while Richard and Emily shared a look above their heads. Richard held out his free hand to hers and gave it a firm squeeze.


	16. Chapter 16

Not one were able to sleep soundly that evening with the exception of Lorelai for which her parents were grateful.

"I'm glad she slept through the night," Luke said handing Emily a cup of tea.

"Thanks. I am guessing none of us were as successful," Emily observed as they both stood in the kitchen extremely early that morning.

"I don't think we will be for awhile. Not until this is all over." He admitted with a shrug. Emily could see that the last few days were taking its toll on him physically and definitely emotionally. She felt privy to witness this side of him, as when he is around Lorelai, he is the tower of strength that she needed him to be, the pillar that they all leaned on when they could no longer stand.

The ride to the hospital was somewhat somber. All were consumed in their own thoughts and their own fears. Luke had driven the Gilmore's car, Lorelai at the front, Rory in between her grandparents in the back seat. Wordlessly Emily had tried to get Lorelai as comfortable as she could on the hospital bed, fully outfitted in her hospital gown. Even Lorelai was too freaked out to crack a joke. Rory held one of her mother's hands while Luke sat on the bed with Lorelai as she against him. When the Doctor had come in to explain the procedure and advise that they were taking her in soon, it was like there was a drop in the temperature in the room. Rory looked away and fought back the tears while Luke's arms around Lorelai unconsciously tightened. Richard and Emily squeezed their already joined hands. When the nurse came in to pre her, they stood outside her door in a line, unable to move, unable to speak. When they were let in, one by one they reluctantly said their goodbyes.

Richard walked over to her hugged her fiercely, planting a kiss on her forehead.

"I'll see you when you get out princess. I love you" He said taking her face in his hands. Lorelai couldn't help but smile. He hadn't called her Princess since she was little.

"I love you too Daddy," Richard moved a little to allow Emily to wrap her arms around her daughter.

"You're the strongest person I know my darling, and you will be come through to the other side of this. There is so much awaiting you. So you fight in there, you hear me." Emily whispered in her ear. Lorelai's eyes filled with tears.

"I will Mommy. I will. I love you Mom."

"I love you too dear."

As soon as Emily and Richard moved Rory had flung herself into her mother's chest as Lorelai wrapped her arms around her tightly.

"My precious baby girl, you be strong for Mommy okay. I'll see you when I get out. Love you." Lorelai said looking straight into Rory's eyes.

"I love you Mom."

Richard and Emily led Rory out of the room, giving Luke and Lorelai a little privacy.

"Call Sookie when I'm done, so she can bring Zeik okay." She requested tiredly. Luke nodded resuming his position behind her on the bed and holding her close. Sookie had come over that morning to stay with Zeik. Lorelai had suggested to not take Zeik to the hospital as it would just be uncomfortable for the baby. After Lorelai had woken up she sat with Zeik for awhile on the rocking chair holding him close, talking to him.

"Luke…"

"Yes baby,"

"I love you." She said as her voice cracked.

"I love you too." Luke replied as tears fell from his eyes.

"You'll be here when I come back?" Lorelai asked

"Try and stop me."

It wasn't long after that the nurses came to wheel her out of the room into pre-op. The Doctor had warned them that it could take several hours and not to panic. He also promised to have one of the nurses update them as often as possible. With one last wave Lorelai was wheeled away from them. Emily sunk to the nearest chair and brought her hand to her mouth as if to stop any sound that may escape her. Richard immediately came to her aid and pulled her into his arms as Luke held on to Rory who had wrapped her arms around him, burying her head to his chest, silent tears flowed uncontrollably. Luke just hugged her tighter and brought his lips to the top of her head.

"She'll be okay kiddo. You know you're mother is the most stubborn person in the world, there's no way she'd go down knowing that you, Zeik and your grandparents are here waiting for her, worrying about her. Rory looked up at him,

"She's fighting for you too Luke." She said softly.

"I know hon. I know."

None of them could bring themselves to eat that morning. Lorelai couldn't eat even if she wanted as she was nil by mouth due to the operation. Luke had cooked them all a little something and had packed it into a bag. After an hour of sitting there lost in their own thoughts, Luke had grabbed the bag from Richard's car and began handing out containers and bottles of water. Emily was about to refuse when Luke shook his head,

"You need to eat Emily." Emily obliged knowing he was right. Rory broke into a grin when she saw that in her container he had made her a cheeseburger.

"Thanks Luke." As well as the food he pulled out Mexican Train Dominoes and began to set it up on the table, thinking it was more appropriate than Cranium. Emily, Richard and Rory pulled their chairs around the table and Rory began to go through the rules with her grandparents. Richard took to the game rather quickly, enjoying the strategy possibilities. It took their minds away from the worst case scenarios that they would inevitably be playing out in their own heads. After the first game, Luke excused himself and went for a walk. Emily, who had also excused herself from the game to read a book watched as Luke paced outside, knowing that he was trying to keep a solid front for Rory, for all of them.

"Hey Sook, how's Zeik?" he asked as Sookie answered her cell phone.

"He's an angel. Fast asleep for his morning nap. How is she? Has she gone in yet?"

"Yeah, a little over an hour or so ago," He answered, his voice breaking a little as he tried to keep his composure.

"How are you hon?" Sookie asked concerned.

"Trying really hard to keep it together Sook." He admitted to one of his best friends. Sookie's heart went out to him. She and Luke had been friends in High School, and they had always been tight. When Lorelai had come along their friendship had grown even more.

"I know hon, and you're doing a great job. She will get through this. We will all get through this. You just keeping hanging on and if you need to break down you call me okay. I'm here."

"Thanks Sook. I feel better already."

"I'm glad. Now go back in there before Rory realizes you've been gone for awhile."

"Going, going. Give my little man a kiss for me."

"I will do. Give Rory a hug for me." '

"Done deal, talk to you later Sook."

When he entered the waiting room Rory jumped to her feet and straight into his arms. Surprised Luke wrapped his arms around her and looked at Emily who gave him a small smile. It was hard to miss how much her girls loved him, depended on him, and drew strength from him. She realized in the last few days how easily it had become for her and Richard to draw strength from him too. He was a remarkable man and she was glad that Lorelai had found him.

"I checked on Zeik." He explained.

"Has the nurse come in?"

"Yes, very briefly. She's still under and the surgeon's are still working on her. She can't give specifics, but it was better than nothing." Richard answered him.

"Emily, did you and Richard want to go for a walk. Stretch your legs. There's a garden downstairs. It's small, but it's better than being cooped up in here." Luke suggested.

"That would be nice. Rory would you like to join us?" Rory shook her head.

"Not thanks Grandma. If it's okay, I'd like to stay here with Luke." Emily nodded in consent.

"You'll call if you hear anything?"

"You know I will Emily."

Luke led Rory, who hadn't untangled herself from him, to the couch and sat beside her. Silently they sat, arms wrapped around each other in a companionable silence. The nurses from the desk observed them smiling. For the last couple of hours they had been observing the Gilmore/Danes clan and could not help notice the closeness of bond between the family. They watched as Luke absently stroke Rory's hair with his fingers. To those who didn't know any better, they would assume that she was his daughter.

"Luke, I'm so glad you're around." Rory whispered.

"Kid, I will always be around. I will be here for you, your Mom, and your grandparents. You're my family and families stick together."

"Luke, do you regret…" Rory began but stopped,

"…not running after her when she walked away that night?" he continued, to which she nodded. Luke looked away for a moment before meeting her gaze as she looked up at him from where her head lay on his chest.

"Every second, of every day, for as long as I live," Rory saw the sorrow in his eyes.

"All that matters to us is that you're here now. The thing is Luke, as much as we needed you to be there back then. Mom needed to turn to my grandparents. It's what brought them to where they are and as much as we missed you, and as much as she would have loved for you to be there during that period of time, what she has now with them, is something I know means the world to her and to them. She learned to trust them, and rely on them, which is something she has never been able to do all her life. Where she is with them, aside from being with you, and having me and Zeik, is the most important to her." Luke thought about what she had said and took comfort in it. Their time apart did not amount to nothing and complete loss. If anything it brought Lorelai to her growth. The person who she was now, and as much as he loved the Lorelai he knew, he found the impossible happening, and that was to love her more and more each day.

"Thanks kid."

Just as Richard and Emily walked in, they saw the Doctor headed their way. Rory and Luke jumped to their feet to join Richard and Emily. All four of them watched the Doctor in anticipation, trying to read his movement. Was it good news? Was it bad news? They watched as he took his cap off and walk towards them.

"Luke, Emily, Richard, Rory…."

_**I know I know…. That was a mean place to stop… I promise to update soon. Sorry it has taken me awhile to update. I sooo appreciate your feedbacks! **_


	17. Chapter 17

"We've just finished on Lorelai. It seems that there were a lot more tumours than what we could see in the films. Some had piggybacked against other small tumours and there were a few of them located in her vital organs. Now we have managed to remove all of them, but Lorelai needs to have intensive radiation to kill off whatever may be too small to be seen and what are currently forming. We're going need to be aggressive. Your daughter/mother/wife is a fighter and incredibly stubborn, if I were bet on anyone beating this, it would be her. But I won't lie to you. The next few weeks are going to be tough and radiation itself is going to feel like death while she's in the midst of it. There are side effects to radiation, loss of hair, depression, etc. Not to mention her resistance is going to diminish rapidly, and she will be prone to all kinds of ailments. A simple cold could set her back, even kill her, these next few weeks are the best chances she's going to have in surviving, but it's going to be a battle. There are no guarantees." His last four words lingered in all of their ears.

"Can we see her?" Rory asked breaking their trance, anxious to see her Mother.

"She's in Post Op right now, once she's ready we'll bring her back to her room. It should be in about an hour or so. I suggest that you guys try and grab an early dinner, as I am going to guess none of you have any plans on going home in the near future." He paused for a moment looking at four determined faces,

"I thought so. I'll have someone come and find you once she's on her way. The operation went well, and she's stable now. She's incredibly strong, and a fighter, that will come a long way."

"Thank you Doctor." Emily said gratefully. The Doctor excused himself and headed back towards the corridor.

"She made it through surgery. One step at a time." Richard muttered as though he was psyching himself up more than the others.

"He's right you guys, if we're going to be here all night, we should grab something now." Luke said.

"It'd be good if we all went together. They know how to get in contact with us. There's not much we can do whilst she's in post op. Let's go downstairs to the Cafeteria." Reluctantly the other three agreed and allowed him to lead the way to Cafeteria where they all absently picked at their food.

Though Lorelai had survived the operation, there were no guarantees and the worst is still ahead for her. She would need all the strength she could muster to get through the next few weeks and they were all worried. One of the nurses had come and found them to let them know that Lorelai was due back in her room in a few minutes. The all jumped to their feet without a word and hurriedly headed for her room. She was being wheeled in just as they arrived.

"She hasn't woken up yet. She may not for the rest of the evening." Melanie, one of the nurses advised. Rory grabbed hold of her mother's hand and held it tightly. Emily and Richard stood on the other side Richard held on to her hand as Emily stroked her hair. Luke stood by her feet, his hands resting on them, making his presence known.

"I think she's down for the night. Why don't you guys go on home and I'll take this shift. There's no point in all of us sleeping on chairs tonight. If she wakes up I'll give you a call. Hartford Hospital is literally 5 minutes away."

"I guess, are you sure you'll be okay?" Emily asked.

"I'll be fine."

"Can we bring you anything?" Rory asked.

"If you could bring my overnight bag tomorrow when you come back, that way I can get changed and maybe take a quick shower. "

"You got it." Rory gave her mother a kiss on the cheek and whispered 'I love you' before walking into Luke's arms wrapping her own arms around him.

"Get some rest Kiddo. I'll see you in the morning."

Luke watched as Lorelai's parents bid her good night. He knew that Emily was seconds away from breaking down, and was glad she had agreed to go home for the evening. As they walked out Emily caught Luke's hand in his and without a word but the simple look in her eye, he understood what she was trying to say.

Luke pulled the chair closer to Lorelai's bedside, and brought her hand to his lips. She stirred bringing him out of his stupor.

"Lorelai…" he whispered.

Disoriented she struggled to open her eyes.

"Luke," she said hoarsely trying to follow his voice.

"I'm here sweetheart. How do you feel?" He asked getting up so that she could see him. He stroked her head and planted a kiss on her forehead.

"Like someone's been jack hammering my insides." She replied meekly.

"I'd hate to break this to you babe, but they pretty much did." He joked.

"Is there anything I can get you? Water? Juice? Food?" Luke asked.

"Come here. Lay beside me. Need you." Lorelai whispered. Luke hesitated not wanting to move her. Lorelai carefully shuffled herself to make room for him on her bed, careful not make any sudden movements that could potentially inflict more pain on herself. Luke carefully lifted himself on the bed and lay on his side. He gently placed his arms beneath her bed and held her as close as he could without hitting open wounds. Lorelai held on to his free hang and squeezed it.

"Thank you for being here."

"No other place I'd rather be than be here with you. Now shh, get some rest, I'll be right here." Lorelai snuggled her head closer to his chest, savouring his familiar Luke scent. Luke kissed the top of her head and held her close. When Melanie, the nurse came in to check her vitals she smiled at the sight of them intertwined on the bed. It was hard to miss the love that was evidently there. Luke woke up and noticed that the nurse was checking on Lorelai.

"Is she okay?"

"As okay as one can be after that kind of surgery. She's doing great. Would you like me to get a cot for you?" Melanie asked, his position on the bed just didn't scream out comfort. Luke shook his head,

"She's comfortable, I'll be okay. Could you do me a favour though?" he asked politely,

"Sure."

"Can you call her parents, tell them she woke up and she's fine but she'd gone back to sleep. Knowing them they're staying vigil by the phone, if we let them know she's been awake, that may allow them a couple of uninterrupted sleep."

"Sure Mr Danes."

"Thank you, and please, it's Luke."


	18. Chapter 18

_**Okay, Loridhip brought up a good point, chemotherapy would work best for her condition, therefore I have tweaked it in this chapter that she will be getting Chemo. Heck I even skim read a fact file just to make sure I hit some sort of accuracy. Thanks so much for your feedbacks. I so appreciate it. Thanks for coming along the journey!**_

Lorelai and Luke were still fast asleep when Rory and her grandparents walked in. The three if them exchanged a smile at the sight of them. Lorelai curled up against Luke her head buried in the crook of his arm. From the position Luke was in they knew he was going to be sore for the rest of the day, as half his body was hanging and out he was on an angle to give Lorelai the best possible comfort and careful to not touch her wounds. Emily walked over to him and gently shook him awake. He looked up sheepishly, he had intended to be up by the time they arrived, but after being up most of the night on and off making sure Lorelai was okay had finally taken its toll on him.

"Morning Sunshine." Richard teased.

"We brought you your bag Luke. How's Mom?" Rory asked.

"Thanks Kid. Your Mom's fine. She's sore, but she's okay. She's looking forward to seeing you guys. Where's Zeik?"

"Sookie's on her way in with him. She's coming straight from Stars Hollow." Emily answered.

"Good, Lorelai's anxious to see both of her babies." Luke gave Rory a quick wink.

"Hey Ror, why don't you take my place here while I grab a quick shower?" he suggested pointing to the bathroom attached to Lorelai's single room. Carefully he eased himself off the bed and guided Rory into taking his place. Lorelai stirred but did not awaken.

"Luke we brought you tea and some breakfast from home. I hope blueberry muffins are okay and some fruit salad." Richard said pointing to the small cooler bag beside Luke's overnight bag.

"Thank you. I might shower quickly and eat. I want to be here when she wakes up." Richard nodded understandingly. He sat on the arm chair in the corner of the room while Emily joined him. She passed him the newspaper as she proceeded to pick up from where she left off in her novel the day before. While Luke was having his breakfast on the table Lorelai stirred.

"Luke, mmmm, hungry."

"I love how she associates me with her hunger." Luke said dryly, inwardly pleased. The Gilmore's laughed as they all stood to their feet to greet her. Lorelai opened her eyes and saw them standing over her.

"I suddenly know how Nemo felt in the dentist's chair." Lorelai joked. Rory smirked as she was the only one who got what she meant.

"How are you feeling dear?" Emily asked trying to hide her worry.

"I'm fine Mom. Sore, but okay. I am hungry though." Luke laughed,

"I'll go and grab you something from downstairs. Rory you want to come?" Rory nodded and carefully hopped out of her Mother's bed and followed him out the door. Luke threw an arm over her shoulder and gave her a brief squeeze.

"He's so good with her." Emily observed once they were out of earshot.

"To her, to me, and for both us." Lorelai completed.

"Was I under for very long?"

"Longer than what they anticipated but not long enough to have your mother hysterical." Richard answered with some attempt of humour.

"Well?" she asked seeing as every time the Doctor had come in to see her she had been asleep.

"They found more tumours that they saw in the films. They've found small ones around certain organs. Doctor Reed says that your best option would be aggressive chemotherapy. He wants to start you right away. He'll keep you in the hospital for the first round, as they want to keep an eye out on you seeing as you've not long since got out of surgery." Emily tried to keep her voice steady as she spoke, but Lorelai could see right through her. She grabbed her mother's hands in hers and gave it a squeeze.

"I'll be fine Mom. I promise."

"Of course you will. You're a Gilmore!" Richard stated proudly placing a hand on her head.

"You do realise that if I have to stay in this hospital room for the next few days, I'm going to need to be entertained." Lorelai teased.

"I think that's where we come in." Luke said coming in carrying fifty different types of balloons on one hand, lunch on the other, with Rory following close behind with a huge teddy bear and what looked like a lifetime supply of magazines.

"You guys are the bomb! Luke, how many balloons do you have in your hand?"

"That was almost a 'Dirty'" Rory muttered beneath her breath which Lorelai and Luke caught, to which they laughed.

"There's 50. 40 for each year since you were born, and a balloon to represent all of us who are closest to you, Me, Rory, Zeik, Richard, Emily, Sookie, Jackson, Mia, Davey and Martha. You can even pick who's who…" he added as he pointed to the array of character balloons he had in his hands. Lorelai grinned at the sentiment.

"Thanks Luke."

Shortly after the Doctor came in to check on Lorelai and prepare her for what's ahead in the coming week.

"Now Lorelai we're going to set you up on your first cycle of Chemotherapy as of tomorrow. The first cycle will consist of a treatment every day for four days. I'm not going to sugar coat it for you. It's going to be hell for you. You're going to be so sick, you'll be tired, you'll be throwing up, amongst other unpleasant things…"

"Geez Doc you make it sound so much fun," she teased in good spirits,

"I just want you to be prepared. After your first cycle is finished, we'll wait three weeks and see what effects it had. Hopefully it will get rid of the tumours we couldn't see or get to." If it looks like it is working, we'll hit you again with another cycle, wait another three weeks, and take it from there. We will keep going as long as we see that it is making a difference,"

"And if it isn't?" Lorelai asked in a small voice.

"We will cross that bridge if we ever get there. For now concentrate of today. You're stronger than anyone I have ever met, so don't let me down okay."

Luke squeezed Lorelai's hand reassuringly as she looked up at Doctor Reed with great respect and affection. He had been the Gilmore's family friend for a number of years, and having him look after her made them all feel better.

"Wouldn't dream of it Doctor T" she said smiling up at him referring to him by the nickname she had given him back when she was younger.

Sookie arrived with Zeik a few minutes later.

"My baby boy!" Lorelai squealed with happiness, aside from her non movement and somewhat paler complexion one would be none the wiser that she had just had a major operation.

"I'll try not to develop a complex for her lack of enthusiasm for my presence this morning." Rory said in mock offence.

"Oh Babe!" Lorelai said reaching for her hand which Rory playfully moved away.

"No no, it's good to know where in the food chain I fall." She replied pouting as the rest of them laughed. Luke Gently placed his sleeping son beside Lorelai on the bed as she hugged him close and buried her head in the little bundle that lay before her.

"Hey kiddo. Mommy's missed you. Did you miss Mommy?" she whispered. Emily who felt the weight of everything that Doctor Reed has said and the sight of Lorelai with Zeik almost lost her footing. Luke who happened to be beside her noted the look on her face and discrretly placed an arm around her shoulder, as if to steady her. She looked up at him in surprise and with gratitude. It was going to be a long week.


	19. Chapter 19

Their day was spent hanging out in Lorelai's room, talking, playing games. Richard and Emily had slipped out for a couple of hours to purchase a few more things to keep their daughter occupied, in what was to be the worst week of her life. Leaving Lorelai, Luke, Rory and Zeik to hang out on their own, Sookie had left earlier to get back to the Inn. Her private room was reasonably sized, and her parent's connections had enabled her to be comfortable. They had even placed a cot in her room, though they knew the chances were Luke was going to share her bed again that evening. When Richard and Emily arrived he had with him a Mini DVD player and a handful of DVD's recommended by Rory. He also handed her an IPOD.

"Aww, Daddy you guys didn't have to do this?" Emily began to unpack new pyjamas, sweats and a robe for her.

"We picked up Rory's laptop from the house while your Mother had your new clothes washed for you so that she can, is it download the songs into your IPOD. We thought it might be handy for your when you're having your treatment."

"Thank you guys. You thought of everything." Lorelai said looking a little pale from where she lay.

"Why don't you grab a nap Lorelai. You need to rest. Rory and I will head to the Hollow to check on the Diner and bring you back some Diner food while your parents stay here with you."

"Sounds good," Lorelai replied as her eyes began to droop.

"Mom, will you stay with me?" Emily walked over to her daughter and resumed the place in which Rory inhabited beside her on the bed and began stroking her daughter's hair.

"Hey Grandpa, what do you say I give you a crash course on how to upload songs into the IPOD to keep you entertained for the rest of the afternoon. I have wireless too so if your need log into the internet, check your mail, you can."

"That would be lovely Rory." Rory walked over to her grandfather and began giving him instructions while Lorelai, Luke, and Emily watched in amusement.

"So get some sleep crazy lady and we'll see you in a bit." Luke said leaning down to place a kiss on her forehead.

"You ready Kid?" he asked looking toward Rory who nodded. She hopped off the arm chair beside her grandfather and gave her mother a hug before leaving with Luke. Luke draped an arm around Rory's shoulder as they walked out of there.

That evening they called it a night early in the evening as Lorelai had her treatment early the following morning. Luke changed into his sweats and t shirt and at her request joined her on the bed wrapping his arms securely around her as she nestled against him.

"I'm scared Luke." She whispered in a barely audible voice. Luke tightened his arms around her and placed his lips on her forehead.

"I know sweetheart. I know. But you're not going through this alone. I'll be there, your Mom and Dad are there. Rory, Sookie. We're all here for you. We'll get you through this. You just need to fight and keep on fighting. Promise me that you'll never stop." Lorelai looked up and met his watery eyes. She reached up and placed her hand on his cheek.

"I promise Luke. I promise!"

"Go to sleep!"" he said kissing her forehead once more and pulling her as close as humanly possible. Luke was side awake the whole night as she slept in his arms. Lorelai slept fitfully but his presence calmed her. As soon as she sensed he was with her she'd fall back to sleep.

Luke had given her bath to best of his ability careful not to wet her wounds, he washed her hair and was in her new pyjamas by the time The Gilmore's arrived early the next morning. The Doctor had decided to administer the chemo from her room so that she was more comfortable. Luke stayed with her on the bed holding her, as they administered through her arm. Emily, Rory, and Richard took turns in sitting on the edge of the bed rubbing her legs in hopes that it comforted her as her body reacted to the poisons that went through her veins. Luke held her as her body involuntarily jerked every so often, she moaned from the pain and buried her face into his chest. Richard took it upon himself to take Rory out of the room seeing the young girls bravado quickly diminish at he sight of her Mother's agony. Emily and Luke shared a pained look.

"It's okay sweetheart. Not long to go. You're doing great. You're amazing Lorelai, I love you." He whispered in here ear repeatedly. Emily's eyes filled with tears as she watched him struggle to keep it together, to see her little girl in so much pain. Hearing her howl at the torture she felt. It broke her heart. It haunted her soul.

By the time Lorelai had finished her first round of Chemotherapy she was completely worn out and was fast asleep in Luke's arms. Every so often she would groan from the pain she felt and Luke would just hold her tighter and kiss her on the head running his finger through her soothingly. Richard and Rory re-joined them after the nurses took out the machines out of Lorelai's room. Luke took one look at Rory and asked Emily to take his place beside Lorelai. He walked over to Rory and pulled her into his arms as Rory broke down. Luke led her out of the room to avoid Lorelai waking up. Richard and Emily watched as Luke tended to their grand daughter and ran his hands comfortingly up and down her back. They watched as Luke took Rory's face in his hands and talk to her lovingly. They couldn't hear what he was saying, but they could see Rory nod in response to his words,

"I know it's hard to watch her like that Kiddo. I think it would be better if you didn't. I know you want to be there for your Mom, but she would hate to know that you could see her like that. It's only a few more to go. You can be there before and definitely after, but I don't want you in there during Rory. I don't want to have to worry about you in there too. Your Mom will understand, heck she'd even be relieved. I don't want you to be haunted by those images Rory. You hold on to your Memories with your Mom, you hold them tightly."

"Okay Luke." She replied as relief filled her. She wrapped her arms around his waist as she did when she was little and clung to him tightly. There was nothing more comforting then being engulfed in Luke's strong arms. She always felt safe there, protected, loved.

When they returned Luke suggested that Rory take her grand mother downstairs for a break and a cup of tea, leaving Luke alone with Richard who had taken over Emily's place and held on to his daughter. Silent tears began to flow from his eyes, Luke met his devastated eyes and they both nodded. It was a silent understanding, a partnership, it was their duty to take care of the Women in their lives, to be the pillar they needed, but sitting there alone, on either side of Lorelai, they were able to break down in private. Grief overtook Luke as unable to catch his breath. He tried to hold back his tears, but he couldn't. He brought his hands to his mouth in attempt to muffle himself, as Richard looked away giving him the privacy he needed to release what was in his heart.


	20. Chapter 20

_**My apologies for the delay of my updates. It's been a crazy couple of months at work for me, as my shifts keep jumping all over the place. I'll try and do better… hope you enjoy this update. It's short, but I'm working on the next chapter as we speak.**_

They were in their respective corners lost in their own thoughts when Lorelai had woken up. She groaned involuntarily.

"Luke," she said searching for him

"I'm here Lorelai."

"Luke, I don't feel so good." On instinct Luke grabbed the clean bed pan that the nurse had left in case Lorelai felt sick. Just as Luke had put it in front of her Lorelai threw up, and threw up repeatedly till she was dry wretching. Emily held the bed pan while Luke held Lorelai's hair back with one hand and rubbing hair back with the other. Lorelai who had no energy left could barely lift her head up to vomit so Luke carefully positioned himself behind her so she could lean against him.

"Grandpa, is it okay if we go?" Rory said quietly placing a hand on her grand father's arm.

"Of course dear." Luke looked up at Rory and nodded, he gave her a smile to which she smiled back and followed her grandfather out the door. Lorelai collapsed to her side exhausted.

"Mommy…" Lorelai cried softly. Emily maneuvered herself so that she was sitting where Lorelai's head was leaning and brought her daughter's head to her lap. Emily ran her fingers through Lorelai's hair.

"I'm here Lady bug."

"It hurts Mommy."

"I know my darling, I know. But it's not going to hurt forever. You're stronger than anyone else I have ever met and I am so proud of you Lorelai. You're so much stronger than I could ever be."

"I don't feel very strong Mom."

"Despite how you feel, you are Lorelai. You are." Lorelai fell asleep on her side, her head on her mother's lap.

"I asked, well more told Rory I didn't think she should be here during her Mother's treatments. I don't want this to be the lasting memory of her Mother." Luke told Emily. Emily met his gaze and nodded. There was no end to end to his love for her girls and it was hard to miss that.

"Good call. Thank you so much for always having their best interest at heart." Emily said sincerely tears in her own eyes.

"It's second nature, if not first instinct." Luke replied nonchalantly.

After her nap Lorelai was strong enough to take a quick shower with Luke's assistance. She grinned when he handed her a familiar looking flannel that she long since forgotten. He had taken it from the Crap Shack that evening when he had come after her and realized that she had fled. For months he had slept with it on his pillow, long after her scent had faded. She took his shirt and hugged it as though she was being reunited with an old friend. She brought it up to her nose and breathe in his scent before putting it on.

"Thank you" she said gratefully planting a kiss on his cheek. As they emerged from the bathroom, Rory and Richard were unloading the food out of the bags. Luke had sent them to the Dragonfly to pick up food from Sookie for dinner. Healthy and edible. Emily had just finished changing Lorelai's sheets.

"Mom, you didn't have to do that." Lorelai said as Luke helped her up on the bed. The mood around was somber as they all took in the days events and they all knew that the worst was still to come. Emily and Richard bid them goodnight early that evening with Rory in tow. Each and everyone of them were exhausted and spent, needing a little down time. Lorelai, though she loved having them there was glad they were going home for some rest.

"Luke, take the day off tomorrow okay. Go see April. You haven't seen her in awhile. I don't want you to be so consumed in this that you don't have time to be with April."

"April is fine. I talk to her every day throughout the day. She understands. Once this week is over I was hoping to have her at the house to hang out with us if you're up for it."

"That would be nice. But I mean it Luke, you don't have to be here every minute of every day. I appreciate it but you shouldn't put your life on hold for me."

"I'm here, I'm staying. Let it go. There's no where else I would rather be."

The treatments took it's toll on Lorelai, despite her determination to not let them see how badly she was feeling, they saw right through her. The glow in her skin was replaced by paleness and the glint in her eyes was now hidden by tired, exhausted eyes. If she wasn't throwing up, she was sleeping. Luke, Emily and Richard took turns spending time with each Gilmore Girl. Luke and Emily were Lorelai's primary care givers while Richard was solely in charge of keeping Rory company and entertained. For the rest of the week of Lorelai's treatments he and Rory ventured out to the movies and by the end of the week, they had seen every movie that was showing. They were all relieved when Dr. Reed was allowing Lorelai to be released after her first round of Chemotherapy. It was the only thing that perked up her mood. Being in the confined space in the hospital was starting to drive her insane.


	21. Chapter 21

It was decided that Lorelai be set up on the downstairs guestroom across from Luke

_**I felt bad that I had taken so long to update so I thought I'd give you guys a couple in one go. Mind you I sneakily did this whilst I was at work, drowning in my own boredom. Thank you all so much for your reviews. You totally jumpstarted my block. Lucy, thanks so much for sharing what you did. I hope it all works out for you. **_

Emily had set up Lorelai on the downstairs guestroom across from Luke, to save her from walking up and down the stairs, as well as giving her access to everything on the ground floor. That first night Lorelai was so pleased to be home that she immediately fell to sleep. Luke had stayed with her on the couch in her room.

Rory had brought down all of her Mother's things to the downstairs room making the room as homey as possible.

Luke had picked up Zeik from Sookie's early the next morning so that when Lorelai awoke she would have both her babies with her. During the Chemo Lorelai was too weak to hold Zeik, and they thought it would be best that Zeik didn't see his Mommy in the hospital during the treatments.

Lorelai awoke to find Rory on the couch where Luke had been all night. She knew that Rory was taking the morning shift. Lorelai felt strong enough to take a shower on her own, and with the bars in the shower and the intercom her parents had installed it was perfectly safe to take a shower on her own. She knew her limits, and they trusted her to ask when she needed the help. It was the little independence she needed, and they all knew that to hover over her would only make a precarious situation even more so. Lorelai opted for a long hot bath. Her wounds were finally well enough to be wet and she savored the moment.

When Luke found an empty bed upon his return with Zeik, he tried not to panic and smiled when he found her half asleep in the bath.

"Hey Beautiful. Looks like you and that Jacuzzi are now well acquainted." Lorelai smiled and opened her eyes to greet him.

"My baby!" she said excitedly seeing Zeik in his father's arms. Zeik overcome with his own excitement at seeing his mother began to squirm and giggle in Luke's arms. Luke bent over so that Lorelai could plant a kiss on Zeik's head.

"I'll just get out of the bath Baby and I'm going to give you the biggest hug in the world. Mommy has missed you so much my baby!"

"Wait for me, I'll set him down in his cot and I'll help you out." Lorelai nodded in compliance, to argue would be futile.

Luke placed Zeik in the cot set up in Lorelai's room. He placed a few toys in the cot to keep Zeik entertained as he went back to help Lorelai get up from the bath. Lorelai gave her hair a quick rinse as she waited for Luke to return. As she ran her fingers through her hair chunks of her locks remained in her hands. Lorelai gasped in despair. Just as Luke entered the bathroom she cried,

"Get out…"

Alarmed Luke rushed to her side and realized why. One of the things he loved about her was her long curly locks. He loved to twirl her hair in his fingers, run his fingers through her hair. Luke placed an arm around her and she fought him, squirming.

"Leave me alone…"

"Lorelai, it's okay. It'll grow back." Lorelai said nothing but sobbed. Luke gave her a few minutes before easing her up and out of the bath. He wrapped her robe around her and took the lock of hair firmly clamped in her grip.

"Baby it's okay." He said whispering in her ear as he kissed the top of her head, but his voice was lost in her grief. Luke's arms remained tightly around her, trying to break through to her barrier, pleading with her to feel his presence, to let him in, to not sink into the dark hole that seemed to call her name. She fell limp in his arms as she cried silently into his chest.

They stood there for what seemed like forever when Rory cleared her throat. She had missed the storm and thankfully only witnessed calm. She was holding Zeik in her arms who gurgled and said the words,

"Ma Ma" Till that moment Zeik had not yet uttered any words, and he had picked his moment to speak, and the words he spoke were perfect. Lorelai lifted her head from Luke's chest in surprise. Her face broke into a grin as she looked at her children and up at Luke who was smiling back at her.

"Baby what did you say?" she asked as she walked towards Rory and Zeik, her hair forgotten. Zeik waved his arms around and leaned over to try and reach his mother.

"Mama!" Lorelai scooped him out of Rory's arms and hugged him close to her.

"You're a clever boy. Mommy's clever boy." She gushed. Lorelai turned to Rory and placed a kiss on her cheek.

"Hey Sweets!"

"Hey Mom. Grandma said breakfast is almost ready. She asked if you want to come down to the Dining Room or would you like Stella to bring you breakfast in here.

"Dining Room. If you take Zeik for me, I'll get changed and be there shortly."

"Okay, we'll see you there. Take your time." Rory said taking her brother before leaving the room.

"Luke, can you help me?" she asked. Luke nodded not quite sure with what till she took out the scissors from the top drawer of the vanity.

"Lorelai… are you sure?" he asked. With tears in her eyes she nodded.

"I would rather have it all off in one go than watch it fall off in chunks. I don't want the kids to see that. I don't want to see that. So please, can you just?"

"Let me get my electric shaver from my room." He placed a hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze and looked right at her through the mirror.

"I'll be right back." Luke walked to his room with determined strives. He took a deep breath and psyched himself up to shaving Lorelai's hair off. When he returned he found her with her face in her hands.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yep. Go on!" Gently Luke gathered her hair in his hands and grabbed a hair tie from the vanity and tied it up in a pony tail. Once secured he took the scissors and looked at her through the mirror once more waiting her a go ahead. Lorelai merely nodded and patted his hand with hers. Luke took a deep breath and cut off her ponytail. Lorelai inwardly gasped. Luke put down the scissors and wrapped his arms around her shoulder.

"It'll grow back, you'll see." He said confidently. Lorelai nodded and gestured for him to resume what he was doing. He cut as close as he could to her scalp and he saw the patches of where her hair had already began to fall out. Once he was ready he took his electric shaver and gave her the closest shave the contraption allowed. When he was done he looked at her questioningly, she picked up a new razor and handed it to him.

"All off." Luke nodded unable to say a word. They went back to the bathroom as Luke lathered her head with shaving cream, and carefully he began to shave off the remains of her hair. When he had finished his last strip, she was completely bald. Still stunningly beautiful, but bald. Tears began to pour from her eyes. Luke spun her around to face him and cupped her face with both hands.

"You're the most beautiful woman in the world, and I am so lucky to have you." Lorealai nodded trying to hear the words he was saying, but it was his eyes that spoke what he meant.

"I have an idea." Luke said grabbing her hand. Confused Lorelai followed him out of the bathroom. She watched as he threw his hat off. Before her brain could kick in Luke had begun to give himself a number one haircut. Lorelai gasped as she watched him purse his lips in concentration. Once he was done he grinned at her.

"All for one and one for all." Lorelai laughed for the first time in what seemed like eternity to him, and for that alone, the haircut was worth it. Lorelai planted a kiss on his cheek and hugged him.

"Thank you Luke."

"It was nothing. Go get dressed and I'll clean this up." Lorelai nodded, grabbed her clothes and headed back to the bathroom. By the time she had come out, he had cleaned up and he was sitting on her bed holding something in his hand.

"This was my Mom's. When she started losing her hair, she made Dad shave off her hair too. This was her favourite hat. Well it's more like a turban/bandana. Mia had made it for her, it's actually made out of one of her favourite summer dresses as well as a few patches of mine and Liz's Onesies. She said that it was her lucky hat, that when she had it on she could barely feel the pain, and that the hat always made her feel better. I was thinking maybe, it would help you too." He said absently not looking at her but focusing on the material in his hand. Lorelai walked over to him and sat beside him on the bed.

"Luke, I would be honored to wear that. Are you sure?" she asked. Luke finally looked up at her. She saw the tears in his eyes and wiped them with her thumb as they fell on his cheeks.

"She would want you to have it." He replied in a barely audible voice. Lorelai wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly, for all the strength he was providing them, it was easy to forget how much he was hurting too.

"We better get to breakfast before we encounter the wrath of Emily turning up to a meal extremely late." Lorelai joked. Once upon a time that may have been true but these days, it couldn't be farther from the truth. Luke smiled and handed her the hat. Lorelai slid it easily on her extremely smooth head and paraded it proudly.

"How does it look?"

"Perfect." He answered taking her hand in his and bringing it to his lips before leading her to the Dining Room.

Rory gasped as she noticed her Mother's absent locks. Luke gave her hand a squeeze. Emily looked up from where she was feeding Zeik in her lap as Richard looked up from his paper. Emily's eyes filled with tears as she smiled bravely at her daughter. Richard got up from his chair and walked over to his daughter to plant a kiss on her forehead.

"You've never looked more beautiful Princess."

"Thank you Daddy."

"Nice head Luke" Richard teased good naturedly transferring the attention away from Lorelai.

"Yeah well… Richard if you'd like I'm more than happy to do the same for you." Luke threw back,

"Richard Gilmore, the man is not daring you so do not even think about it." Emily said sternly with a glint in her eye that no one could miss so they knew that she was kidding.

"Try and eat something Lorelai, then you can have the most handsome boy back in your arms."

"Ouch!" Richard and Luke said in unison knowing they didn't quite make the cut.

"I like your hat Mom" Rory said finally composing herself enough to speak. It was faded white with flowers all over it, and here and there were patches of different patterns.

"It's pretty hey. It was Luke's Mom." She answered placing her hand over his on the table and giving it a squeeze.

"Guess which one is his onesie?" she said pointing to hat

"Aww Jeez!" he said embarrassed.

That afternoon after Lorelai had put Zeik down for her nap, she and Rory lay on her bed watching DVD's.

"Sorry if I scared you with the new do this morning Sweets."

"That's okay. I wasn't really scared, more shocked. Are you okay?"

"I miss my hair, but it's not like I didn't know it wasn't going to happen. I had hoped, but hey. It started coming out in chunks this morning and the last thing I wanted was for you guys to see is me all patchy. Besides, this way it's much cooler."

"Totally. I think it's awesome that Luke cut off all his hair too."

"That was super sweet. I think he did if for his Mom too."

"Awwww."

"Speaking of which he's going to bring April tonight for Dinner. They're going to do their Father Daughter thing, and then heading back here this evening for dinner and movie night with us. Anna is actually letting her sleepover this weekend. I suggested a pull out bed in your room, I'd offer my old room but I'd hate for her to be in this big house in her own room. It might be too much."

"Cool with me. I haven't really spent much time with her and I really want to. She's a pretty cool kid."

"That's because you're the coolest kid I know."

"Takes one to know one." Rory replied.

"And here ladies and gentleman, our very own mutual admiration society."

"Huzzah!" Rory said throwing her fist up in the air.

"Huzzah!" Lorelai declared joining in.

Later that afternoon Emily had returned from her errand, she knocked on the door as both Rory and Lorelai looked up.

"Come on in Mom, you're just in time for Greased Lightning." Lorelai said motioning the moves. Rory laughed as Emily looked horrified.

"I'm kidding. Come on in Mom." Lorelai hit pause on the DVD and watched as Emily brought in a rather large box with her.

"Oooh presents!" Lorelai squealed with excitement. Emily but her lip uncertainly, unsure as how Lorelai was going to react to her gift.

"I thought you might want this, for when you're going out, or just whenever. Now if you don't want it, you don't have to have it. I just want you to have the option." Curiously Lorelai opened the lid of the box,

"Oh Mom. It's perfect." She said lifting the wig from the box. It was almost a replica of her old hair. Same colour, same waves, a little shorter but it was beautiful.

"Luke let me borrow the ponytail he cut from you today and I used it as a guideline."

"Thank you Mom." Lorelai said pulling her mother into an embrace.


	22. Chapter 22

Luke had prepared April for the drastic change in Lorelai's appearance so that she would not be shocked when she saw her nor be frightened. Luke was glad that April was staying the weekend for more than the obvious reasons. Seeing her again, giving her the opportunity to get to know the people who meant the world to him, to make up for the time he had denied them all. More than that he knew that Rory could use another person by her side, though Richard was doing a fantastic job with her, he wanted her to have someone closer to her age who wasn't so involved. To give her a different perspective and outlook, if or when she needed it. When they arrived Rory had opened the door to greet them.

"Does your grandmother know that you are depriving Stella of her duties?" Luke teased. Rory chuckled sheepishly.

"Hey April, it's so good to see you again. Come on in, don't let the size scare you." Rory said ushering them in trying to put April at ease.

"Wow, this place is huge!" April exclaimed.

"It's not huge unless there are gargoyle statues on the roof." Lorelai joked as she emerged from her room hearing their entry.

"Hey Kid." Lorelai said affectionately greeting April. Surprising them all April ran over to her and flung her arms around her waist. Lorelai quickly wrapped her arms around the young girl and returned her hug.

"Hey Lorelai, it's so good to see you. It sounds weird and crazy seeing our limited time together, but I've really missed you."

"Aww, thanks April. I've missed you too. Tell me, what's new with you. Last I heard you are now short of tonsils am I correct?" Lorelai chatted animatedly leading April to the Den. Luke and Rory exchanged a smile before following close behind. April talked non stop and fast, if people didn't know any better, she could have very easily been passed off as a Gilmore Girl.

Emily and Richard enjoyed meeting April. She was very much like Rory. Smart, funny, gawky almost. They could see how their similarities have quickened and fast tracked their ability to bond and be comfortable with each other.

With the addition of April, the game of Cranium took a whole new turn. It was Glimore's against, Luke and Lorelai, and the Kids who quickly adapted the nickname 'Sisters', to which they all had to smile. Needless to say having two braniac's in one team meant the others didn't stand a chance.

"That's it, next time I want April." Lorelai declared after losing.

"Thanks Mother Dearest." Rory in mock hurt.

"As if your loyalties aren't permanently cemented to Luke." Lorelai retorted good naturedly. Luke only chuckled and gave April a quick wink. Glad that she was enjoying herself. April loved spending time with the Gilmore's. She couldn't help but wish she had been able to do so right from the start, but in some weird way, she understood her father's hesitation, and she saw the regret he bore as a result.

"I'm sorry you guys, I'm going to have to call it a night. I'm pooped." Lorelai declared with a yawn.

"It's getting late, we should all go to bed." Emily agreed.

"You're right. It's been a big day." Luke said standing to his feet.

"Aww, I didn't mean to kill the party."

"Don't be silly it's not a problem. What do you say April, shall we take our Slumber Party elsewhere?" Rory suggested.

"Lead the way!" April jumped to her feet beside Rory. They bid everyone a quick goodnight before running up the stairs.

"I'm glad April's here. It's good for Rory, and I love having her around. Thank you for bringing her." Lorelai said as she got ready for bed and he prepared to get situated on her couch.

"I'm glad she's here too. She looks like she's having a blast and she's great for Rory."

"Luke, you know you don't have to sleep in here right? You're only across the hall. I can yell if I need you."

"Do you not want me here?" he asked with a frown.

"Oh no, it's not that. I just don't want you to be uncomfortable, there's a perfectly good bed across the hall and you're sleeping on the couch." Luke shrugged.

"I'd rather be here."

"Well I appreciate it." She said sincerely. Luke merely grumbled in response. Lorelai smiled. Same old Luke. While Luke was in the bathroom April knocked on her door.

"Hey Kiddo, what's up? Did you get lost in all the turns?" Lorelai asked with a smile. Apprehensively April shook her head. She had something on her mind and Lorelai knew it.

"Come here Kiddo." She said patting the empty space beside her on the bed. April climbed up the bed and sat beside Lorelai. Lorelai draped an arm around her shoulder and gave her a slight squeeze. Lorelai planted a kiss on the side of April's head before resting her forehead to the side of April's head.

"What's on your mind hon?" Luke who was about to re-enter the room stopped by the door as he watched the exchange between two out of the five women that meant the world to him.

"I don't want you to die."

"We have something in common there Kid." Lorelai replied.

"I'm serious." April said finally looking up to meet Lorelai's gaze.

"I haven't had the chance to know you know you and I want that so badly. My father loves you so much. I've seen him when he's with you, when he's without you and I can't describe it, it's like he walks around like there's a vital part of himself that's missing. Even when things weren't alright but you were still together was better than what it was when you're gone. I want to know you not because of how much my father loves you, but because I like you. It's crazy but in a lot of ways I already love you. So you can't die okay. You gotta give me a chance to get to know you. To hang out with you, spend time with you, and with Rory. You still owe me a viewing of Sixteen Candles and the Breakfast Club, you promised! Promise you won't die. You haven't had a chance to love me. Know me. Promise you won't die. " April begged with tears in her eyes. Luke's heart broke into a million pieces and all he wanted to do was gather them both in his arms, but he couldn't. As tears began to fill her own eyes Lorelai took April's face and cupped them in her hands.

"I don't need any more time to you love you April. I already do. For who you're a part of and who you are. I don't need to spend numerous hours with you to know what an amazing kid you are. You shine in such a way that no one can deny what kind of a beautiful person you are inside and out. You're open, you're honest and you take the most important risks. You're not afraid to love, and I so admire you for that. We will have time to do those things we have yet to do, starting tomorrow we're having a Molly Ringwald Marathon. As for the promise you want me to make, I can't do it my sweetheart. I can't promise you that, because I can't. What I will promise you is this, I promise to fight with everything I have so that we can have many more years ahead of us. When I'm fighting I want you to know, that you are one of the things I am fighting for. You make me want to live. When I look towards the future, I look forward to not only Rory and Zeik getting married and fulfilling their destinies, but yours too. You're a part of that dream, and don't you ever doubt that. You got me?" April nodded, throwing her arms around Lorelai and sobbed. Lorelai ran her hands through April's her in attempts to soothe her, and within minutes tears had subsided.

"Thank you Lorelai." April said with such gratitude that it melted her heart. Lorelai gave her another hug before she released her. As April jumped off the bed Luke emerged from the bathroom.

"Night Dad. Love you!" Luke took his daughter in his arms and hugged her tightly. Lorelai knew that he had heard some if not all of what had transpired between her and April.

"Love you too Kid."

Luke walked April back to Rory's room and when he returned Lorelai had buried herself deep in her covers. He could tell that she wasn't asleep but wasn't in the mood to talk. He walked over to her and placed his lips on her head.

"I'm so sorry." The emotions were raw as his voice cracked. Lorelai opened her eyes and caressed his cheek.

"It's okay Luke. It's in the past."

"I robbed you, I robbed her, I robbed all of us time."

"Luke, what happened, was meant to happen. Yesterday doesn't matter, what we do today is what's important. Are you going to step forward with me?"

"Yes…"

"Then that's all that matters. Come here." She said patting the space beside her. Luke climbed into her bed as she shuffled to make room for him. She turned away from him as he gathered her in his arms spooning her.

"I love you." He murmured in her ear just as she fell asleep.


	23. Chapter 23

"Hey Mom you up for a little shopping

"Hey Mom you up for a little shopping?" Rory asked as she jumped on the bed beside her Mother. Lorelai who had just finished her shower was moisturizing grinned at the thought of shopping

"Sounds great Sweets, you ready to go now?"

"Yeah, Luke and April have gone to the diner for a couple of hours so I thought it'd be great to hang at the mall for awhile. Then I thought Luke can drop April off to join us on our shopping extravaganza. Grandpa said he'll hang with Zeik so Grandma can go too."

"That sounds great. You did warn Emily that we're going to a mall and that we're more than likely going to eat in the food court." Rory laughed and nodded.

"I say she's up for the challenge. You will have a better luck getting her to dine at a food court than you would Luke."

"True that. True true true that."

Emily watched as Lorelai and Rory roamed through store after store trying on outfits. She enjoyed watching them fool around trying on the wildest clothes. It got a whole lot rowdier when April joined them. Luke graciously bowed out to join Richard to do some manly bonding. After awhile Lorelai joined Emily on the sitting down while the girls tried on outfits.

"You okay?" Emily asked discreetly as the girls headed back to the fitting rooms to get changed.

"A little tired, but I don't want to spoil their fun. They're having a good time. I'm happy to sit here and watch if you are. When they're exhausted we can grab lunch, and Mom for being such a great sport, we can have lunch at an establishment that does not serve our lunch on plastic plates."

"Bless you! You are my favourite child." Lorelai grinned and shook her head. If she were honest her stomach couldn't process what the Food Court had to offer. Luke would be so happy. She thought chuckling to herself.

"April honey, that outfit looks awesome on you." Lorelai complimented as April stepped out of the dressing room shyly, still getting used to the Gilmore Shopping Extravaganza. She was wearing a chocolate brown suede skirt that came down to the middle of her calf. She had on a white tailored French long sleeve shirt with a matching suede fitted jacket.

"Oooh oooh, I saw the perfect boots for that outfit." Lorelai said launching herself off the couch she sat on with Emily and grabbed the boots she saw on the display shelf.

"How do you know my size?" April asked looking confused as Lorelai handed her the boots in her size.

"It's a gift." She answered nonchalantly.

As April stood up after zipping up the leather boots that came just above her calves, the Gilmore women admired her approvingly.

"We're so getting you that outfit." Lorelai exclaimed.

"Oh no, you don't have to." April protested.

"Lorelai Gilmore shopping rule, if Lorelai wants to buy outfit, said person wearing said outfit does not have any say." Lorelai recited. Rory grinned.

"You're not going to win with her, you would have a better chance if Grandma wasn't here but both of them together, not a chance." Emily and Lorelai nodded in agreement.

"Hon, if it makes you feel uncomfortable I can charge it to your Dad's card, which funnily enough I still have in my purse. Hmmm… Anyhow… but I would really love to get you this outfit. I think you'd have a lot of fun using it as your basic pieces, you can wear the jacket with pants and jeans, the skirt with different tops, and the shoes are great for dresses too."

"Are you sure?" April asked again.

"Yeah hon, I really want to do this for you."

"Okay then." April agreed with a grin.

"Thank you." Lorelai said genuinely giving April a brief squeeze.

"How about you Offspring? Anything tickle your fancy?"

Rory shook her head.

"Not really. I mean I like things but nothing's grabbed me yet. I'll keep my eyes open though. Can we eat? I'm starved!"

"Sure, let me pay for this first and then we can go. I promised your grandmother we'd eat at a respectable establishment."

"What plastic plates instead of paper?" Rory asked teasingly.

"More and more like your Mother every day." Emily retorted, to which they all had to laugh.

April enjoyed lunch with the Gilmore women immensely and immediately felt at home with them. She looked over at Rory with such awe and wonder. It felt like they had been sisters at birth in such a short span of time for that she was grateful. Lorelai couldn't help but notice how quickly April had began to look up at Rory as an older sister and it warmed her heart to see how far they had all come in so little time.

Just as they had sat down to lunch her phone began to ring. She excused herself and smiled as she saw who it was on the other line.

"Hey you,"

"Don't hey me. What's the deal? You were supposed to keep me posted. Now I find out you've had surgery and doing chemo. When were you going to tell me? If I didn't check in with Luke I wouldn't know." He said in a hurt tone.

"Aww, I'm sorry hon. I didn't want to worry you. I know you're in the middle of the book thingy. It's been a crazy couple of weeks too. I am so sorry. I didn't mean to…." Rory gasped as she realized who Lorelai was talking to.

"Yeah tell Rory I heard her epiphany all the way from here." April looked confused as Emily eventually figured it out and felt bad herself that she didn't call him.

"Are you okay?" he asked letting out a huge breath releasing his frustration.

"Yeah I am. Thank you. I am so sorry."

"I would have stayed if you asked me to you know."

"I know that but you had your book tour. You've already postponed it so many times because of me. Did you fill Luke in?"

"Yes and No, you'll probably have to elaborate for him later."

"I'm sorry Jess. I really am. I didn't mean to keep you out of the loop. Things just got crazy in such a period of time. I just wanted this week to be over so badly."

Truth be told, Jess had played a huge part in their lives in the last year. He had run into Lorelai that night at the hospital, that night Lorelai walked away from Luke. He had been the one who called Rory, the one who held her hand as they waited for Rory to come. He was there when she cried out for Luke but begged him not to call him. He was there for the days that followed. Typical Danes man saw to it that she and Rory were well taken care, though he was a Mariano, he had the Danes men heart of compassion. Especially when it came to a Gilmore Girl. A part of him felt that he owed it to his uncle to take care of them, when he couldn't. Jess was there through the pregnancy and on more than one occasion the errand boy to her cravings. He along held Rory's hands in anticipation whilst Emily was in the delivery room with Lorelai. He let Rory squeeze his hands so hard from worry that it turned white. He was there for them in those first couple of months with Zeik, taking turns being up with him, baby sitting him to give them alone time. He drove her to her first Doctor's appointment because he knew that she didn't want to worry Rory until she had to, especially since she had her finals. He became the man Luke always saw he him to be. The man he could be. Lorelai began to see that man in him and was incredibly grateful for him. Proud to see what he has become. Lorelai got up from her chair and walked over to the reception area of the restaurant for a quieter spot.

"I promise I was going to call you once I survived this week. I just didn't want to worry you. I don't want you to think it was because you weren't important enough. You are! Jess I wouldn't have survived this last year without you as my partner. You have given up so many opportunities this past year taking care of me, of us. I just wanted you to do this for you. It was important to me that you go on this book tour, even if it meant not having my biggest ally there. Please believe that." Jess knew he couldn't stay mad at her, but he sure as heck was going to try.

"Come on J, give a girl a break. She's starving here while begging you for forgiveness." Jess broke into a grin.

"Serves you right!"

"Devil's spawn!" she threw back at him.

"The one and only."

"So we cool?"

"What are the chances you'd let me live my life in peace if I say no?"

"Less than slim to none." She answered confidently.

"Figured as much."

"So??"

"So take your annoying self back to the table and eat. God forbid you faint from hunger."

"No really Jess,"

"We cool." He replied softly. Lorelai sighed with relief as her face broke into a grin.

"So when are you coming home. We all miss you. Especially Zeike."

"Just tying up lose ends. Will let you know."

"Yay! Let me know when okay? We're all living it up at the Gilmore's and there's a spare room calling your name."

"Can't wait. Later Auntie Lorelai."

"Later Brat!"


	24. Chapter 24

Home Loan Servicing - C833 Templates

Lorelai was exhausted by the time they arrived back at the Gilmore Manor. She excused herself and went straight to her when they arrived to freshen up while Rory and April ran up the stairs to check out their purchases. Lorelai had demanded a fashion show in her room later on that afternoon. Lorelai changed into her sweats and literally dragged herself on to her bed and collapsed in it. She knew that the medication was wearing out as the pain had begun to plague her every move. Emily who had noticed Lorelai's sudden quietness deduced that she was in pain and was walking into Lorelai's room water and pills on hand.

"Lorelai, take these." She said placing the pills in Lorelai's hand. Groaning Lorelai barely moved and skilfully swallowed the pill and drink the bottle of water Emily had handed her without so much as lifting her head from the pillow. Emily sat down on her bed, and Lorelai crawled to where Emily was and placed her head on her mother's lap. Emily's hands caressed Lorelai's head attempting to soothe her pain. Curled up in a foetal position Lorelai brought her knees up to her chest and hugged them tightly. Luke who was asleep in the other room with Zeik did not realise they were home till he heard the girls walk past his room to get to the kitchen. Taking the sleeping baby with him he went to check on Lorelai who had uncharacteristically not poked her head in to see her son. He found her curled up against Emily with her eyes squeezed tightly shut. He gently placed Zeik in his cot in Lorelai's room and before rushing over to her by the bed.

"Hey have you taken something?" he asked. Emily nodded.

"Yeah I gave her something a few minutes ago, it should kick in shortly." Luke ran his gently placed his hand on her cheek attempting to offer her some comfort. Lorelai opened her eyes briefly only to shut them again. Emily's eyes met Luke's and she gestured for him to take her place. Gently she moved so Luke can slip into her where she sat. Luke shuffled so that he could take her fully in his arms. Lorelai moved closer to him and snuggled as close as she physically could as he held tightly and protectively. Luke brought his lips to her head and kept them there whispering words of comfort and love. The painkillers began to work their magic shortly after and he felt her unclench.

"I heard you talked to Jess today." She murmured.

"I sure did. I bet you got an earful." He teased. Lorelai chuckled.

"Did I ever? I'm sorry I never told you. I don't even know why I hadn't mentioned it till now." She babbled but Luke stopped her.

"It's okay. I'm glad he was there, especially when I wasn't."

"You were right Luke, he was going to turn out all right. In the end, he ended up being more than alright. He proved to be the very best man he can be, and that's because of you, because he learned that from you. His new book is amazing, you're going to love it." She said proudly.

"I hear his finishing up his book tour and heading back."

"Yep, I told him to join the party at the Gilmore's."

"I'm sure he'd love that."

"Funny enough, because he was around so much he and Emily have gotten to be quite good friends. And Dad, well you know him, any male company is good enough for him. He and Jess bonded over books, and tell you what you never ever want to walk into a room when they're discussing Faulkner." Luke laughed.

"I'll be sure to keep that in mind. Thank you for the warning. How was the shopping? I heard two very excited and very happy girls run up the stairs and from the sounds they were making they were carrying a whole lot of bags. Did you go crazy on April?"

"Well…" she tried guiltily to find the words, but couldn't quite come up with the goods.

"I just wanted to spoil her. We were having so much fun trying on clothes and well…and don't lecture her. I practically had to beg her to let me buy her clothes. I even offered to use your credit card, which by the way I still have. Weird, just goes to show how much time I put into cleaning my wallet. You can have that back if you'd like."

"Keep it." He replied.

"I hope Anna won't be mad."

"We'll let her decide. Maybe she can take half the loot you got her and the other half she can leave with us." He answered knowing Anna could take it completely the wrong way, as though they were trying to buy April's love.

"How is that going by the way, the whole joint custody thing."

"Much better, and it would not haven bee possible if it wasn't for yours, Rory and Jess' character reference. I guess I now know how you knew I needed character references."

"Yeah well, that boy has your back. What can I say?" Luke pondered for a moment.

"I made him promise not to tell you, and he figured if I wasn't going to let you take care of me, he would. And you would be so proud about the whole coffee nazi thing he had going the whole time I was pregnant till I stopped breastfeeding Zeik." Luke smirked. His pride in Jess ballooned a thousand times over.

"So now that they're back from New Mexico how does that custody thing work?"

"One week with me, and one week with her. We're both reasonably located from her school so it's not like one is harder to get to from the other. Aside from where she sleeps, it doesn't disrupt her school life or social life. Anna and I made sure of that. I've closed in that room Jess used to have so it's a proper room for her to give her privacy and stuff. She got to paint, decorate and furnish her room to her liking so that it's her personal space and adjustment has been going quite smoothly. Anna and I are never going to be the best of friends, but we are making more of an effort for April's sake. We talk and do the parent thing, obsess over our child, the usual. I think she's finally accepted the fact that I'm not going to drop April on her head or anything like that."

"That's good. How is she with you being here all the time? I don't want to make this harder on you, especially if things are going good."

"We're done with that Lorelai. You will never take a back seat to this situation ever again, and I am sorry that you ever had to. I've talked to Anna about us, about what I want for us, and how I want April to be a part of that. To get to know the woman I love most in the world, the woman I will marry." Lorelai looked up at him.

"Don't look so shocked. You know all I'm waiting for is for you to let me ask the question."

"I know." Lorelai swallowed.

"Well I intend on holding you to that so don't even think about not delivering your end of the bargain."

After a little while Lorelai had felt much better, she had taken a short nap and joined the others for dinner that evening. They had decided to move movie night to her room so that she was going to be comfortable. The girls had both dragged their sleeping bags downstairs to her interim bedroom in their pyjamas. Luke smiled at the sight of the three of them in the King Size bed on their stomachs watching the The Breakfast Club all the while alternating between doing a running commentary to shoving junk in their faces.

"Oh my gosh how have I never seen these movies before?" April exclaimed in disgust as they happily sat through 16 Candles.

"I mean, so many life lessons in one movie." She continued. Lorelai gave Rory a quick shove on her left.

"With that rant, there's no doubt who's daughter she is."

"Hey, I heard that." April protested who gave her a playful shove from her right. Within moments a rowdy pillow fight had erupted. Pillows and flying in all directions. Luke who was about to grab Zeke's blanket walked in at an inopportune time and received a pillow in the face just as it sailed passed Rory who ducked.

"What the heck…" April who threw the pillow gasped.

"Sorry Dad." Rory smiled sheepishly as Lorelai broke out into hysterical laughter quickly joined by Rory and April. Luke shook his head.

"Room full of crazies!!" he muttered

When Luke checked on them after Zeik's last feeding they were all passed out on Lorelai's bed. They were a sea of arms and legs on top of one another, with Lorelai right in the middle. April's head was resting on Lorelai's shoulder, while Rory's head was resting on her arms. Luke stood there for a long time, taking a picture of with his heart.

He woke the young girls up early the next morning and sent them up to Rory's room for a few more hours of sleep. He cleaned up the room before getting Lorelai's medication ready. Though her Chemo was finished, there was the necessary follow up medication. He came in with a tray with toast, juice and tea. Reluctantly he woke her, knowing that she'd be irritated and that she needed the sleep, but he had to.

"Hey Sleeping Beauty, take your meds. You can sleep right after." He said softly coaxing her out of her sleep. Lorelai rubbed her eyes groggily and took the cups he offered and downed them. After she was done she leaned over and kissed his cheek before collapsing back into her covers and was asleep instantaneously.

Lorelai slept most of the morning and was too weak to get out of bed to have lunch with the others. She took a long bath and by the time she finished, Luke and April were ready to go so that Luke could drop her home. April stood by the door and watched Lorelai as she moisturised in her robe, fascinated by the gracefulness she had,

"Hey hon. You guys ready to go?" Lorelai asked noticing her by the door. April nodded as she hovered by the door. Lorelai sensed her hesitation and patted the space beside her on the bed. April walked over and sat beside her,

"What's wrong honey?" Lorelai asked running her hands through April's hair.

"This is going to sound silly. But it feels like when I leave you, if I leave you that I will never see you again."

"Oh hon…" Lorelai said pulling April into a hug. April always acted older and more mature than someone at her age, that it was almost easy to forget that she was so young. That the situation she had been in and was in is a lot harder than someone so young should ever have to deal with.

"How about I call you every night to check in like your dad does. Would that make you feel better?"

"Yes."

"Well alright then, that's what we'll do. April, honey. I know this is a really scary circumstance we're in, and you don't quite know how to take it all in, I mean I don't know and I'm supposed to be the adult, but I want you to know that you don't have to worry about me. I promise to be completely honest with you about this every step of the way, so you know what's going on okay. You're a part of this family and you will know what we know okay?" Lorelai could have almost sworn that April sighed with relief. April gave her another hug before Luke came in to tell them they were going.


	25. Chapter 25

After much convincing from all the adults in the Gilmore Household Rory took the job at Hartford Daily,

After much convincing from all the adults in the Gilmore Household Rory took the job at Hartford Daily,

"But Mom,"

"No Rory, you have put your life on hold for far too long already. Your office is like ten minutes away from the Grandparents. If something happens, you'll just be down the road. Please honey. This has been your dream, to work at a well established Newspaper. It's may not be the New York Times, but it certainly is a stepping stone towards that dream."

"But…"

"But what Rory, do you think I'm going to die?" Lorelai asked the obvious, knowing the root of her daughter's hesitation.

"No! I just…"

"I get it sweets, I really do. But I would rather have you out there living out your life, taking on challenging assignments than be here. Not that I haven't loved having you here every day, you know I do. I just think it's time kiddo." Lorelai paused before adding the final nail,

"Please, do it for me. We've dreamed about this moment for so long. For me, for us! Please!" Tearfully Rory nodded. Lorelai pulled Rory into a hug and held her tightly and for a long time. Rory lay beside her mother as Lorelai snuggled close to her daughter and held her close whispering words of encouragement and love in her ear. Rory remained in her mother's arms long after Lorelai had fallen asleep. These days Lorelai was constantly tired and lacking of energy. More often than not she was in bed, or on the couch in the den, or in Richard's study. Her waking hours were spent with Rory, Zeik, Luke and her parents. As promised she checked in with April daily. When Lorelai had reached her deep sleep Rory carefully untangled herself from her grasp. On her way up to her room she bumped into Luke who was back from the Diner. Lorelai had insisted he go in the mornings to help out Caesar knowing as much as he trusted Lane and Caesar he wanted to check on them regularly.

"Hey you, I take it by your face she won." He stated.

"Was there any doubt?" Rory replied dryly. Luke placed his hands on her shoulders.

"You know she's only doing it because she doesn't want you to miss opportunities just because she's sick." Rory nodded tearfully.

"I know, I just, I don't, you know, want to regret, what if?" she muttered somewhat incoherently. Luke pulled her into his arms. Rory wrapped her arms around his waist as his chin rested easily on top of her head.

"Kiddo, we can't live on could be's. We need to go by right now's. Right now, this is what she wants and it would mean the world to her knowing you're living out your dreams. You need to do this for both of you. You have both worked so hard for this moment. She would rather have you out there living your dreams for the both of you than have you cooped up in this house enduring purgatory. She would love nothing better than to hold you in her arms for all eternity, but you're not a child anymore Rory. You and Lorelai, the bond you have is indescribable, admirable, but your days of sharing the one dream is over. She wants you to have your own dreams and reach out for them. Her greatest dream was to give you the world, and in her own Lorelai Gilmore way, she has. Now it's your turn to show her what you can do with it."

"You'll call?" she asked hesitantly.

"Of course. Rory we're not throwing you out of the family, you'll still be living here, you'll still be part of the decisions big and small. We just want you to stick that toe out in the water and see how you like it."

"Okay then." She relented not letting go of her firm grasp around his waist.

"Good. All that aside, you must be excited?" Rory smiled up at him and nodded.

"So you should be. We're all very proud of you. Anna mentioned that April talks about nothing else but you and how smart and cool you are. She and Zeik are extremely proud of their big sister. Just as your Mom and I are along with your grandparents. We want you to take this opportunity and run with it. We'll be right here for you. I can hardly believe how you've grown. It feels like yesterday we buried Norman." Rory giggled at the fact that Luke remembered her Caterpillar's name. But then again that's what made Luke Danes more a father to her than her own father.

"Norman, I miss that guy!" Luke chuckled and ruffled her hair. He gave her one last kiss on the forehead before releasing her to make her acceptance call to Hartford Daily.

Luke went to quickly check on Lorelai and saw that she was still fast asleep. He climbed on the bed beside her, as though feeling his presence Lorelai unconsciously moved towards him. Luke enveloped her in his arms and held on to her tightly. She had begun to lose so much weight, unable to keep anything down the last couple of weeks due to her medication. Despite the fact that the poison was no longer penetrating through her veins, she was still throwing up. She had given him a fright only a few days ago when she threw up blood. She had calmly called out to him from the bathroom careful not to worry the others. He remembered the look of panic in her face when she showed him the toilet bowl from where was just sick. Trying not to show that he was reaching his full panic mode he gathered her in arms and reassured her that there had to be a logical reason. He carried her frail frame out of the bathroom and sat her on the bed handing her a sweat shirt hoody to pull over her T-Shirt and sweat pants as he went to tell Emily that he was going to take Lorelai to the hospital to get checked out. He tried to downplay the situation but she had learned how to read him well the last few weeks and recognized the panic in his eyes. He asked her to let the others know without worrying them. Emily nodded. Being Lorelai's primary carer, only they knew how much agony she was in because they were the only two she showed the torture in which she felt, and the two of them had taken it upon themselves to protect the rest of their family and shield them from the turmoil, as they knew Lorelai would want them to do. Everyone was worried enough and she hated that she was putting them through all this. Luke had called the Doctor on the way to the hospital while Lorelai weakly slouched over leaning against the door Emily and Richard's car. Luke regularly placed his hand over hers and gave them a squeeze. She would look up and smile at him before closing her eyes again. The doctor had given her check up and advised because there was nothing to throw up, her throat was just raw, that it was a part of the many side effects. He prescribed a couple of new drugs for Lorelai to ease her pain and asked Luke to keep a close eye on her to see what side effects may plague her with the new drugs. So far the drugs have helped ease her pain, and the bleeding had subsided and side effect that plagued Lorelai was exhaustion. Most of the time she spent all of her energy when the kids were around, catching up with them, playing with them, but the moment they leave the room it would literally be moments and she would be asleep.


	26. Chapter 26

With two weeks to go, and Rory starting her new job the whole household was torn from being excited for Rory and anxious for the results that were going to determine the rest of their lives

With two weeks to go, and Rory starting her new job the whole household was torn from being excited for Rory and anxious for the results that were going to determine the rest of their lives. It Was hard to believe that she had only been home a week. It seemed so much longer than that. On the morning of Rory's first day they had all woken up early to have a family breakfast together which Luke had whipped up. Everyone was in good spirits giving Rory tips and presenting her with gifts for her first day. Lorelai and Luke had given her a new leather book bag, her grandparents had given her a new bracelet and in joint collaboration Luke had handed Rory a gift from both Zeik and April. They all laughed as she pulled out a handmade plaster with Zeik's hand prints, all over it painted in different colours, but the photo in the middle was what she loved the most. It was a photo of their whole family in the middle of the chaos. Sookie had taken it when they were all over insisting that they needed a family picture together. In the midst of getting ready, Sookie managed to take the perfect shot. Rory and April sat with Zeik in between looking to each other laughing as Zeik giggled. Luke and Lorelai were in the background on the couch with Richard and Emily. Lorelai and Emily were laughing animatedly about something while Richard and Luke had their arms draped around the shoulders of their significant others looking at each other knowingly. It captured such a great moment.

"Awww, I want a copy of that too." Lorelai exclaimed.

"April thought as much and made you and Emily the same frame with the same picture."

"Awww, I love that girl."

"Yeah, I wish she could have been here for my first day too." Rory said genuinely missing April's presence.

"Hand me the phone Hon?" Lorelai said to Luke with a nudge. Luke complied guessing what she was about to do.

"Hello" April said breathlessly as she dove for the phone in the kitchen.

"We miss you!" Lorelai complained with a pout. April laughed.

"I miss you guys too. Did you guys like the frames?"

"We love it. Thank you honey! Hang on, here's Rory she wants to talk to you. I'll call you later kiddo. Oh and the rest of the clan send their love. See you this weekend." Lorelai handed Rory the phone who grinned and took the call in the other room. Lorelai planted a kiss on Luke's head before picking up Zeik from his arms. Zeik giggled as she tickled his tummy and holding him close to her. They heard the door bell ring and assumed it was the mail and thought nothing of it. When Stella came in and advised that a package had arrived for her at the foyer Lorelai handed Zeik back to Luke and curiously made her way to the foyer. Within moments they heard her scream and they all scrambled to their feet in worry. They found Lorelai in the foyer with her arms tightly around Jess jumping up and down with the little energy she had to spare. They all sighed with relief and smiled as they saw Jess back from his book tour. Rory who had heard her Mother scream ran to the foyer April still on the phone.

"Oh my God!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah, sorry April. Everything's fine. Jess is here. Listen, I'll call you tonight okay. Have a great day at school. Bye!"

"Bye Rory. Say hi to Jess for me."

"Will do!" Rory made her way to Jess who kept and arm around Lorelai as he pulled Rory into a hug.

"Hey you, first day huh! I believe you owe me dinner!"

"I believe you're the one who just got back from a book tour on his second book, you owe me dinner first."

"Alright kids. Corners." Lorelai sai amused.

"I'm glad you're back Kid. We've all missed you." Zeik squirmed in Luke's arms and reached out to Jess.

"Apparently my son is a big fan of yours." Luke observed amused as he handed Zeik Jess who giggled and drooled grabbing Jess' cheeks.

"Hey little man, you've grown." Jess said giving Zeik a hug hello. Luke gave him a brief squeeze before he went to greet Emily and Richard.

Jess sat with them to breakfast, but it wasn't long after he sat down that Rory had to go.

"We'll catch up later Jess. I want to hear all about the tour."

"I want to hear about your first day! Enjoy!" Rory dropped a kiss on each cheek before running out the door. Luke watched the interaction between Lorelai and Jess, they had fallen into such an easy friendship that it was hard to believe they were once arch enemies. Luke also noted how at home Jess was in the Gilmore home, opening and closing cupboards and fridge doors.

"Jess, Luke temporarily resided in your room, but it's free again. Stella has prepared it for you." Luke raised an eyebrow not realizing that Jess had his own room in the Gilmore home. How times have changed. Luke had been staying in Lorelai's room since she was released from the hospital. His presence brought her comfort and nothing felt safer than being in his arms.

"I'm off to the diner. I might bring Zeik with me to give you and Jess some time to catch up. Richard why don't you tell Emily what you have planned as a surprise for her today?" Luke prodded gently. Richard had wanted to do something special for Emily knowing that taking care of Lorelai was emotionally taking it's toll on her.

"You my lady and I are taking in a matinee in New York, followed by a little shopping and dinner at your favourite restaurant."

"That sounds great Dad. Nicely planned, you guys deserve some alone time together. You've been taking care of me too much lately." Emily placed a hand over Lorelai's and gave it a squeeze.

"There's nothing we'd rather do." Lorelai smiled and nodded.

"Will Rory be upset that we'll miss her first day news?" Emily asked. Richard shook his head.

"I've spoken to her already. It was her idea to go tonight. She said she'll fill us in at breakfast tomorrow." Reluctantly Emily agreed and was excited to spend the day in New York with Richard.

It wasn't long after that Richard, Emily, Luke and Zeik departed leaving Lorelai and Jess to their own accord. Luke had discreetly left instructions with Jess in case anything major happened in their absence. Richard had taken the Jag leaving the BMW for his use should they need it.

"So how was the book tour?" Lorelai asked excitedly. Jess grinned at her enthusiasm, his initial concern for her put aside,

"It was daunting at first. You never know who's going to show up, if anyone's going to show up, and then I just got used to it. Sometimes there were lots of people, and sometimes not so much. Which funnily enough I preferred because it gave me the opportunity to meet with who was there one on one and actually get to know them better and vise versa. I mean, I want them to know me more than what they just see on the page, you know."

"I'm so proud of you Kid." She said leaning against the headboard of her bed where they sat side by side throwing cards into an empty bowl.

"Thanks! You may not know this, but that means a lot coming from you."

"We certainly have come a long way haven't we?" she observed wisely. Jess smirked and gave her shoulder a nudge.

"Sap!"

"Yeah well."

"Did I tell you I finished my third book?"

"Uh no! With what time?"

"Well I wrote the core of it mostly when I was staying with you guys, and I got to finish it off while I was on the book tour. My agent really likes it, and she's sent it off to the Publishers to be picked up on the next quarter."

"Jess that's great, can I read it?" Lorelai asked excitedly. Jess merely nodded, got up from his seat and pulled out his manuscript from his bag and handed it to her. Eagerly Lorelai began to flick through the pages and stopped at the first page, the dedication.

"To Lorelai Gilmore, for being an inspiration, to me, to all." She read out loud. She looked up at Jess with tears in her eyes.

'Aww, this is for Rory right?" she asked. Jess laughed.

"No, it's you. You're such a dope!" he said amused.

"I would have put Senior but I figured you'd throw it back at me!" he added.

"Damn right I would have. Thanks Jess."

"Yeah well, you think Rory will be mad that I dedicated a book to you before she got to?" he asked with a smile.

"It may give her that kick in the rear to start writing." Lorelai threw back.

They spent the rest of the afternoon catching up on the last few weeks. Lorelai filled him in on all the Luke updates.

"So where does that leave you guys?" he asked.

"I told him that as long as I am uncertain about my future, I don't want to start anything with him. I love him but this is difficult enough without making it more complicated."

"You don't really think that would make it easier?" he asked.

"It is and it isn't. As selfish as it sounds, I am scared to get what I want if I am going to have to let go anyway." Jess raised his eyebrows.

"What if I don't get better Jess?" she asked fearfully admitting for the first time her greatest fear.

"We're all trying to be so positive for each other, and I'm fighting as hard as I can, but what if that isn't enough. I'm scared Jess. I'm scared my hard enough isn't going to be enough." Jess draped an arm around her shoulder and gave her a firm squeeze.

"What can I do?" he asked

"Be the one person I can be honest with about how I really feel. The one person I feel I don't have to be strong for. I know it's a lot to ask, but I need a partner and I can't ask Luke because I know what this is already doing to him, and my Mom she's trying so hard, and Rory, I can't do it to her Jess. You and I, we've always been straight forward, no nonsense. I need that right now."

"Hey," he said interrupting her blubbering and forced her to look at him before replying,

"You got one."

"Thanks Kid. I'm so glad you're back." Lorelai said genuinely.

"Me too."


	27. Chapter 27

"I'm really glad you're back Jess." Rory said as they sat on the hammock that Luke had set up for Lorelai in the backyard.

"I am too. I've missed you guys!"

"We've missed you too." She replied quietly.

"Hey, how are you doing?"

"As good as can be I guess. I'm scared all the time. I worry all the time. I don't know what to do for her." She answered with a shrug.

"You're doing it. You're here and you know that's all that matters to her."

"Sometimes I find myself eulogizing her and she's not dead. What kind of daughter does that?" Jess draped an arm around her shoulder.

"Rory, it's natural to play the worst case scenario in your head. It's our subconscious' way of bargaining." Rory thought about what he said and knew it to be true.

"So how's that book you were tinkering with when you were staying with us?" Rory asked changing the subject.

"It's finished. Your Mom got first dibs." He replied with a smirk as Rory's mouth dropped in protest.

"She asked first." He said trying to defend himself from the wrath of one Lorelai Gilmore.

"As if she wouldn't have won!" Rory muttered with mock annoyance.

"Yeah, well you're the one that wanted us to be friends." He said reminding her. Rory rolled her eyes at him.

"Whatever. So how is she with you?"

"She's Lorelai." He said simply.

"Where's Beavis and Butthead?" Luke asked as he walked into the den. Lorelai smiled at the reference.

"I do believe that we have been a bad influence on you."

"I've been telling you that for years lady!"

"Your Daddy's a funny man all of a sudden isn't he?" Lorelai said to Zeik as she bounced him on her lap.

"Yeah well, one can only try and keep up with the Gilmore's."

"Aww hon, you've done pretty well."

"Thank you for the support." He replied dryly sitting down beside her.

"It's good to have him home." Lorelai said quietly.

"It is. He gave me a copy of his book today."

"So you saw?" she asked referring to Jess' dedication. Luke nodded, his pride distinctly present.

"Jess, what a great tribute" Lorelai said as she read the dedication for Luke

"To my Uncle Luke, who didn't give up when I gave him every reason to." Jess shrugged. It was true. Luke was the only person who saw him and believed in him before he could prove himself. Even after he proved the pessimists right, Luke stood strong for him.

"He's a good kid." Luke said clearing his throat free of emotion. Lorelai smiled and rubbed his back with her hand.

"He's a great kid and in most part because you never stopped believing in him. He grew up to be a man, because you taught him how." Before Luke could respond they heard Jess and Rory clomp down the stairs to the den to join them.

"Hey Beavis. Hey Butthead!" Lorelai greeted cheerfully as they walked in. Rory and Jess looked at each other and in unison declare,

"You're Butthead!"

For the days that followed they kept a close eye on Lorelai from a distance, knowing that the closer her appointment got the more anxious she got. True to his word Jess stuck around at her disposal. Luke began to see for himself just how close Lorelai and Jess had become. There were certain looks that only Jess understood, and he knew that such knowledge came from experience and hard times. He was glad that Jess was able to be there when he was not. A part of him felt a pang of jealousy. Luke could tell there were parts of Jess' life that he only shared with Lorelai and vice versa. Though it was comforting, he couldn't help but feel as though he was on the outside. Jess had picked up on his Uncle's uneasiness.

"Hey Luke, you mind if I come to the Hollow with you? I told my agent I'd drop a box of my book to Andrew's bookstore?" Jess asked at breakfast.

"Not at all, you ready to go now?" Jess nodded in reply as he chewed his last mouthful.

"You going to be okay with Zeik?" Luke asked looking at Lorelai,

"Uh yeah, I'll be fine." She answered bemused. The look of frustration that passed through her eyes was not lost on Jess who knew she was getting suffocated by everyone treating her like she was a wilting flower. She was close to blowing her lid and he knew it.

"I'll go grab my stuff. Later Lai!" Jess said with a wave and a pat on Zeik's head. He had long since nicknamed her Lai, stating the Lorelai was just too hard and a tad pretentious. A nickname she grew to like.

"Later Brat."

"Hey Luke,"

"Yeah?"

"I know it must be weird for you to watch the interaction between Lorelai and me. Especially with our past and everything. I just want you to know that I haven't replaced you. You're still her first point of call." Luke looked away for a moment feeling ashamed of what he felt.

"You're the person she trusts the most, and loves beyond reason."

"I have no doubts she loves me, as for the trust part, I think I broke that a long time ago."

"Don't you know she'd rather suffer in silence than burden you? It's not for the lack of trust Luke. That's for the amount of love she has for you, for all of you. What she tells me is because she can share how she's feeling without having to worry how that's going to affect me. She needs an impartial party to just let go, and for the luck of the draw, that's me. She needs an impartial party to sound off on Luke, otherwise she'll implode. I haven't taken your place, nor am I trying to. I'm just there for her. To go with the theme, it's about her isn't it?" Luke paused and glanced at Jess.

"I'm glad you're there for her. I truly am."


	28. Chapter 28

"Luke, I'm all in

"_**Luke, I'm all in. I'm all in. Please trust me, let me show you what a great girlfriend I can be"**_ she begged him, her eyes glistened from the tears unshed. He avoided looking at her unable to bring himself to see how much he was hurting her.

"_**Fine, you want to know what I think? Here's what I think. I'm thinking that I can't be in this relationship. It's too much"**_ he heard her gasp, as though he had physically taken his hand and slapped her. Stunned, hurt and devastated she said nothing, before he could take her in his arms and beg her for forgiveness, he walked out of Doose's without so much as a backward glance to the road kill he left behind.

Luke shuddered at the memory. It had been awhile since he was haunted with such memories. In the beginning, when Lorelai had first left they came frequently, as time passed he learned to drown them out with one thing or another. Mostly work, the Diner and April. These are the things that prevented him from reliving the worst moments of his life. With the exception of his parents death nothing haunted him more than the memories he had of hurting Lorelai. Through the years they had said hurtful things to spite each other, especially as friends. Though nothing compared to that night, the night she demanded to elope.

"_**Yes, we do, because we've been waiting and putting it off, and I don't want to put it off anymore."**_

Caught unaware Luke didn't know where all this was coming from. So wrapped up in April that he couldn't see what had brought her to this point. He tried to talk her down, asking to talk about it, but she wouldn't hear of it. At the point, she couldn't hear about.

"_**No I don't wanna talk, all we've done for months is talk. I want to do. I want to go"**_

As he tells her he can't a look crosses over his face, one that would haunt him for the rest of his life. She looked wounded, devastated and lost. He tells her once more to wait, that there time will come, but she had crossed over. In her heart she had already decided it was never going to happen, and all she wanted was for him to hold on to her bad enough to want it to, regardless how unreasonable it seemed, even to her.

"_**No! I'm not waiting! It's now or never!"**_ she yelled

"_**I don't like ultimatums!"**_ he yelled back in frustration.

"_**I don't like Mondays, but unfortunately they come around eventually."**_

"_**I can't just jump like this."**_ He pleaded

"_**Well, I'm sorry to hear that."**_ She said looking at him right in the eye. In that one moment he saw her shut down before him. The window to her soul that he once looked through had closed

"_**And I have to go."**_ She said as she watched him just stand there not saying a word. Luke watched her walk away, wanting to run after her, but his feet wouldn't move. He convinced himself that he could make it right and they just needed some time to cool down. That she would be willing to talk. After all, she was the talker. He never imagined that she would be gone and never return.

A part of him tried to be angry at her for leaving him. Perhaps it was the attempt to absolve him from the guilt that he knew would soon take over him. The guilt he knew, was well deserved.

He let her walk away, without so much as a word, and to her it was though he just didn't care enough.

Later on that night when he had thought they could talk he went to her house. There was an eeriness that greeted him at the door. As he contemplated whether or not to knock, he began to hear the unspoken words. The hurt look on her face each time he had said he was staying at the diner. He realized that they had not spent the night together since Martha's Vineyard. Had all that she said true? He knew the fact that he hesitated whether or not to enter was an answer. The door was locked, which was a surprise in itself for Lorelai never locked her door. Digging into his pocket he retrieved the Hello Kitty keychain she had given him with a key to her house. He remembered the typical Lorelai ceremony he endured as she presented him with the key. Dramatic, effective, Lorelai.

Darkness greeted him at the door and an unsettled feeling in his stomach grew. He hoped she was in bed, their bed, but the moment he walked in through the foyer he felt her absence. In a panic he ran up the stairs two steps at a time, praying to God that his gut feeling was wrong, but as he stood in their empty room, before discovering the somewhat empty closet, he knew she was gone.

His heart quivered as he saw the pieces of clothing she had left behind, it was all of his favourites. Outfits that he loved, he had helped picked out, bought for her. As his eyes fell on his side of the closet he couldn't help but notice how little clothes he had left at her house, and he knew that was because he had been staying at the Diner most nights. He noticed a box at the bottom of where his clothes hung and there they lay, his belongings. Toiletries, belt, her favourite flannel, spatula, photos, letters, napkins, all the things that he had given her, all the things that reminded her of him. Her Luke box no doubt.

Unable to stand there any longer Luke headed downstairs, looking for a note, anything to give him a clue as to where she was and how he could find her, and nothing. As he passed the foyer, his eyes caught something on the shelf by the door. His knees buckled as he saw the final blow and realized the finality of their circumstance, her engagement ring sitting there on it's own on the empty shelf.

"Luke, Luke." Lorelai said bringing him out of his trance. She had been watching him from the doorway of her bedroom as he stood by the windowsill, arms folded, head down. She placed her hand gently on his shoulder easing him back to the present. As he looked at her, eyes filled with tears, he pulled her to him wrapping his arms around her and held her so tight she could barely breathe. Soothingly she rubbed his back,

"Hey, where'd you go?" she asked softly acutely aware that he had traveled down unpleasant memory drive.

"I'm sorry I let you walk away. I'm sorry I kept April from you. That I made you feel as though you weren't important enough to be a part of getting to know her. For letting everyone else get to know her before you did. I'm sorry I didn't fight Anna at all for us. I was just so scared I would lose April. I'm so sorry Lorelai." Luke said breaking down before her.

"Hey, hey…" she said running her hands through his hair.

"I'm sorry I was so stupid that we missed our middle. I'm sorry I made you go through having Zeik alone. That you had to do it alone all over again. Man, I'm such a hypocrite. Who am I to break Christopher's balls when I did what I did."

"Luke hon, take a breath. Calm down. You're wigging on me." She led him to the couch, not lost on the fact that he had not let her go.

The pressure of what lay ahead was beginning to talk its toll on all of them. The uncertainty that lay in place kept them on their toes.


	29. Chapter 29

Lorelai wasn't quite sure how to even begin to try and calm him Luke down

Lorelai wasn't quite sure what to do, or say. The last few weeks was beginning to un-hem and un-stitch each one of them and she should have seen this coming with Luke. In the last week, and especially the last few days he had been distant, at the same time borderline clingy. He was always present, an arm around her shoulder, a hand on her knee, a head on her shoulder, but in his eyes he was guarded, distant. She knew that he had been reflecting, but she hadn't anticipated the outburst of pent up emotions. She held him in her arms, cradling his head against her chest as he sobbed. Lorelai buried her face in his neck and she tried to soothe him with her words, murmuring against his ear. She knew the guilt he bore on his back, and it broke her heart to know there was nothing she could do or say. Truth was he did let her walk away. He did break her heart. How could she tell him that was alright? It wasn't right, it was always going to be the truth, and it was always going to hurt. How does she absolve him from something that still broke her heart when she allowed herself to think back on it? Yes, she chose to move on, because she loved him enough to get passed it, that her love was greater than the hurt, and the want to have him in her life was more vital than the pride she lost when he cast her aside. She forgave him because she loved him enough to let that go, but it was going to take some time to forget.

"Luke…" she began cupping his face with her hands so that he can look at her.

"I want to absolve you from this torture and turmoil you have weaved yourself in, but you're going to have to meet me half way okay? What happened a year ago wasn't just your fault. Yes, it hurt that you compartmentalised your life, and it seemed as though I no longer had a part to play in that, but it was my mistake not to be open about it. To not call you on it, to be so scared that I would lose you that I clammed up and forgot who I was and birthed this wilting flower of a person that was never me. That has never been me. I allowed you to push me away because I was too scared to fight you on it. That wasn't your fault…that was mine. I didn't trust in us enough to survive all my dramas and all my demands. To survive major life altering moments, to know that despite whatever may come our way that we will survive it. That you would still want me,"

"How could you think I would ever not want you?" he asked but as soon as the words came out, he realised, everything they were both so scared of came to pass.

"I can't deny that you letting me walk away wasn't the worst moment of my life, that it didn't break my heart, but I know now, that walking into my house after I fled, with the exception of your parents passing, was more than likely yours."

"It was." He replied hoarsely.

"We hurt each other so badly Luke, and I never thought I could ever get passed that, but we did. As much as all that hurt, good has come from it too. I got the chance to get to know my parents and lean on them as a child should lean on their parents. I got to be the daughter they deserved to have. You were able to truly get to know April and devote your time wholeheartedly to her as we both know you would not have been able to be if I was around. I'm not saying it was better of this way, but we both needed to grow up. We both needed to learn how to let someone else into our lives, to help us, to be there for us. We have been alone and independent for far too long, and coming together as we did ten years in the making, we still went too fast, because we have loved each other for so long, and from such a distance for such a long time. We were so lost in that that we never took the time to be as cautious as we would have been had it been any other relationship. We took for granted that we were friends and that would carry over, but it didn't. We were always friends first, though other relationships, whether we were conscious of it or not, our friendship always came first. When we became an us, we were a couple only and that was never going to work because what made us an Us, was the fact that we were always friend first." Luke absorbed all that she had to say because the truth flowed so freely with each word. It began to make sense to him as it did to her.

"I've been thinking about us a lot lately, and how we're getting there but we're still long way to go. We always thought that the end result of my diagnosis was going to determine our future, but I've come to realise, it doesn't." Luke jerked up in response to look at her.

"I'm not saying no. I'm not saying never. I love you Luke. I know that you're the only person I want to be with. You're the father not only my precious son, but to both my children. I just want us to be friends again, to go back there and see where that friendship can take us, this time around. I know for a fact that you feel ill at ease with how bonded I am with Jess and vice versa, and though I know you would never begrudge it, it bothers you."

"A little…" he admitted.

"Because you think he's replaced you as my friend, my confidant." Lorelaii paused for a moment,

"You miss it too. Us being friends, Us being each other's first point of call. You and I both know that had we not been together you would have run straight to the Inn or to my house the moment you found out about April."

The truth was Luke couldn't argue. He would have consulted Lorelai his friend about every little detail concerning April. He wouldn't have cared how well his daughter and his friend Lorelai got to know each other. He would have been the one to suggest to his friend Lorelai to take his daughter shopping. It would be his friend Lorelai who he would have asked what to get for his daughter's birthday. It was his friend Lorelai who he would have wanted his daughter to meet first and spend the most time with. At what point did all that change? He asked inwardly and her words repeated themselves in his mind.

"We have all the right elements to make this the greatest partnerships of all time, with our history very little pails in comparison, but it is with the same history that we are capable of destroying this, which is why I am saying, not yet. When we do this, I want it for good. We don't have to start right from the beginning, but we're not quite up for the middle yet."


	30. Chapter 30

As intense as their conversation was, both Lorelai and Luke felt like a weight had been lifted from both their shoulders

As intense as their conversation was, both Lorelai and Luke felt like a weight had been lifted from both their shoulders. Lorelai's words bore truth and they were both finally honest with each other about with what they were feeling. Their trust in each other began restore itself. It was a small step that held so much power knowing their love was greater than the mistakes of the past, and the hurt once endured. For the first time they weren't denying what went wrong, dancing around the issue, but they were finally acknowledging and addressing it. They both knew that they had to sort out what was wrong, and learn from their mistakes to have the chance to love each other whole heartedly, without hesitation, without question. The love they felt for the other was undeniable, but learning to navigate that love so that it worked for them instead of against them, was something they needed to learn together, as partners, taking the steps together.

"Hey Mom, you up for a walk?" Lorelai whispered gently cajoling Emily out of her slumber. It was barely dawn and the Gilmore house was uncharacteristically quiet taking into consideration the amount of people living there at that moment. Emily smiled and got out of bed to get ready. In the last couple of weeks, she and Lorelai had been taking impromptu walks at dawn when Lorelai was feeling up to it. It was their chance to talk and spend time together. It was when Lorelai was able to confide in Emily about everything without the whole household being within hearing vicinity. Lorelai cherished their time together and was grateful that they had reached such a point in their relationship. As Emily went to get ready Lorelai jumped into the bed in her place to wait for her. Feeling somewhat energetic and disruptive, Lorelai gently nudged her father.

"Daddy, Daddyyyyyyy" she said in a sing song voice coaxing Richard out of his deep slumber.

"Lorelai?" he said disoriented.

"Wake up!" she said with a laugh placing her cold hands on his neck causing him to almost jump out of the bed.

"Lorelai Victoria Glimore" he bellowed. Emily couldn't help but laugh as she walked out of the bathroom to witness Lorelai's antics.

"Oh Daddy, you're not mad are you?" she asked with the famous Lorelai pout, placing her face against his. Richard chuckled,

"You are the spawn of Satan, you know this right?"

"Proudly so. Later Daddy. You can go back to sleep. I've had my fun. I'm kidnapping your wife."

"Well you make sure you get good money for her." He teased.

"Honestly Richard, do you need to wonder where she gets it from." Emily said in mock exasperation. Lorelai laughed and jumped off the bed to follow Emily out the door.

"So I finally figured out what's been spacing out Luke the last few days." Lorelai said breaking the silence between them as they walked.

"He's been torturing himself with how he let me walk away that night. How he kept April from me, and didn't make room for me in his life with her. Well, for all the things I wanted him to realize during that period of our lives. What can I say, the man processes somewhat slowly." She added in attempt to put some humour into it.

"I think he's worried about the results and what that would mean if it you know, worked out for the worst, and he's crucifying himself for the time we lost."

"It's only natural."

"It is but I don't want our relationship to be about that. I don't want us to get back together because of the time we lost. Yes, in part that comes to it, but Mom, we were friends once and I don't even remember what that feels like sometimes because in the journey to being a couple we forgot we were friends. We became Luke and Lorelai, the Tom and Katie of Stars Hollow. It took so long for us to get together that when we did, that's what all that mattered. It became all or nothing. In trying so hard not to lose each other, we ended up hurting each other more. I love Luke, and I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but if I learned anything these last few months is that I don't want to take anything for granted. I would rather be Luke's friend for the remainder of my life, if the end is really around the corner than be married to him because we were so scared to lose each other and we were trying too hard to regain the time we lost. I don't regret the time we lost, could I have done without, sure. But I learned a lot, and I gained a lot too. I wouldn't trade it, even for that." Emily knew to what Lorelai was referring to and gave her daughter's hand a squeeze.

"So what are his thoughts?"

"At first he was ready to fight me on it, but the words began to sink in and he knew that there were valid points to my argument. He knew that I mean it when I say he's the only one for me, and he's willing to wait and work on this together."

"Good for him."

"Mom…"

"Yes Lorelai,"

"Whatever the results, with the tests, with Luke, I want you to know that I wouldn't trade this last year with you. If it meant not being with Luke for a good part of this year and enduring one of the worst years of my life, it was all worth it." Emily met Lorelai's gaze with tears in her eyes as she pulled her daughter into her arms and held her tightly.

"I love you, and I am so sorry it took me so long to tell you that, to show you that." Emily whispered in her ear.

"Me too Mom, me too."

"You guys keep up the walking and I may just get you guys matching jogging suits." Rory teased as they got back just in time to join every one for breakfast.

"Now the dilemma is who will get 'Juicy' or 'Cheeky'?" Jess added as he took the milk that Rory held out for him.

"Well I already have a pair of "Juicy', so I'll take 'Cheeky'," Lorelai replied not missing a beat.

"SOLD!" Rory declared triumphantly.

"Lorelai Leigh Gilmore, don't you dare! Lorelai, don't encourage them." Emily admonished good naturedly as they all laughed at the image of Emily wearing jogging pants with the word Juicy on the behind. Lorelai placed her hands on Luke's shoulders as she stood behind him talking animatedly a mile a minute about what she had planned that day. Luke placed a hand over hers and kept them for a moment acknowledging the gesture.


	31. Chapter 31

On the weekend before her big check up, before they find out her results

On the weekend before her big check up, before they find out her results. There was a general consensus in the household that they were all sticking close to home and not wandering far from each other. Lorelai had to chuckle and appreciate their sudden co-dependency to one another.

"Lorelai, your mother and I were thinking last night if you were up for it, why don't we drive down to the beach house for the weekend. You haven't been there since you were little but you always loved it." Lorelai looked thoughtfully at her father,

"That sounds great Dad. I remember going there during the summers when I was little and Aunt Hopie used to come and visit during the summer time."

"That's right, you and Hopie used to leave early in the morning and not come back late in the afternoon always so mysterious about your day's adventure." Emily thought back with fondness.

"Aww, Aunt Hopie. I do miss her. Is everyone okay with that?" Lorelai asked the rest of their crew who all nodded somewhat enthusiastically. Rory who has heard much about the beach house had always wanted to go and had never had the chance.

It didn't take them very long to pack up. Richard and Emily took the Jag, while Lorelai, Zeik and Luke loaded up her new jeep, Rory had decided to take her car in case she got called into work so Jess had jumped in to ride with her. The beach house was less than two hours away and they were unloaded by mid morning. Just as they were allocating sleeping arrangements Rory and Jes had driven in the driveway.

"Finally you're here!" she declared from the porch unaware of the third person in the car until she stepped out of the back seat.

"APRIL NARDINI DANES, get your little hiney over here." She squealed with excitement. She was rather disappointed that it wasn't their weekend with April. She had grown to love April so much in such a short span of time and vice versa. April's absence was felt by all in the family when she wasn't with them. April grinned and flew into Lorelai's opened arms.

"It's so good to see you kid. I am so glad you're here." Lorelai said happily as she gave April another squeeze.

"Dad called this morning and spoke to Mom and told her that you guys were spending the weekend here and asked if they could swap weekends. Mom said yes, Rory came to pick me up and here I am." She chattered excitedly.

"I'm so happy you're here with us Kiddo."

"So am I. Hey Dad." April greeted as she noticed Luke emerge from the house after witnessing their exchange. Lorelai released April from her grasp, allowing April to jump into her father's arms. Luke hugged her hard and picked her off the ground.

"How is it possible that you're more and more grown each time I see you." He said pulling back to look at her. April rolled her eyes,

"It's called puberty Dad." She answered with a laugh dropping kiss on his cheek before joining Lorelai on the porch swing.

"How'd you score the Friday off kid?"

"Teacher's day or something random like that. I was going to get Mom to drop me off at the house for the day if Rory hadn't called and run the idea past me."

"Well, I'm so happy you're here." Lorelai said draping an arm around April and the other on Rory as she joined them on the porch swing.

Luke watched them from the doorway as the three of them talked animatedly, with incomplete sentences, but will full coherency of each other's meaning. From an outsider's perspective they would assume that they were one family and always had been. It had been a couple of days since their talk, and he had taken her words to heart. He understood them, and he was hopeful for what has ahead of them. He hoped, prayed and wished that the heavens above would allow for them an opportunity to have a middle.

"Rory and I thought we'd go for a Movie night run. April you want to come?" Jess asked as he and Rory put their jackets on.

"No thanks. Gramps and I have a chess date in about ten minutes." Lorelai smiled at the fact that April had begun to refer to Richard as Gramps, as long since did Jess. Their families had certainly become one.

"Lai, aside from the usual staples of a movie night was there anything else you'd like for us to get?" Lorelai shook her head.

"I trust your judgement."

"Let's go Ror."

"Be back soon. You guys pick which movie we watch." Rory said dropping a kiss on her mother's head before following Jess out the door.

"So April, how's Freddie?" Lorelai asked checking that Luke was out of earshot.

"He's good. We've been hanging out a lot lately. You know, just friends."

"Well that's a good place to start. Maybe one day you guys can hang out at the Diner so he can meet your Dad."

"I don't know Lorelai. He's so overprotective, I wouldn't want him to pop a vein." Lorelai smiled sympathetically and patted her hand.

"He just loves you Sweetie, and he's still quite new at the whole daughter thing. Give him a chance. He may just surprise you. I know that if anything does eventuate between you and Freddie, he would be more forthcoming having met the boy. At the end of the day he just wants to be a part of your life. Yes he'll more than likely rant, rave and show his disapproval, but I know it'll mean a lot to him that you feel comfortable enough to confide in him." April looked thoughtful for a moment and gave her a nod.

"Thanks Lorelai. It's so hard to read him sometimes. I have all these questions about him, I want to get to know him so badly, and going to my Mom with Dad questions, well it's a bit awkward."

"That's understandable. But honey, you should know that your Dad is just as anxious to get to know you as you are him. You're both still adjusting, it's only been a little over a year but he's gotten better hasn't he?"

"Almost two years and yeah, he has gotten better. He talks more than he grunts these days."

"Well that in itself is growth!"

While Luke got dinner ready, Lorelai had noticed her mother missing. After checking on Zeik asleep in his carrier in the kitchen with Luke, she went in search of her mother and found her by the large rocks by the water. Lorelai remembered how much she loved sitting on the rocks watching the waves, getting lost in her thoughts. It didn't take a genius to guess where her Mother's thoughts were. She considered leaving her be but decided to join her. Emily felt Lorelai's presence and patted the space beside her. Wordlessly Lorelai sat down and draped an arm around her mother and placed her head on her shoulder.

"You miss her a lot don't you?" she murmured.

"Very much so. She was my sister."

"Mom, you know that just because Aunt Hopie didn't make it, doesn't mean I won't." Lorelai said addressing her mother's unspoken fears. Emily gave Lorelai a determined smile.

"Of course."

"That was a long time ago. A lot of advances has been made in the medical world since Aunt Hopie was diagnosed. They didn't detect hers in time, she didn't have much of a fighting chance, and I did. We'll get through this Mom. I promise." Lorelai said desperate to calm her mother's fears.

"Shouldn't I be offering you the pep talk?" Emily asked with a dry smile.

"Yeah well, we take turns in this family."

Arm in arm Mother and Daughter walked back to the beach house heads together in quiet discussion. Jess and Rory were back by the time they had returned and were in the kitchen with Luke debating on dessert.

"Let's ask Lorelai then," Jess said confidently.

"That would be a waste of time. You know that she will insist on both because she doesn't want one or the other to feel rejected." Luke said with a chuckle.

"So both it is then, Lemon Meringue Pie and Chocolate Cake?" Rory asked with the famous Gilmore pout as they all laughed.

"If you make me pick one, I will." Lorelai said with a smile. Luke only shook his head knowing it was a battle he never would have won anyway.

"Jess, you fought so hard on the lemon meringue pie, you make it."

"Yes, you make an awesome Lemon Meringue Pie." Lorelai said supporting Luke's suggestion. Jess rolled his eyes and went to gather the ingredients with feigning annoyance. When Zeik woke up and began to fuss Luke went to change him. Emily and Rory followed him out of the kitchen to check on April and Richard leaving Jess and Lorelai alone.

"Hey Lai, can we talk?" Jess said somewhat nervously.

"Sure." Lorelai replied curiously.

"You know that I truly appreciate where we are right now, and I wouldn't trade it for the world right?"

"I do know that, go on." She encouraged.

"The thing is, I really care about Rory… and not in that she's going to one day be my cousin kind of way. Now I know that you weren't very happy the last time we were together, and I guess, what I am asking for now is your blessing. I haven't really talked to her about it, but I think we may be on the same wavelength. I just don't want to you know screw things up with us. I want you to know, if I do this, I'm all in. She's it, and if she'll have me, I'll spend the rest of my life proving myself worthy of her." Lorelai's eyes began to fill with tears as she grabbed his hand to stop him babbling.

"You're a far cry from what you were all those years ago when you were a selfish punk who had a chip on his shoulder. If these last months have taught me anything, it's that people do change, and the most unlikely person can bring out the best in us. If this is what you both want, you don't need my blessing but you have it if that's what you want." Jess gave her a grateful and solemn nod.

"You break her heart again I kick your face." Lorelai said breaking the silence, to which they both laughed.

After dinner while the kids cleaned up and the grandparents were in the study, Lorelai and Luke went for a stroll on the beach.

"How are you feeling?" Luke asked.

"Okay, I mean I thought it would be like this 'impending doom' thing but it really isn't. I have peace for whatever's to come Monday morning."

"I'm glad."

"Hey, Jess talked to me about Rory today."

"And?"

"He really loves her, and wanted my blessing before he acts upon his emotions."

"That's so…"

"Unlike him?" Lorelai finished his train of thought as he paused to find the right words. Luke smiled.

"It certainly isn't the Jess of years ago, but he's grown up a lot these last couple of years. He no longer hides from his feelings, which for you Danes men is a tall leap!" she teased. I've seen how much he's changed. How he's evolved. How he truly does love her and probably always had but he was always so scared of it. He reminds me so much of you." She admitted.

"In the hides his emotions kind of way?" he asked.

"Yes and no. More in the whole you love with all your heart that it scares you so you try your darndest to convince yourself you don't deserve it so you push people away." Luke could only shrug.

"When you found out about April you were so scared to tell me that it took you months to tell me, and even then you weren't ready. For some reason you thought that would make me love you less. When I finally found out about her, instead of letting me in, you shut me out because in your subconscious you were still beating yourself up about not telling me and how I found out, and how much that had hurt me. You used April, to push me away. Normally, I would never let you do that, but after almost losing you after the Vow Renewal I was just so scared that having you be absent was better than not having you at all. Maybe you waited for me to assure you that I was still all in, but I guess I was waiting for you to assure me because at that point, I wasn't sure about anything."

She had broken it down, she got him. She always did. The clarity came back at the elimination of pressure and expectation. She was his best friend, the person who knew him best. He had forgotten that.

"I was just so scared to lose you. I thought that I had screwed up royally with April that you were going to walk away that I just compartmentalized. I had to be a great Dad, and I was so determined that I forgot to be a good fiancé. I'm sorry." Lorelai gave his hand a squeeze.

"I know, I think we're way passed the apologizing stage don't you?" Luke gave her a small smile and dropped his lips to the top of her head and gave her a firm hug.

"I was thinking, if you were up for it. We can go out on a date the night after we find out your results."

"That sounds great. What'd you have in mind?"

"Now what would be the point of that?" he asked.

""Well it would mean I don't bug you the rest of the weekend for details." She replied obnoxiously.

"I'll take my chances."


	32. Chapter 32

I'm so sorry for the delay you guys… I've been fresh out of inspiration, not to mention sooo tired from my night shift gig that

I'm so sorry for the delay you guys… I've been fresh out of inspiration, not to mention sooo tired from my night shift gig that my brain no longer functions to it's true potential… it's a short post, but it's not long to go before I end it and you guys will find out the fate of Lorelai and those in her world…

After everyone had disbursed from breakfast on their last day at the Beach house Lorelai sought Rory out who weirdly enough was the person she spent the least time with. It seemed that she could never pin her down. She was there for the group things, like meals, games and hanging out, but when the crowd thinned to three, she always managed to slip out. Lorelai's forehead creased in concern as she searched the house for her daughter and found her to be nowhere in sight. Luke had caught her on her way out to the beach,

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked.

"Rory, I haven't seen her in a couple of hours. I just wanted to make sure she was okay. I haven't been able to touch base with her lately. It's like she's there but she's not really. She hasn't been alone in the same room with me all weekend and I just, something's not right Luke." She babbled. Luke tucked a loose hair behind her ear,

"You'll sort it out. Do you want me to help you look?" he asked. Lorelai shook her head and gave him a grateful smile.

"I'll be fine. If you see her, send her my way."

"I will do."

Luke knew where Rory was but didn't want her to not be forewarned that Lorelai could sense that something was wrong. As Lorelai headed for the beach Luke ran up the stairs, into the attic and climbed out of the window and joined Rory who was sitting against the frame on the roof. He had accidentally stumbled upon her secret hiding place when Emily had asked him to bring a box down from the attic. He noticed the window open and recognized the arm that was barely visible from where he stood.

"Hey…" Luke said careful not startle her. Rory looked up from her book,

"Hey, what's up?" she asked knowing that he came with purpose.

"Your Mom's looking for you."

"You didn't," she began,

"No, I didn't tell her where you were. I thought you should go and follow her down the beach. She thought you may be down there." Luke could see the hesitation written all over her face.

"Rory, I know how hard this is for you, but she's your best friend. You need to tell her how you feel despite what you think her reaction may be. You're her best friend, she needs you."

"I think that's a stretch these days Luke, I haven't been her best friend in a really long time."

"Is that what this is about Ror?" he asked shuffling closer to her.

"I failed her. Ever since Dean, I have been a disappointment, and though she would never say it out loud, I felt it. The more mistakes I made, the bigger the distance between us grew. Things have never been the same since. I became to resent her for it. Things got better after I came back from Grandma and Grandpa's but we were never Lorelai and Rory best friends, we were now Lorelai and Rory, mother and daughter. We were always Best friend's first and Mother Daughter second, and we've become Mother and Daughter only. She has long since stopped confiding in me Luke, and vice versa. I don't even know how to be there for her, I don't know what she needs."

"She needs you. Don't you realize, that's all she has ever needed. Yes, disappointments has been had, by both of you. She let you down just as you had let her down, but she has always needed you and will always need you. The distance and hesitation you feel isn't because she is punishing you for what you've done, it's because she's began to doubt herself. She became scared that if she tells you how she truly feels, you'll get mad and you'll leave again. All her life people have been bailing on her. To her your grandparents checked out on her when she couldn't fit into the mould they had envisioned for their daughter, even more so after she fell pregnant. Then she had you and she had all she needed. You not only filled the hole in her life your mere presence overflowed and filled the void she felt. Then your Dad came along and he bailed too. Up until I came along she remained shut down, it took her years to fully let her guard down with me, and I screwed it up big time. I bailed on her too. All the people who meant everything to her, bailed on her. You and I, who she thought most unlikely to ever hurt her, hurt her the most. It's taking some time to regain footing because she's stopped trusting herself. It's not just about you Rory, she's learning to trust herself again too."

"What if she dies Luke? What if we never get that chance to be Best Friend's first and Mother Daughter second?" Rory asked frightened.

"Lucky for you your Mother is as stubborn as they come and she wants the same thing you do, and you know your Mom, when she wants something, she'll make sure she gets it."

"Funnily enough, it's one of her qualities that I admire most." Luke draped an arm over Rory's shoulder.

"Talk to your Mom, she needs to hear what's in your head. Don't be scared, before everything I have never seen two people so in sync with each other, and a connection that strong doesn't just go away. Trust in what you believe in your heart, and in your heart you believe in her."


	33. Chapter 33

Apologies for the long hiatus, I will attempt to end this in the next couple of chapters. Thank you to those who have been faithful to it and have asked for my slack self to finish it. Hope you're all well.

Rory conceded to Luke's promptings and went in search of her mother. To have the talk that should have taken place that night after Dean, but Rory just wasn't ready. Truth was, she knew it was a conversation long overdue, as it was what began the downward spiral of distrust and uncertainty between them. Rory could clearly hear herself say 'I hate you' to her mother and seeing the look on Lorelai's face that screamed devastation. Even her dropping out of Yale and moving to her grandparent's house paled comparison to that one look that would haunt her forever. She found herself thinking about that moment more and more lately. There's nothing like the impending news that could potentially kill you at the anticipation of hearing it. But Luke was right, they needed to talk, she couldn't hide from ther her mother because she was haunted by her own demons. Rory found her mother leaning against a rock, head back, eyes closed.

"Mom, are you okay?" she asked concerned. Lorelai opened her eyes and looked at Rory with a smile on her face.

"I'm fine sweets, just sucking in as much fresh air as I can before we head back tonight. Come sit with Mommy." She said patting the space between her. As Rory sat down Lorelai wrapped her arms around her daughter and pulled her close. Without a word she held her tightly as though she was afraid to let her go.

"You are my first love Lorelai Gilmore." She whispered into Rory's ear. Rory looked up at her mother with tears in her eyes,

"And you're mine." She replied.

"All these years after everything, whoever has come and gone, that is the one thing that hasn't changed."

"So, tell me what you're thinking?" Lorelai asked as ran her fingers absently through Rory's hair. Rory shrugged and paused for a moment.

"That I wish I can tell my best friend that I won't be able to survive losing my mother. At the same time I want to tell my Mother that I'm okay. That she doesn't have to worry about me, but I can't."

"Oh honey." Lorelai said giving her a tight squeeze.

"I guess it makes it a little more complicated when your best friend is your mother huh. I know how you feel. I'm so torn between wanting to tell my best friend how scared I am to reassuring my daughter that all is going to end well." Rory looked up at her mother and smiled.

"We make some pair don't we?"

"That we do Kid."

"I know this scares you Kid, and in all honesty, it scares the living crap out of me. I don't want to die. There's still so much I want to do and see. More than that, I want to be around for every milestone of your life and Zeke's. You two are my whole life! I wish I had the guarantees, but if I've learned anything it's that there are no such things as guarantees. All I know is that I love you and Zeke with all my heart, and our family is the most important thing to me. I can only offer you a promise that I will fight to the very end."

"Thanks Mom. Thanks for telling me how you really feel. I want to be strong for the both of us."

"You already are Sweets."

When they arrived back at the house, between Luke and Emily they were all packed and ready to go home. There was a bittersweet air that lingered. They had all enjoyed their time away. In a way it was a way for all of them to escape and forget if even for a weekend that possibility of doom lay ahead. By the time they made it back to Hartford it was late, April had asked her Mother if she could stay the night and have the day off that Monday so that she would be around for when the results came in. Surprisingly she agreed

"Pizza anyone?" he asked amused looking up and seeing their faces. Lorelai grinned and placed a kiss on his cheek before washing her hands to help him. As a family they gathered and prepared their long past midnight snack. They worked in semi silence, throwing in random jokes here and there. It was well after three when Emily had put her foot down and sent everyone off to bed despite their protests. Lorelai gave her mother a grateful hug before she and Richard headed upstairs after the kids had said their goodnights.


End file.
